Title: The Shadow of Your Smile
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Spencer Reid/Ethan Delacroix
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Spencer Reid or Ethan Delacroix, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

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Spencer didn't know quite how he and Ethan made it to his bedroom; getting there was a blur to him. His mind didn't clear until he had pushed Ethan down onto his bed, back against the pillows, then stood back and looked down at him.

He had wanted this man for so long; Ethan had always seemed like an impossible dream that he would never have. He had dreamed about being with Ethan, thought about it, regretted that he hadn't been more aggressive in the past and gone after what he wanted.

But now, Ethan was here -- not only in his life, but in his bed. They had talked about moving in together, starting a relationship. There had been so much time wasted between them already; he wanted to put an end to that, to make the most of the time they had now.

Still, it didn't seem right to simply jump on each other; they had waited too long for that. It would be an anticlimax to all of his dreams if their physical relationship began in a blur of lust. No, he wanted this to be a night to remember -- for both of them.

It didn't matter that he probably wasn't nearly as experienced as Ethan was, Spencer told himself firmly. He had enough experience to know what to do -- and besides, new lovers always took a while to discover each other, to find their rhythm and sync together.

Ethan was watching him, looking up at him with wide dark eyes. What had he expected? Spencer wondered, a small smile curving his lips. Maybe he'd thought that Spencer would be the more passive partner; Ethan had a lot to learn about him.

He didn't always take the lead, but in this case, he'd wanted Ethan for far too long not to be the one in charge. He couldn't keep the smile from his face; he finally had what he'd always wanted within reach, being offered to him freely and openly.

Spencer had never thought that this would happen, but now that it had, he wasn't going to turn away from what having his heart's desire within his grasp. It only took him moments to remove his clothes, then he was lying beside Ethan, pulling the other man into his arms.

"What are you smiling about?" Ethan whispered into his ear. He pulled back slightly, raising a hand to trace the outline of Spencer's upper lip with a gentle fingertip. "That smile has haunted me ever since I left Quantico," he murmured, his gaze riveted on Spencer's face.

"I'm just thinking about how much I've wanted this -- and how I can't quite believe that it's actually going to happen," Spencer told him, his voice catching in his throat. "I've wanted to make love to you for so long, Ethan. I thought it was a dream that would never come true."

"It's not a dream," Ethan told him, rolling over onto his back and looking up at Spencer. "I'm yours, now and always." He smiled up at Spencer, the look of promise in his dark eyes making the younger man's heart thump almost painfully in his chest.

The shadow of Ethan's smile had been with him through all of the time they'd been apart. That smile was why he'd never been able to get serious about anyone else; they hadn't been Ethan. They hadn't smiled at him like that. They hadn't been the man he loved.

He didn't know what might happen after tonight, if things would work out between the two of them or not. But he knew that he would regret it for the rest of his life if he didn't try, if he didn't reach out for what was being handed to him and hold it close to his heart.

Spencer reached for the bedside table, fumbling a bit as he opened the drawer, his fingers searching for the small tube of lubricant he kept there. He hoped that Ethan wouldn't question why he had it; he didn't want to break the mood to do any explaining.

Within seconds, he was sliding one lubed finger inside Ethan, feeling those muscles tighten around the intrusion, then relax. He closed his eyes, feeling his heartbeat pound harder than ever; if what he was doing already felt incredible, what would be it be like to finally be inside Ethan?

He was going to know what that felt like very soon, Spencer told himself, his breath coming faster at the thought. After all these years of fantasizing about Ethan, the object of his desire was in his arms, that beautiful body spread out under him, opening to his touch.

Spencer slipped a second finger into Ethan's body, feeling gratified when the other man moaned and writhed under him. If he could make Ethan react like this just by using his fingers, he could only imagine what the reaction would be when their bodies finally joined.

His breath came faster at the thought, his senses reeling. The idea of being inside Ethan still seemed like a fantasy, a dream that might not materialize, even though they had come this far. Ethan could still say no -- and if he did, Spencer would accept that.

But it didn't seem as though Ethan wanted him to stop, not judging by the way he was rocking his hips against Spencer's hand, his breath coming in soft, ragged gasps. "Spencer, if you keep this up, you're going to bring me off before you're even inside me."

Ethan's voice broke the silence that had settled around them; Spencer knew that that this was the time to move forward, to make the dream that he'd cherished for so many years come true. Slowly, carefully, he drew his fingers out, positioning himself at Ethan's entrance.

When their eyes met, he could barely hold back the soft cry that rose to his lips. Ethan's smile swept all the years away, made him feel as though they were back at the exact place they'd been in years ago, when he had wanted so badly to express his feelings and hadn't been able to.

