Title: Vulnerable
By: inkashes
Pairing: Reid/Morgan
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: NC-17
Warning: WiP
Disclaimer: I do not own nor claim to own anything to do with Criminal Minds. This is purely my imagination at work here.
Summary: Reid is no stranger to feeling vulnerable. Morgan is no stranger to pretending he doesn't experience such things. In the face of danger, can the two find peace in each other? - takes place after the fourth season finale - ...And Back.

***

4 hours, twenty three minutes, and ten seconds.

That was how long it had been since Reid had gotten the call from Morgan that shattered his night.

5 hours, fifty two minutes, and seventeen seconds since Aaron Hotchner had been proclaimed DOA. The actual time of his death was unknown but Reid wasn't sure he wanted to know.

4 hours, exactly, was the amount of time that Reid had been sitting next to a cold table in the hospital's morgue. He couldn't see Hotch's face - - wasn't sure he wanted to see it - - but others had been coming in every few minutes. First Rossi. Something akin to pain had crossed the older man's features but even as a profiler, sworn not to profile his coworkers, Reid wasn't quite sure he could read what that emotion was. Prentiss came next. Her eyes were red, swollen, and her bottom lip was quivering. Reid didn't need to be a profiler to know what that emotion was. JJ and Garcia came together, needing each other for the support, and Reid turned his eyes away as if he didn't want to invade what was going on between them. Morgan hadn't come in yet. Reid wasn't sure that Morgan was going to come in.

And each time, when they pulled back that white sheet... Reid looked away. At his hands. At his feet. At his wrist to check the time again and calculate the minutes. He did everything he could think of so he wouldn't have to see Hotch's face.

Reid wasn't ready to say "goodbye" but he couldn't bear the idea of Hotch being alone in this too-cold room. Standing guard was beginning to take its toll on him - - usually Reid couldn't handle silence. Silence was a doorway to the vast expanse of his own mind and that was one place that Reid could never handle delving completely in to. Now, however, the sound of the air conditioner running was getting under his skin. He couldn't sit still in his chair and he couldn't find any relief.

"... can't leave Hotch... I can't leave..." He murmured to himself, his hands shaking as he reached for the sheet, wrapping his hand around one of Hotch's cold, lifeless fingers once he found his way under the white fabric.

"Spencer."

How rare that was, to hear his first name come from Morgan's lips. Usually it was "Reid", or "Pretty Boy". Tonight though, it wasn't right. Wasn't fitting.

Reid could barely turn around even after Morgan's voice hit his ears. His hand was shaking but he kept his grip on Hotch's finger. "He's coming back."

"Spencer. You know that isn't true. You, of all people, know that isn't true."

Reid didn't want to be the genius anymore. He didn't want to believe the science of the matter. He wanted to believe in angels beyond what he memorized from the pages in the Bible. He wanted to believe that God's touch could bring Hotch back to them all. "We need him. We all need him, Morgan. Did you see Prentiss? And the others? We can't do this without him."

"We'll get there when the time comes, Spencer. Right now, I want you to leave this room. Have you looked at yourself? You're freezing." Not to mention that Reid's cheeks were stained with more tears than Emily's.

"So is Hotch."

Morgan's features softened just a bit and he reached out for the younger man, his hand closing over his shoulder. "He wouldn't want you here like this."

Reid's entire body caved in to trembling the moment Morgan's hand touched him. His own hand came upwards, pale and shaking, and wrapped tightly around Morgan's hand, praying for a bit of strength. Anything that would help guide him through this. Morgan's hand closed around his in a supportive gesture, and slowly Reid felt himself being pulled upwards from his chair. His other hand remained tight around Hotch's fingers before slowly, they slipped away the same way Hotch's life had.

"C'mon kid - - Spencer."

"Wait."

