Title: I'd Rather Be Gone
Author: Jaxson K.
Pairing: Don/Mac, Mac/Danny
Rating: R
Summary: Sometimes people find it easier to leave...
Warning(s): character death, mentions of suicide...

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Mac's cell startled him from his thoughts. Danny reached over and handed Mac his phone.....

"Taylor..."

"Mac?"

"Yes, Stella.....What is it?"

"A call just went out over the radio about a possible shooting at your address and I wanted to see if you were alright....."

"Stella, I'm obviously fine. I'm not at home, but it sounds like I need to get there."

With that, Mac closed his phone. Danny asked him what was going on. He explained the nature of the call as he was getting dressed. Danny offered to go with him, but Mac declined because he had no idea what was going on at home. He kissed Danny and told him he would call as soon as he knew what was going on.

Once in a cab, Mac tried to call Don's cell and was puzzled when it went to voicemail. That was very unusual because Don was subject to be on call at times, and never turned his phone off. He became even more concerned when he saw the ambulance outside his building.

He got out of the cab and flashed his badge to get past the cops out front. He made his way to his apartment only to be stopped by Stella at the door.....

"Mac, you don't need to go in there......"

"Stella, it's my apartment. What the hell is going on?"

"Mac, there's no easy way to say this.....Don committed suicide."

Seeing Stella there with tears streaming down her face, Mac knew this was real. Not some nightmare, but the real thing. Before Mac could say anything, the people from the medical examiner's office were coming through with Don's body on a stretcher. Mac stepped out of the way, and stopped when one of the crime scene techs called his name. The tech came to the door holding an envelope with Mac's name on it.

Mac looked at the envelope and saw the familiar handwriting addressed to him. He put it in his pocket and finished up answering questions and gathering things he needed from inside. He and Stella rode down together in the elevator, and when they reached the lobby, Stella offered to let Mac stay with her. When he declined, she turned to look at him with the oddest expression......

"What is it, Stella?"

"I forgot....you could always stay with Danny."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know damn well what I'm talking about. You know, Danny...your fair-haired golden boy fuck buddy!"

"Stella, I don't....."

"Bull Shit, Taylor! Everybody knows you're fucking him. It's been going on for the last two years. I don't know why, though. Don was a lot better for you......"

"Dammit, Stella!"

"Don't even think about it, Mac. Just catch a cab and go back to Danny's."

Before Mac could say another word, Stella stomped off, got in her car, and drove away. Mac hailed a cab and gave the driver Danny's address. When he arrived, he found Danny sitting on the couch crying. When he heard the door open, Danny looked up and asked Mac if it were true. Mac only nodded, and that sent Danny into a fresh fit of crying.

Mac went to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. While he was waiting for it to get ready, he remembered the envelope in his pocket. He opened the envelope and pulled out the letter that was inside. His hands shook as he began to read.....

Mac,

I know this is not how you expected things to end. I don't apologize for what I did. Ever since you took up with Danny, you've changed. Yes, by the way, I knew about you and Danny. I never said anything because I hoped it was a passing thing that you would tire of, and that it would end. It didn't , but I stayed, hoping that it would.

For quite a while now I've felt like a stranger in this home we shared. I couldn't understand the change you went through, but I watched you grow colder and more distant every day. That's why I did what I did. I knew it was just a matter of time before you would tell me I was dragging you down. That's why I'd rather be gone than in your way.

Don

Mac placed the letter on the table, tears in his eyes. He knew his lust had caused more damage than he could ever repair. What made things worse was the fact that it was something he was going to have to live with for a very long time.....

END

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