The shadow of that smile had been with him for all this time, always coming into his mind when he was with anyone else. It had always been Ethan for him; there had been no one else who could make that smile dissipate, no one who could ever meant this much to him.

Before he could let himself think about what he was doing, Spencer thrust his hips forward, sliding into Ethan with an urgency that made them both cry out. A flash of what felt like white-hot lightning went down Spencer's spine, wringing another cry from his lips.

He had known that being inside Ethan would feel wonderful -- but he hadn't expected this. It was as though Ethan had been made to fit him; he'd never felt such warmth, enveloping his entire body, sending waves of pleasure flowing through him.

Within moments, he had worked up a slow, steady rhythm, not taking his eyes from Ethan's face as he thrust forward into that welcoming warmth. He could feel Ethan's long legs wrapped around his waist, those taut thighs squeezing his sides; that sensation only drove him onward.

He was lost in a world of pleasure that he would never have thought possible; he had known that joining with Ethan would be a dream come true, but he hadn't expected the feeling to be this sublime. He could die now, expire in Ethan's embrace, and he would be a happy man.

Each thrust lifted him into a paradise unlike any he'd ever known before, or even dreamed of. He had never felt this complete with any other lover -- not that he'd had many. But from now on, he knew that he would only have one. The man in his arms was the only person he would ever want.

It took Spencer several long moments to realize that Ethan was crying out softly with each thrust, that his body was tightening, starting to tremble in his arms. It was almost a shock to realize how close they both were to finding their release..

He was close to the edge, so close -- and he was sure that Ethan was, as well. Judging from the way that the other man was grasping his shoulders and gasping with each thrust, and from the tightening of his inner muscles around Spencer, he would come at any moment.

That was what he wanted; he was determined to make sure that Ethan reached the peak of pleasure before he let himself go. That didn't seem like it would be hard to do, Ethan was already close, and all it would take was a few more thrusts before --

Ethan's cry pierced the air, his nails digging into Spencer's back, his thighs tightening against his lover's sides. Spencer gave up trying to brace himself over Ethan's body, wrapping his arms around the other man and giving himself up to his climax.

He didn't know how long he lay there, simply holding Ethan close and listening to his heartbeat and his rapid breathing; when he finally lifted his head, he realized that Ethan was watching him, a soft smile of contentment curving those full, sensual lips.

The shadow of that smile, his memories of how Ethan looked when that soft, sweet expression was on his face, had haunted him for so many years. And now that smile was right here in front of him; he would never have to simply imagine what it was like again.

He would have Ethan here in his arms, in his bed, every night. He would be able to see that smile, hear Ethan's laughter, hold him, touch him, kiss him, love him. He would know that Ethan would always be here, waiting for him, whenever Spencer needed him.

And he would be here for Ethan, too. There would be no more lonely nights, no more wondering where the man he loved was, who he was with, what he was doing. He would never again have to regret that he'd let the best thing in his life drift away.

Spencer reached out to cup Ethan's cheek, stroking his fingers across the other man's soft skin, his gaze riveted on Ethan's face. He never wanted to stop looking at this man; he wanted to memorize those features, to keep Ethan's face permanently etched on his brain forever.

"I love you," Ethan whispered, his voice very soft and husky in the stillness of the room. Those three little words made Spencer's heart skip a beat; he hadn't expected to hear them, not out loud, not this soon. But Ethan had said them -- and Spencer was sure that they were heartfelt.

"I love you, too," he answered, his voice breaking on the last word. "I've always loved you. even when I couldn't say the words because I was afraid you didn't feel the same way." He didn't know why he felt the need to explain that; the words simply came out of their own accord.

"I've wanted to say that for so long," Ethan told him, his long, slender fingers wrapping around Spencer's. "I wish I'd said it a long time ago, when I first knew how I felt. But I was scared, too. I was scared that you wouldn't want me to love you."

"We've had so many misunderstandings between us," Spencer murmured, not knowing what else to say. "But I think we've gotten everything cleared up now. And I think we're both right where we should be, even though it's taken us a long time to get here."

Ethan only smiled up at him, all that he felt written in his eyes. Spencer didn't need to hear him say those words again; it was enough for him to know that Ethan felt them, and that his own heart returned them in every possible way.

The shadow of Ethan's smile would no longer haunt his dreams, Spencer told himself, his own smile answering Ethan's as he leaned down for a gentle, loving kiss. That smile was right here, for him to see whenever he wanted to. And he hoped that he would see it every day for the rest of his life.

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