Morgan paused his movements that were heading for the doorway when Reid broke from his side. The younger man took Morgan's hand with his, their arms outstretched but Reid couldn't release him - - as if Morgan were his lifeline while he did this last thing. His fingers curled around the edge of the sheet, just near the top, and he pulled it back slowly. Dark hair appeared first, clean and thick, as it always was. Then that strong forehead that was usually creased in thought and determination came next. Hotch's closed eyes bit into Reid's pain and took a chunk from him as he realized that he'd never see that hawk-like gaze again.

The cry that bubbled up his throat caught him off-guard and the moment it sounded through the room, Morgan's arms were closing around him.

"Spencer." This time the name was soothing, full of warmth and Reid felt himself give in to the grip of Morgan's arms, his full weight falling against the stronger man.

"He's gone." His words were gasped, something thick in his throat keeping him from having the ability to breathe properly.

"I know, Spencer. I know."

***

The hallway outside of the morgue was too bright for Reid. It didn't seem right to him, that everything was so bright when there was nothing but darkness left for Hotch. It was cold, just like the room that held the team's leader. Too cold, Reid decided. But there was warmth pouring through him, all from the hand that was splayed, protectively and with a soothing notion, by Morgan. The rest of the team was waiting for them. Him, Reid realized. They were waiting for him. Concern flooded their eyes for the youngest, most vulnerable member of the BAU team. There was no worry for Hotch, he thought to himself, because there was nothing they could do for him. Reid, however, was a different story.

"Morgan." Rossi's voice sounded, and Morgan lifted his head to look at the older man. He didn't move from Reid, as if he thought that should he, the younger man would lose his balance and fall to his knees.

Reid knew he was right. There was nothing else keeping him upright aside from that touch. Nothing else to stop him from going to his knees in a prayer for Hotch's soul even when he didn't quite believe in religion. He read the Bible, memorized it simply because he could, but religion was something to Reid that others simply wanted to believe in. That's what kept this world spinning. As long as people believed there was more, they wouldn't become monsters. Save for those that the BAU team profiled and hunted down. Reid wished he could believe, too.

"Yeah?" Morgan's voice was too steady and Reid knew that Morgan was bracing himself to be the rcok for the rest of them.

"They found your credentials at Hotch's apartment."

The warmth was gone all too sudden. It shocked Reid and a noise escaped his throat. Garcia's eyes darted to him but Reid was focused on some blank point on the wall. Morgan's hand was gone and the other man's eyes were burning into Rossi's skull. For a moment, in his dark abyss, Reid imagined Rossi's brain melting under the heat of Morgan's gaze.

"It was him." There was steel in Morgan's voice and Reid couldn't help the shudder that went down his spine.

"There was something else." Rossi continued. Even with the grief surrounding the team, Rossi wouldn't sugar-coat the evidence at the crime scene.

The blood in his body drummed in his ears as Reid heard Rossi tell Morgan that his name had been written in blood.

"That's new." Emily stated - - speaking of the profile as if Hotch weren't dead in the next room. Reid understood that to a point. The case had been close to Hotch's heart, or mind, or body. Something. But Hotch had been deeply engrossed in it and maybe this was what Emily thought she had to do, that it was all she could do for him.

"You need to be careful, Morgan."

"Do you think he's going to come for me?" Morgan snorted.

Reid turned to look at him, his eyes focused for the first time since he'd arrived. "If his pattern's changed - - then he might be coming for you. He left items from his previous victims on the newest victims. He could be back-tracking."

Morgan ignored Reid and it bothered him more than it ever had before.

"I'll be fine." And it was with those words that Morgan turned around and walked down that long, too bright hallway, exiting and disappearing from their line of view.

"I'll go-" Garcia started, but Reid was already taking off after his partner.

Outside, the air was thick and immediately Reid felt his insides turn at the drast change in his surroundings. "Morgan!"

The tall black man didn't stop his determined walk towards his bike.

"Morgan!" Reid ran faster, to the point where he thought he might have to stop and double over for breath. "Derek! Please!"

