Title: Nightmares and Pea-scapes
Author: Pants
Rating: FRC
Pairing: Reid/Gideon
Summary: Reid has a nightmare.
Notes: Same universe as my others. Hope you enjoy. Sorry I'm obsessed with peas. Please forgive me. Also, just so you know the scientific name for the common garden pea is pisum savitum. So, yeah, just in case you didn't know.

***

The BAU was on the plane headed home. Prentiss and Morgan sat across from each other at the table, wrapped up in their respective electronic devices. Hotchner was sitting alone in a chair, drowsily re-hashing the day's events. Gideon was sitting on a couch, one arm on an arm rest and his chin on his fist, contemplating whatever it is that Gideon contemplates. Reid was asleep on the couch across from Gideon, and Reid was having a nightmare.

*(((O)))*

"No!" Reid shouted, "No, peas taste good!" He was in the bullpen, surrounded by the rest of the team. They had already drawn their six-shooters from their gun-belts and were merely waiting for Gideon's word to start shooting his feet off. Gideon was in his office, and due out at any moment.

"No!" Reid screamed again, "Please, you don't understand!" Suddenly, Gideon emerged from his office.

"Dr. Reid, may I see you alone, for a moment?" Reid swallowed the lump in his throat. Suddenly the six-shooters didn't seem so bad. He could survive without his feet, thousands of amputees did every year, right?

Once he stepped inside, though, his worries vanished. He was guided gently to the seat in front of Gideon's desk and Gideon smiled warmly as he sat down himself.

"Dr. Reid."

"Yes?"

"Have I ever told you what a lovely eye you have?"

"Well, yes, you have, but did you say-"

"May I call you by your first name?" Gideon cut him off.

"Of course," Reid was curious, and little anxious, he could hear the other Unit members crashing and banging on the other side of the door.

"Well, Sevitum-"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Excuse me?" Gideon looked genuinely confused.

"Did you just call me Sevitum?"

"You did give me permission,"

"To use my first name, of course, but what's Sevitum got to do with anything?"

"Well," Gideon said carefully, "it is your first name."

"What? No it's not, my name's Spencer." Reid was getting agitated. The noises outside were getting louder, and Gideon was acting so strangely.

"Dr. Reid," Gideon said calmly, as if he'd figured out the problem, "Why don't you take a look in my ceiling mirror."

Reid looked up at the ceiling. In the reflection of a giant circular-saw blade, Reid saw himself, and was terrified. His head was nothing but a giant pea, and at it's center was a large, hazel eyeball with long eye-lashes but no discernable lid.

He was drawn away from his reflection by Gideon's soothing voice.

"As you know, anti-pea sentiment has grown rather rapidly around here since the government started sending us pea-rations in response to our outrage at the revocation of our sex privileges."

Reid stared dumfounded at the other man, unable to speak, but then something crashed into the door, and the noises beyond it became thunderous.

"Quick!" Gideon hissed, "We can hide in here."

Reid was manhandled into a tiny closet, with Gideon close behind. In order to shut the door, Gideon had to press himself extremely close to Reid. They stood in silence for a few moments, listening as the team crashed through Gideon's door and rummaged around in the room.

When it fell quiet on the other side of the door, Reid sighed, and asked into the darkness, "Why do they hate peas so much? They taste great!"

"Mmm," Gideon agreed, "I know." He sounded strangely muffled, and Reid became aware of a curious itching sensation on the side of his head.

"Gideon? Gideon, what are you- Gideon, No!"

*(((O)))*

"You're eating my head!" Reid screamed as he rolled off the couch in a frenzied ball of lengthy limbs.

The entire BAU was looking at Reid curiously as he got to his knees, wide-eyed and panting.

"Hannibal Lecter?" Morgan guessed aloud, but Reid shook his head.

"Gideon was eating my head." He stated, finally getting oriented as he sat back down on the couch. At the surprised looks he got, he supposed he should explain it better. "You guys were trying to shoot my feet off because you hated peas, and my head was a giant pea, and Gideon hid me in a closet so you couldn't get to me, but then he started eating my head."

A few moments of silence followed, in which Reid looked embarrassedly at the floor while everyone else digested the story.

"Why did we hate peas?" Prentiss asked.

"I don't know." Reid lied, blushing again.

"You have a tendency to identify with the victims." Hotch observed from his lonesome chair.

Reid crinkled his nose, he didn't think it was fair, getting profiled based on his nightmares. But it was Gideon who replied, "Oh, I don't know. Maybe he just likes peas."

Everyone seemed to sense Spencer's embarrassment, and left the subject alone. A few moments later, however, when Spencer looked back up, Gideon was staring thoughtfully at him.

The pensive man's eyes focused and rested on Reid's hazel ones, "I'm sorry I ate your head."

Spencer blushed once more, but couldn't stop the small smile that made it's way across his lips.

***