Title: Waking To A Kiss
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Table: 3, 20_est_relships
Prompt: 18, Cherish
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Aaron Hotchner or Spencer Reid, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Aaron raised his head from the pillow, blinking sleepily. For a moment, he was disoriented, unable to remember the night before, or where he was. Had the team gone out on a case, or was he at home in his own bed? It all seemed like too much to put together.

He shook his head, closing his eyes for a moment. Memory came flooding back to him; yes, he was at home, in bed with Spencer. They'd spent last night together -- and that night had broken down some barriers that he'd been afraid would always stand between them.

Some of those barriers had crumbled to the ground last night, and he was glad to see the last of them. He and Spencer still had a long way to go before they would be lovers in every physical sense, but he couldn't help feeling that last night had sent them well on their way down that path.

It was about time, too, he told himself with a soft sigh as he settled back against the pillows and closed his eyes again. He was tired of feeling that he was letting Foyet rule his life from the grave; he had to put that horrible experience behind him and find closure of some sort.

That wasn't easy to do, given the fact that Foyet had taken something that he should have been able to give freely to the person of his own choice. But he couldn't let what Foyet had done keep coloring his life -- or his relationship with Spencer.

They'd done a fairly good job at letting the physical side of their relationship progress, even though it was moving forward slowly, Aaron mused. Still, there was no reason to rush -- Spencer would say the same thing if he was awake and they were having a conversation.

What had happened between them earlier tonight had brought a lot of barriers, both emotional and physical, tumbling to the ground. Aaron had to admit that he'd enjoyed the burgeoning physical side of being with Spencer more than he'd thought he would, once he'd let himself go.

Maybe that was his problem, he thought, suppressing a sigh as he glanced at his young lover, who was sleeping peacefully next to him. He hadn't been able to let himself go, to just enjoy the closeness of being with someone who loved him. It had been far too long.

Spencer wasn't the first man he'd been involved with, but he had never been this close to another man in the physical sense. He had always put up walls, always stopped any of his former boyfriends from getting too close. And then he'd shut out men from that side of his life entirely.

He'd had to do that when he was married -- and to be honest, he hadn't wanted to be involved with anyone but his wife for a very long time. Then, when they had separated, he'd slowly come to the realization that he preferred men to women -- and probably always had.

That was what had been missing in his relationship with Haley, he mused, crossing his arms behind his head and staring up at the ceiling. He had loved her, but she hadn't been what he'd wanted. There had been a piece of his life missing when he'd been with her.

It had been quite a large piece. He had put the side of himself that was attracted to other men aside, trying to shove it away as ruthlessly as possible. But when he ahd Haley had separated, Spencer had come into the picture -- and he hadn't been able to deny that side of himself any longer.

He'd loved Spencer from the very beginning, from the first time they had met. He wouldn't have thought that he would be attracted to someone so young -- or so brilliant -- but there had been something about Spencer that had drawn him like the proverbial moth to a flame.

Spencer had been so adorably awkward, so hesitant, that Aaron couldn't help but feel that he needed to take the young man in hand, to guide him in some ways. He had carefully avoided any kind of a personal relationship, though -- until he'd had the freedom to do as he pleased.

He didn't care what Haley thought of his relationship with Spencer -- and really, he didn't care what the rest of the team thought, either. He had denied himself happiness for too long; even though it felt selfish, he was going to reach for that happiness while he still could.

He had cherished Spencer ever since they first met, as a good friend and as a colleague. As a member of the BAU team, Spencer was invaluable. But he meant even more to Aaron in the person sense, even before the two of them had become involved.

Now, he cherished Spencer as so much more than a working colleague, or a member of the BAU team. He cherished Spencer as the love of his life, as the person who completed his world. Spencer would never be just a team member or a friend to him; he would always be much more.

The younger man felt the same; he didn't have to question that. He knew that he was loved just as fiercely as he loved; Spencer was the kind of person who didn't give his love or trust easily, but once he did, the person it was directed towards had that love and trust for life.

