Title: Needing a Saviour
By: Outlaw Pygmy
Pairing: gen
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Warning: not beta'ed, mentions of drugs
Summary: A surprise visit may be just what Reid needs. Post Fear and Loathing.

***

It was mocking him, he knew the idea of an inanimate object mocking someone was truly and completely insane. Truth fully he didn't believe it was mocking him, he just…. God he needed it, he needed something to chase away the nightmares, to stop himself from seeing Tobias' dead eyes looking back at him scared and vulnerable as he shut his own.

It was insane, everything he knew and he was still considering picking up the needle. He knew about the effects of Dilaudid, he knew about addictions, knew what he was doing to his body every single time in great detail. He some how managed to avoid the temptation before, maybe because he hadn't had a case, he didn't have to think about it every second.

He carried around the two vials with him, as a safety net. Though he didn't disregard the possibility that it was because he wanted someone to find them, too see how he was drowning but too scared to ask for help. He needed a saviour, because at that point he couldn't save himself. He was too broken.

The knock on the door came at the best and worst possible time, he was once again reaching for the bottles, searching for the complete and utter freedom when the loud knock broke him from his thoughts. He let out a heavy sigh as he put the vials back up and headed to the door.

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She didn't lose complete contact when she left the BAU, she lost contact with almost everyone but she talked to Morgan on the rarest of occasions. She had wanted to talk to him about a case that she thought needed a profilers touch, she didn't think like a profiler anymore, she couldn't.

His voice had been strained with worry and she could hear J.J in the background talking about the job 'not affecting' someone, she was clearly just as freaked out as Morgan was. He mumbled something about a case and she then heard the dial tone. It was three days later when he returned her call, he apologized and she had to ask the question that had been driving her crazy. What was going on?

"Reid" Morgan told her simply, frustrated and still affected with what had happened. "An Unsub…" Morgan stopped, this wasn't the man she remembered that was for sure and it made her completely worried. "He abducted Reid" He finally got out.

"Is he ok?" She asked him.

"He's alive" Morgan said, "Wouldn't say he's ok". She didn't learn much about what happened to Reid just that he had a broken ankle and that the unsub was dead.

It was a month before she even considered seeing him, why? Well she guessed she was a coward, that was what the past had told her. The minute things got a little dangerous she freaked out or ran away.

Six weeks and she was finally at his door knocking, wondering what the hell she was doing what he would say, would she make things worse? Probably she tended to do that.

"Elle?" He asked confused, not that she could blame him for that.

***

Apparently they couldn't have a 'heart to heart' with out alcohol; this time Reid was the one to supply it. She noted how odd it was that Reid had any alcohol in his apartment let alone vodka. Then again Reid was altogether different, angry, sad, lost, guilt she couldn't describe it but she wondered if that was what he saw in her after she was shot.

"What happened?" She had asked after five minutes of small talk.

"What?" He asked.

"Confusion doesn't suit you" She told him "You were abducted"

"And you were shot" He snapped "I'm not going to go crazy and shot a random unsub though" Well he really knew how to get to people that was for sure, luckily he was rarely so cruel.

"Getting defensive, I'm sure that's Psych 101" Elle said remembering one of the last conversations they had. He didn't say anything he just looked down at his wrists, like something was there.

"I feel like he's here, always" Reid told her "Every time I close my eyes I see him, and I am convinced when I open them I'll be back there again"

"He's dead" Elle said.

"That's not really a comfort is it?" Reid said.

"No" She told him. "It doesn't change the feeling, that he's till there, that it's happening all over again" He nodded in agreement as he once again studied his wrists. "What did he do to you Reid?" She asked him.

"We just thought he was a witness" He explained to her "I knew something was weird about him I went around the back and saw the computers"

"Computers?" She asked confused.

"He filmed the murders, posted them online" He explained.

"That's…" She couldn't even begin to form words on how absolutely despicable that was.

"J.J and I split up, I saw him running and I followed him into a corn field, he knocked me out, dragged me through the corn field, the next thing I know I'm tied to a chair and there is a horrible smell" He stopped after that, it look to her like he was fighting memories, stopping himself from reliving the nightmare, she knew from experiences that the tiniest thing could set of a memory.

"Reid?" She asked him softly. He didn't speak when he finally snapped out of his memory he muttered something she didn't understand before standing up shakily and heading to a room slamming the door behind, what the hell was she meant to do. She couldn't leave.

***

After five minutes of debating it with herself Elle followed Reid, the room turned out to be his bedroom, he sat on his bed holding a small vial of what she knew was drugs. She had to wonder did he want her to follow him, to catch him with the drugs.

"Reid, what are you doing?" She asked, something that looked like relief washed over his face, confirming that he wanted her to catch him.

"I'm weak" He said in daze, like he was trapped in a memory. How she knew that feeling.

"Reid" Elle repeated, he looked up at her with fear in his eyes.

"He gave them to me, I didn't want them, I told him that but he told me it would make me feel better and it did" He began

"Reid, what are you talking about?" She asked.

"Tobias, I don't know why I took them" He stopped "I wasn't thinking straight, and I can't get rid of them" He continued before stopping. "I shouldn't have shot him, he was scared and trapped and I should have found another way" He stopped he could feel the tears streaming down his face, god why did he have to break down now. Elle took a deep breath before sitting down next to him, pulling him into a hug. She had no idea what to say, so she kept silent.

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"You're thinking of leaving" Elle stated twenty minutes later. Reid had managed to calm down somewhat and though he hadn't mentioned anything else about what happened to him she knew he was making some tiny amount of progress, that was better then nothing right?

"Maybe, I don't know" He sighed running his hand through his hair "I don't know if I can do it, every time I see crime scene photos.." He began but she cut him off.

"You remember" She said, finishing for him.

"What do I do?" He asked her.

"Reid, I can't give you answers, I can't tell you what you should do" Elle sighed "You need to figure it out for yourself"

"Is that what you did?" He asked in a somewhat cold tone. She wasn't surprised, he wanted someone who experienced something like he had to give him the answers he needed.

"I tried not to deal with it and ended up self destructing completely" Elle told him "I regret everything that happened but I can't change it, instead I picked up the pieces and realized that I couldn't continue working at the BAU" She said

"So I sh…." Elle cut him off.

"You need to figure it out, Reid" She said before getting up "I have to go, will you be ok?"

"Yeah" He nodded "I think"

"You will be, just give yourself time" She said with a smile as she headed towards the door.

A/N: ok so I'm not one for wrapping everything up in a neat little package, ands this story is too short for Reid to 'snap out of it' even if I made it so he hadn't taken the drugs… Ok done ranting, look out for the sequel…. Please? Or have a scared everyone away. Yes? Oh well.

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