Title: Sometimes
Author: lady-ravaatris
Paring: Hotch/Reid
Words: 434
Rating: G for Mild Angst
Summary: First-person perspective from Reids point of veiw. Because he seems like the type who would have an internal monologe.

***

Friedrich Nietzsche once said: "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."

Sometimes I wonder why he loves me.

There are better people in the world, who are stronger, more attractive. I am awkward, physically and socially. I can't keep my mouth shut, have to be reminded time and again that it is not normal to know the statistics for fatal car accidents in Virginia (930 in the year 2000), and even less normal to be reciting them while being driven somewhere.

I am smart, but that only puts up a barrier between me and other people. I am constantly ridiculed, simply for the fact that I am different. I am not someone who commands respect, I am too young to be taken seriously.

And when I think about my lover, stretched out on this bed next to me, I know he could have so much more than me. He is beautiful, strong. His unwavering confidence, his iron control...he is everything that I am not. And even though I love him with all my heart, I am afraid that one day he will leave me.

But sometimes, on a sleepless night like this when I am plagued by these thoughts, I look down at his peacefully sleeping form, dimly illuminated by the faint glow moonlight and streetlamps that shines through the curtains. With my eyes I devour his face, memorizing each curve of his strong jaw, the lines of his cheeks, the stunning eyelashes that most women would kill for.

I imprint on my mind the exact way his mouth looks, relaxed. The way his eyes seem, closed with no lingering tension. The almost childlike innocence appearing in a sleep where he's granted freedom from his responsibilities, the stress of his job.

I put my thin hand on his muscled chest, so contrasting from my skinny body. I absently drift circles with my fingers as I try to work out in my mind this conundrum, this madness of love. Trying to understand what in the world makes him love me.

He stirs beneath me, and opens his dark eyes to meet my gaze. He smiles, my name reaching his lips and escaping into the air between us. "Reid..."

Hotch leans forward, following that word, and places a soft kiss on my lips. We lay there, entwined, trading kisses for a while before slowly drifting back into sleep. As I lay there, curled up into my lovers arms, I smile, and drift into pleasant dreams.

Sometimes I wonder why he loves me.

And sometimes I already know.

***