This time, Morgan stopped his walk. He spoke, but he didn't turn around for Reid to see his face. "I'm fine, kid. Go back inside."

Reid's heart gave a thud against his ribcage at the "kid" that escaped Morgan's tight-lined lips, but he didn't turn around and go back in like some ordered puppy. "Morgan - - let me come home with you."

Morgan's shoulders dropped as if Reid had asked the impossible of him. "Why?"

"I don't want to be alone." Reid answered, honestly, because that was his best route to securing a way to Morgan's apartment. "I don't think you want to be alone - - please, Morgan. I keep seeing that white sheet."

A sigh passed through Morgan's frame, but Reid knew instantly that he caved in. "C'mon, pretty boy."

Reid had never been inside of Morgan's apartment before. Hotch had kept a key to each profiler's home, but Reid had a feeling that even their deceased team leader had never been inside. It wasn't what he expected. He pictured dark walls, with accents of romantic colours. Deep crimsons, something akin. Instead, the walls were a rushing blue - - something from the deep sea. The couch was made for relaxation, not seducing. The television wasn't big. There were pictures of his family along the shelf on the far wall.

"Stop staring, kid." Morgan's voice sounded in the distance before Reid realized he'd been deep in thought.

"Sorry." He mumbled, his hand rubbing along the back of his head.

"I'll grab some blankets for you - - do you need something to sleep in?" Morgan began heading for the hall before Reid spoke.

"Do you really think I'm going to be able to sleep, Morgan?" Reid sounded indignant. "After what happened? And it's too quiet in here. Do you have a fan or something? Anything with noise, or I won't even be able to get comfortable."

Morgan gave him an incredulous look and Reid felt himself shrink under his gaze.

"Do you need something to sleep in?" Morgan repeated.

"... Derek." Reid couldn't help but to let loose his name with that whimperish sound in his throat.

"I'm not going to sleep, neither." That admittance seemed to pain Morgan - - in more ways than one, and Reid being Reid, caught it.

"Not just because of Hotch." It wasn't a question that passed the younger man's trembling lips.

"If you think I'm afraid of that - - man - - you're wrong, Reid."

So it was "Reid" again. Reid felt his shoulders drop in defeat and he turned, eyeing the couch that didn't look like it was worn down. Thinking about it, Reid rationalized that even if it was made for relaxation, Morgan didn't really have the time to enjoy such a luxury. He moved forward and bent forward to touch the fabric of the couch, as if testing the waters, finding the best place to place himself, and it was then that he felt the rushing warmth of a hand on his body - - a familiar warmth, like he'd had at the hospital.

Morgan's hand was on the small of his back and it sent heat searing through Reid's too-thin body. He paused just as he was, bent forward slightly, when he heard Morgan's sigh. "Derek?"

"He got the best of me last time, Spencer."

"You're ready for him now, Derek." Reid tried to reason with his partner.

"I was ready for him last time too." Morgan argued, anger in his tones this time. "I went into that house looking for him and he still got to me first."

"And you're wondering what's different this time?" Reid's voice had dropped to a whisper.

"Yeah." There was nothing else for Morgan to say.

"Me." Reid stated, as if it were obvious.

"What?" Morgan arched a brow though Reid couldn't see it with his back presented to him.

"I'm the difference. I'm here this time, Morgan." Reid's words barely rose above that whisper he'd suddenly adopted. "I won't let him get that close to you again."

Big words for a man known for his knack with getting into trouble. He was infamous for his inability to really shoot a gun, even if he carried one, and he wasn't exactly the strong one on the team. That was, in fact, Morgan. How could he protect the man he thought strongest on the team?

Morgan didn't say anything and Reid felt himself turning to face him, suddenly so close to Morgan that their chests touched, his breath hitting Morgan's chin - - those few inches that Morgan had on him suddenly at the forefront of Reid's mind. Morgan's eyes seemed to darken as Reid's warmth breath hit his dark flesh.

