Title: Watching the Clock
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Spencer Reid
Fandom: CSI: Las Vegas/Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, 52_challenge
Prompt: 48, Listlessly
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Spencer Reid, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Greg looked up from the magazine he had pretended to read for the past half hour, sighing as his gaze fell on the clock. How long had Spencer been gone now? He didn't really have to ask himself that question. He knew the exact time, right down to the minute.

He hated it when Spencer left, but he knew that he couldn't ask his boyfriend to stay here when the BAU needed him. He had a job to do, and it wasn't right to keep him from that. He couldn't expect Spencer to drop everything just to deal with his phobias and problems.

Things hadn't been like that when they had first met, he told himself with a sigh, closing the magazine and pushing it aside. Everything in their relationship had been great until Foyet had decided to target him, to send a message to the members of the BAU.

Of course, Foyet hadn't known then that he was a CSI -- or had he? It would have been all too easy for that bastard to have followed him to work at the crime lab, and to have known exactly what he did when he wasn't working for the escort service.

Well, that part of his life was definitely over and done with. Spencer had pointed out that he no longer needed the extra money now that they were sharing rent on his apartment, and after what had happened with Foyet, he didn't particularly want to go back, anyway.

His safety was more important than money. Spencer had pointed that out, too -- but he hadn't worried about his safety until Foyet had come into their lives. There hadn't seemed to be any reason to worry -- after all, the service had always run full background checks on their clients.

But somehow, Foyet had managed to slip through the cracks, Greg thought, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the couch cushions. He didn't want to think about that monster, but somehow, his thoughts always seemed to move in that direction.

It was going to be a long time before he got over what had happened -- if ever, he told himself, rolling his head to the side ot look up at the clock on the wall again. He didn't want to think like that, but he didn't really have a choice -- at least, not in the way he viewed things.

He couldn't stop his thoughts from going back to that night, and wondering if he could have done anything to avoid what had happened. Even when he tried to push those memories away, they kept coming back to attack him, time and time again.

Greg sighed, closing his eyes and sinking back into the cushions. He couldn't fight his own brain -- even being able to shut his thoughts off via sleep wasn't helping much these days, as he hadn't been sleeping well ever since he'd come home from the hospital.

He slept better when Spencer was here, of course, but that was only to be expected. When his boyfriend was here, he didn't have the added worry that Spencer was putting his life on the line on a case, that he was in some kind of danger and might not come back.

Spencer would argue that he put his life on the line every day when he went out to a crime scene, but Greg couldn't see it that way. He was only there to gather evidence -- he wasn't in the thick of things, chasing serial killers. His job wasn't nearly as dangerous as Spencer's was.

He didn't want to think of his boyfriend being in the line of fire; even though Spencer had been doing this job for quite a while, he still didn't like to think of the man he loved being in danger. But he knew that Spencer loved his job, and he couldn't ask him to leave it.

Greg sighed, wishing that the hands on the clock would move faster. Maybe when he went to work tonight, he would be able to take his mind off his own problems and focus on someone else's. It was always good to have something other than himself to focus on.

He had to push this listlessness away from him; he couldn't keep on like this, or he would fall into depression. He didn't want to go there; he'd seen too many people he cared for, friends and family, sink into that kind of dark melancholy after they'd dealt with a crisis.

This kind of listlessness was the first step to embracing depression; he couldn't let himself do that, not just for his own sake, but for Spencer's. Greg knew that if he sank into depression, Spencer would blame himself, and that would put even more strain on their relationship.

It wouldn't be easy to lift himself out of this miasma, but he would do it somehow, he told himself. He had to. He couldn't let Spencer think that what had happened was in any way his fault; that kind of thinking would only lead to them moving further apart.

That was the last thing he wanted. He didn't want to let Foyet come between them; even though Spencer could argue that he would never have been a target if they weren't involved, Greg wasn't going to let his lover go down that path of reasoning.

Foyet had targeted him because he was involved with Spencer, yet; but he would have done the same to any person that someone in the BAU was in a relationship with. He had just happened to be the easiest target to get to, and Spencer couldn't be blamed for that.

He would never blame his boyfriend for any of this. Spencer was the best thin that had ever happened to him, and if being with him meant placing himself in danger from time to time, then he was willing to do so. He wasn't going to give up simply because it wasn't always "safe."

Being with Spencer might not always be safe, but Spencer was the man he loved, and he wasn't going to end their relationship because of someone like Foyet. If anything, that element of danger would only bring them closer and make them love each other all the more.

Greg sighed again, this time standing up and stretching before he looked at the clock. Only ten minutes had gone by since the first time he'd looked; it was maddening how slowly time could go by when he was feeling listless and wanted it to move faster.

If the clock moved faster, then he would have an excuse to get ready for work, to turn his mind to the case he was currently working on and away from his own problems. Maybe if he could do that, then this listless feeling would go away, and he'd feel as though he had a purpose.

That feeling probably wasn't going to go away until Spencer was back, and they could be together again, Greg told himself as he headed towards the kitchen. Until then, he would continue to watch the time, and hope that his boyfriend might be here sooner than expected.

***