He was lucky to be the man who Spencer had given his heart to, and he knew it, Aaron reflected with a soft smile. What would he have done if Spencer hadn't been in his life when everything had happened with Foyet? He didn't need to ask himself that question to know the answer.

Truth be told, he would have fallen apart. He knew that without Spencer there beside him, he could never have come through that ordeal as well as he had. He would always bear the scars, but thank to his young lover, they would be bearable, even manageable.

And hopefully, one day, those scars would be gone for good. He knew that the physical scars Foyet had left on his body would always be there, but the emotional scars that were engraved onto his soul didn't always have to be there. In time, they would fade.

They might always exist, but they would never rule his life in the way that Foyet had intended for them to do. He had escaped that by having Spencer at his side, by having someone in his life who loved and cherished him in a way that Foyet would never have expected could happen.

Foyet had wanted to destroy all chances of him ever having a happy, normal relationship -- and in so doing, destroy an integral part of who he was. But thanks to Spencer, he hadn't managed to do that. Thanks to his lover, he was still standing, and always would be.

He'd never really properly thanked Spencer for all he'd done, had he? Ah, well, that didn't seem to matter at the moment, Aaron thought, turning over onto his side to gaze down at the young man sleeping next to him. Spencer knew how he felt. They didn't need words to express their emotions.

But still, the words were nice to say at times. He always had a hard time expressing his feelings; he held them back so often in his job, and he'd gotten used to not letting them out, even with the person he loved most. Fortunately, Spencer understood that difficulty.

He needed to say the words more, to let Spencer know how much he was loved and cherished. It wasn't enough to just let his boyfriend know by his actions how he felt; he had to say the words, to gaze into those beautiful dark eyes and tell Spencer that he was loved.

Now wasn't the time for that, of course. He wasn't going to wake up his boyfriend in the middle of the night simply to say those words -- but he would say them every day from now on, when they awoke in the morning, or before they went to bed at night.

Or maybe he would just say them at any time that felt right -- any time when they weren't working, Aaron told himself with an inward smile. Even though the rest of the team knew about their relationship, it was still kept secretive; no one else outside of their close-knit little family needed to know.

Spencer deserved to know that he was loved; he deserved to hear those words every day. Aaron had no doubt that his boyfriend would say those same words to him every day, as well; Spencer was the type of person who would return love when it was given.

He cherished Spencer more than anything else in his world -- except possibly for Jack, but Spencer would agree with him that his son was precious and deserved to be closest to his heart. Still, Spencer occupied that same space; choosing between the two of them would be impossible.

He lavished the same unconditional love on his boyfriend that he did on his son -- a love that no one else had ever gotten from him, not even his late ex-wife, Aaron reflected. Spencer and Jack were the most important people in his life -- and from now one, he intended to let them know that.

It had been too long since he'd told Spencer how much he was cherished -- and he intended to rectify that as soon as his boyfriend awakened, he thought with a smile. He wanted to tell Spencer how much he had enjoyed last night -- and how much he was looking forward to more like it.

Aaron's heartbeat quickened at the thought -- last night had been incredible, and he was sure that they would become even more intimate now that the first barrier had been knocked down. It wouldn't take much longer for them to be lovers in the full sense of the word.

And once they were, he would have no problem telling Spencer just how much he was loved and cherished every day of their lives, Aaron assured himself. No, he wasn't going to wait until after all of those physical barriers had come down. He was going to start today.

As soon as Spencer awakened, he would say those words, the three little words that he never had an easy time saying to anyone other than Jack. But the more he said them to Spencer, the easier they became -- and each time he said them, he meant them even more.

Spencer would know how much he was cherished the moment he woke up, Aaron told himself as he bent over his sleeping lover, bowing his head to brush his lips against the younger man's. He wanted his lover to experience waking to a kiss -- and he hoped that the gesture might lead to even more.

***