"Is that so, kid?" Somehow, that nickname coming from Morgan's lips seemed different now than all other times he'd said it.

"Yes."

Reid's vision blurred as Morgan's lips connected to his and he was drinking down the taste of his team member.

***

Reid's knees had locked from the sudden connection of his lips to Morgan's - - his legs trembling in complaint of holding him up, so when his hands found purchase on Morgan's sides, it wasn't with desire. Well, not completely. There was a flame building within the pit of his stomach and it was threatening to rise above, searing his heart in its path. He was quaking, inside and out, as so many thoughts made their way through his mind, leaving fireworks in their wake - - so many thoughts that even Dr. Spencer Reid found them overwhelming despite his ability to take in more information than should be humanly possible.

Morgan must have felt his quivering, because his muscled arms found their way around Reid in both voracity and comfort for the younger man. Reid's hands tightened into fists, gripping Morgan's dark, tight shirt as desire began to override the nervousness in his mind and body. He found his lips parting to take a better, more thorough, taste of the man holding on to him.

"M-Morgan..." He stammered against Morgan's mouth and felt his head bending further back as one of Morgan's hands found that ever growing, wavy hair of his.

"Sshhh, Spencer." Morgan's lips brushed against his own as his words left his mouth, never stopping that kiss, as if words couldn't tear him away from his newfound desire.

There was no more stammering to escape Reid's lips. He found himself letting his eyes shut, letting his lips experience the caress of Morgan's, and he found himself completely forgetting that this was a man holding on to him. Reid knew he would lament the loss of Morgan's touches right now so he held that building fluster within himself. His hands fisted tightly and he knew that, surely, his fingers were digging into Morgan's sides. He went completely blank when the kiss began to deepen, taking a turn for more passion than exploring and he knew even now that his lips would be swollen from Morgan's ministrations.

There was a dark hand wrapping around his wavy hair, and those long fingers sought to embed themselves close to his scalp. Reid knew he was a moaning mess against the thicker man. He knew that Morgan was drinking more than his taste down - - he was swallowing each noise, taking it within himself and Reid found that making his body temperature take the path towards heat. He realized he was kneading Morgan's sides like a pleased kitten would, gripping and trying to provide the same pleasure he was reveling in.

He mewled - - and he could feel Morgan's smirk against his mouth. The kiss was the most beautiful thing Reid had ever experienced. It was needing, it was passionate, and it held the ringing of a phone.

Reid blinked, his hands losing their hold almost immediately. Morgan released a disgruntled sound and reached for his phone on the clip at his hip.

"Rossi." Morgan growled out the man's name before he even answered. "Hello?"

Reid winced and that low, threatening noise wasn't even directed at him. In the wake of that moment between them, Morgan had shifted his entire body language in an instant and there was something to be both awed and feared in that.

"What do you mean, Rossi? I'm not leaving my apartment. Forget about it." Even a few steps away, Reid could hear Rossi's angry voice through the phone.

Realization dawned on Reid and even with his experience involving the FBI and multiple serial killers, there was a shudder of fear that started at his spine and worked its way up his back. "Rossi's right, Morgan."

"What kid?" Morgan turned fierce, dark eyes on him and Reid audibly swallowed.

"He got to Hotch. He can get to you. He could be here already and we wouldn't know it." Reid reasoned, his voice too shaky for his own liking.

Morgan released another one of his infamous, displeased sighs. "That would just be another thing he took from me, Reid."

Reid felt himself wither inside, hearing his name once more. Morgan was changing like the switch of a light, so fluid that it was discomforting.

"Would you rather he took your life this time?" Reid countered - - and felt his back straighten in determination. That fear in his stomach was from the realization, once more, that their team was only mortal. He'd lost Hotch already. He would not lose Morgan. He would not lose Morgan.

"Fine." Morgan spoke through clenched teeth and mumbled to Rossi that he was leaving. They were leaving. "I'll call you when we're someplace safe."

