Title: How Did We Fall?
By: gracey_99_1999
Pairing: Cath/Sara
Fandom: CSI: Las Vegas
Rating: PG
Series: 1) About Last Night.....
Summary: Sara reacts badly to a case, she reacts the only way she knows how.....

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Catherine,

It's over, I can still hear the words as I spoke them to you, still see the look in your eyes and still hear the beating of my heart. As I walked away I could hear our relationship cracking behind me, "Skate thinly on ice and walk with regrets on glass"

I knew I had hurt you, shattered your walls so that others could see your pain but I didn't know how not to. It seems who we are as people doesn't work; we keep clashing with each other as we tumble through our lives. I want to hold you, touch you and feel your heart in my hand, but it is not enough.

"I want to know you by heart..."

I need you to feel safe, protected against the harsh realities of life that surround you day by day and I don't know how. I don't know how to be all that you need when I don't know what that is. My arms don't feel long enough and my heart not big enough. I thought they where, I thought I could do it, but I can't.

"I can't be all that you need and all that you need is more than I can give."

When I saw you today in the lab I wanted to scream, scream so loudly so I didn't hear the breaking of my heart in the still and empty place it exists. But I didn't know how to tell you that, tell you that I wanted you, needed you, so instead I told you to go away.

"I protected you the only way I knew how to, by walking away."

After you left that day I knew my world would fall apart, crashing in around me before I could gather up the pieces. Maybe you where my favourite toy, if I couldn't have you I didn't want any one else to play with you; I know that that was wrong but it is all that I know.

I see myself writing this and I wonder, wonder about him. How I offered to hold his hand, maybe a part of me wants to hold it tight and never let go. I can pretend that this never happened, that my soul never flew your way and that my life is normal. With you it was never normal?amazing, sensual, passionate, angry and beautiful, but never normal.

I never wanted to hurt you and now I don't know how to fix it, too many barriers stand in our way. I thought love could overcome it all but I was wrong, sometimes it's just not enough. I'm sorry,

Sara X

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