The phone snapped shut and Reid was left in awe that it hadn't snapped under the pressure of Morgan's hands. Morgan moved away from him, his back presented, and disappeared towards a room in the apartment that Reid assumed was his bedroom.

"Derek." Morgan's first name came so easily from his swollen lips that it almost shocked him.

"What, Reid? I'm grabbing a bag, and we're going to leave. Give me a minute." Just as Reid feared - - Morgan was angry at him for agreeing with Rossi even though Reid was positive that he saw reason behind their words.

He could only hope that Morgan would consciously see that reason soon and rise above this dark cloud of anger.

"Where are we?" Reid asked - - breaking the silence of the hour car ride that had been one of the worst in his life. The tension had been so high that it had made the air within the SUV thick. Muggy. Uncomfortable.

"Someplace safe." Morgan's words were tipping towards dark sarcasm, and Reid found it stifling.

"Der-" He started, but stopped and gripped the door when they came to a halt.

"It's a friend's house. A friend not involved with the FBI." Morgan informed him and Reid glanced around as he opened the vehicle door.

"No one's home?"

"He's on vacation. I'm watching the place for him."

"I thought we'd go back to the BAU." Reid whispered, but it was loud enough in the wooded, night air for Morgan to hear.

"I thought that would be the last place you'd want to be right now, kid." Morgan threw his bag over his shoulder and stalked towards the front door. The sounds of the woods echoed around them, crickets chorusing and owls letting loose their haunting noises.

"Both of us." Reid countered.

Morgan paused, the key in the door, before he shoved it open and turned a light on. "Both of us."

"Morgan - - how often does this friend of yours come here?" Reid appeared in the doorway to Morgan's "bedroom", his vested sweater wrinkled, his pants in the same state.

"I suppose this is more like his vacation house. Why?" Morgan arched a dark brow and glanced at the younger, obviously uncomfortable man.

"Mice ate the sheets in my room." That sentence was almost childish, passing his lips.

"So find another set." Morgan didn't appear to be in the mood for Reid's presence and Reid felt it tearing at him from inside even when he was still struggling with the fact that he'd kiss a man.

A hunch appeared in Reid's tall and lanky form. "There aren't any. Nevermind. I'll use my resources to come up with a solution."

Reid could swear he heard Morgan mumble 'fuck' before he was up and crossing towards the doorway where Reid had just been. "C'mon kid. You can stay in here."

Morgan didn't try to kiss him again. Morgan didn't even touch him on accident. Reid was on his belly, facing the wall with a blanket thrown over his body. He was on the raggedy edge of sleep when a sound hit his ears that was unfamiliar. Not in the "someone outside is trying to get in" unfamiliar - - but a noise he never thought he'd hear Morgan release. There was no other there but Morgan, and Reid had been so close to him in the past few years that he knew even when the sound of breath belonged to him and not another.

"Derek?" Reid lifted his head from the pillow and turned his body to face in his partner's direction.

Morgan was on his side, facing the opposite direction, but Reid recognized the shaking of his bare shoulders. When had Morgan lost his shirt? The thought was there and gone in the next moment as he reached forward and touched dark flesh - - only to hear Morgan's sharp intake of breath and a noise that let Reid know he didn't want to be touched.

"Derek." Reid was pleading and it was something foreign to him. Morgan showing visible signs of distress was foreign to him.

"What, kid?" Morgan bit out - - his voice choked and lowered.

"Don't do that." Reid reached forward against, following an instinct he never knew he had, to press his cheek to Morgan's bare shoulder. He wrapped an arm around him and let it rest near Morgan's taut, muscled stomach. "Go ahead, and cry, but please. Don't call me that."

Morgan didn't say anything, his body tightening in distress from holding back the cries he'd been experiencing before Reid noticed. As if he were waiting for Reid to roll over so he could continue on in his silent pain.

"It's okay, Derek. You don't have to be so strong all of the time."

"What do you know about it?" Morgan refused to move still, his breathing shallow.

Reid let loose a low chuckle, "Did you really just ask me that? A profiler, Derek?"

It was enough to make Morgan let out a sharp laugh, before he sunk back down beneath that black abyss threatening to take him under permanently.

"I know that you hold up this facade of being strong all the time because it's what others expect of you. It's what they're used to. Like a routine. I know you think that if you're not strong, you've failed as the unmoving, protective rock to our team." Reid's cheek was pressed to his shoulder still, his warm breath dancing along dark flesh. "You're always there for me when I need to be strong, Derek. Let me be here for you, when you're raw and vulnerable. It's something that I'm no stranger to feeling."

Morgan turned in his arms and faced him. "Sometimes I forget you're a genius, Spencer."

"It's not because I'm a genius, Derek. It's because I'm human."

***

Derek Morgan was going to go crazy. There was only so much chess he could take and Reid knew it. He knew just how close his partner was to falling off the deep end into chess oblivion. He couldn't help it really - - he loved seeing Morgan's smile when he finally made a move against him. Of course, those frustrated sighs and little threats were just as welcome because Morgan had yet to beat him in a game. It was how Reid had bonded with Gideon - - and though it wasn't right for him and Morgan, it was a start. Soon he'd find the right thing that would be perfect for the two of them. He was sure of it.

"Checkmate."

"Spencer." Morgan's voice held warning - - that Reid could only smile at. "If you make me play one more game of chess, I swear, I'll lose my mind and turn this gun on you."

Reid's brown eyes flickered towards the gun on the table, having already noticed that it was never out of Morgan's reach.

"You're getting better."

"You should know better than to lie to me. Even if it is to humour me." Morgan grunted.

"You should be more confident. It'll help. Really."

"I'm plenty confident. I just don't play chess." Morgan argued.

"Okay, what do you play?"

"You think I'm going to tell you? So you can go read up on it in twenty seconds and then be better at it than me?" Morgan arched a brow, a chuckle in his throat.

"I've had sex before, Morgan. I don't need to read about it." He couldn't help his cheekiness.

"Ha. Ha." Morgan stood from the table, taking his gun with him as he headed into the kitchen to find himself a drink.

"Will you bring me back a water?" Reid called after him, standing and moving himself.

He headed for the bay window of the house they were staying in. Recalling the night before, he remember falling asleep holding Morgan, his cheek to his muscled back. But when he awoke, it was to something different, but somehow right. Morgan was holding -him-, tightly, wrapping up the skinnier, younger man as if he thought even in his sleep that Reid needing protecting. Of course, Reid had welcomed it. Not only because it was filling him with warmth from the safety of his arms, but because he thought it did Morgan good to know that he was still capable of keeping him safe. He was ready and willing to do whatever he could to bring Morgan's confidence back, even if it would be slow in the wake of Hotch's death.

"Do you know if they've made funeral plans yet?" Reid turned to look into the kitchen - - but everything was silent. Too silent.

It worried Reid, because he knew Morgan would have called back to him with an answer. The silence made him wonder if perhaps Morgan was slipping back into the state Reid had found him in last night. Quietly, nearly tiptoeing, he made his way towards the kitchen.

"Reid!" Morgan's voice sounded at the same time that Reid's ears caught a chuckle that was not Morgan's.

Everything became so blurred for the younger man. He saw a man wearing a black hooded sweatshirt, and he saw Morgan moving towards him at the same time that he heard a gunshot. Reid awaited the pain that would come with the bullet that would rip through his chest - - preparing himself in those tiny, heart-wrenching moments.

But it never came.

Instead, he felt the deadweight of Derek Morgan falling on top of him and the warmth of blood that wasn't his when he realized that Morgan had thrown himself in front of him to protect him.

With a tiny cry, Reid hated that Morgan would do anything to protect him.

Even take a bullet for him.