Title: Every Time I Think of You
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Gil Grissom & past Gil/Sara
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Gil Grissom, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Gil looked up from his desk, glancing over at Greg with a smile. His boyfriend was curled up on the couch with a book about the history of the crime syndicate in Vegas, a subject that Greg seemed to find endlessly fascinating no matter how many books he read about it.

All he had to do was take one look at Greg, and he felt happier than he had in a long time. Just being in the same room with the man he loved could make him feel more alive, his senses tingling in a way that they hadn't since he was working with the crime lab.

His marriage had never brought him this kind of happiness. He was truly fond of Sara; he'd cared for her, and he still did. She would always be someone he saw as a good friend, someone who had been there for him and helped him when he needed it.

But she would never be the love of his life, no matter how much he might have tried to convince himself in the past that she was what he wanted. No, that had always been Greg. Ever since he had first laid eyes on Greg, he'd known that he was head over heels in love.

He'd never felt that way with anyone else. There had never been this immediate attraction, this feeling that he had to have this person, that without them, his life would be incomplete. And he had never taken so long to let anyone know how he felt in the past, either.

Greg Sanders was different from anyone he'd ever fallen in love with before. There was something about Greg that set him apart from anyone, male or female, that Gil had ever been around. He couldn't put his finger on just what it was; Greg simply had some indefinable joie de vivre.

What exactly was it about this young man that made his heart race and his senses tingle? Gil didn't know, and he didn't feel that he needed to know. It was enough for him that the feeling was there, that he cared about Greg in ways that he couldn't begin to put into words.

When he'd gone to the crime lab for a visit, and to find out how Sara was doing after the breakup of their marriage, the last thing he'd expected was to hear that Greg had been kidnapped. Of all the things he would have expected to walk into, that hadn't been one of them.

Now that the crisis was over and they could both relax, Gil was finding that he had a hard time doing so, though he didn't want to admit that to Greg. He was constantly on the lookout, vigilant lest something or someone might threaten his young lover again.

He shouldn't be so jumpy all the time, he told himself with a sigh. Sooner or later, that uneasiness that he couldn't hold back was going to communicate itself to Greg, and then they would both be jumping at shadows and feeling paranoid.

As though Greg could sense that Gil's thoughts were on him, he looked up, meeting the older man's eyes with his own. He closed his book, stretching and smiling at Gil; that smile warmed the older man's heart in what felt like a thousand different ways.

How was it that one smile from Greg could make him feel so completely alive? No one else's smile had ever affected him like that; if he was honest with himself, he had thought about Greg's smile every day ever since the first time he'd seen it light up the younger man's face.

"What are you thinking about?" Greg asked, getting to his feet and coming to the desk. He leaned over Gil's chair, looking at what the other man had been doing, then at Gil's face. "I can't make heads or tails out of this, but I'm not a bug kind of guy."

Gil laughed at his boyfriend's words, raising a hand to stroke gentle fingertips down Greg's cheek. It was a move that was uncharacteristic, but he'd been doing a lot of things that he wouldn't have expected from himself since Greg had been staying with him.

"You don't have to be into bugs, Greg," he said softly, shaking his head. "I fell in love with you exactly the way you are. I wouldn't want you to change a thing. In fact, if you did, then you'd be someone different, and while I might not be disappointed -- it would be hard to get used to."

"I wouldn't want you to change anything, either," Greg said softly, his gaze meeting Gil's again. "I spent so much time thinking about you after you left the crime lab, and all the things I missed about you. If any of those things changed, then you wouldn't seem like .... well, like you."

"I spent a lot of time thinking about you, too," Gil told him, his voice soft and husky with emotion. "Even when I was with Sara, I couldn't get you out of my mind. And I think she knew it. She hid it well, but she always knew that I loved you."

"I hope she doesn't hate me because of how you feel about me," Greg said, his tone anxious. "I've always thought of her as a good friend. I don't want her to feel like I swooped in and took you away from her. I didn't even know how you felt until ...."

Greg's voice trailed off, a shudder going through his body. Gil could feel that shiver; within seconds, he had gotten out of his chair, pulling Greg into his arms and holding onto him as the younger man rested his head against Gil's shoulder.

"She doesn't feel that way, Greg. I know she doesn't. She understands that I left her because of how I felt about you, not because you influenced my decision. She knows you didn't have a clue about how I felt," Gil assured him, his voice low. "I made sure she knows that."

"I've spent so much time thinking about you, and feeling like I'd never have you, that I guess it's still kind of new to me knowing that you feel the way you do," Greg admitted in a choked voice. "Every time I've ever thought about you, it's been kind of bittersweet."

"Every time I think of you, it's as if .... there's a warmth wrapping around my heart," Gil said slowly, the words coming out hesitantly as he weighed them before he spoke. "I tried to deny it for a long time, but I've always known how I felt. I always knew that I loved you."

"I knew I loved you the first time you shook my hand and welcomed me to the lab," Greg said, his voice low and soft. "But I couldn't say anything then. I was so sure you didn't think of me as anything but some goofy, crazy kid. There was such a wide gulf between us."

"Never as wide as both of us probably thought it was," Gil answered, raising a hand to stroke Greg's hair. "And now it's disappeared. Nothing could keep me away from you, Greg. I tried to stay away, but my heart wouldn't let me. It's always known where I belonged."

"Every time I think of you, I feel like there's a whole new world opening up to me," Greg told him, raising his head from Gil's shoulder to gaze into the older man's eyes. "Even though we're not lovers yet, I feel like we are. I feel like I've always belonged to you."

"Maybe we've always belonged to each other in our hearts, only we would never let ourselves listen to those hearts in the past," Gil said, surprised at his own words even as he spoke. He'd never been one to believe in destiny, and that thought shook him a little.

But wasn't it true? he asked himself. He'd always known in his heart who he really loved, and who he'd always wanted to be with. It had always been Greg, no matter how much he'd tried to convince himself that it wasn't possible for them to be together.

His destiny had always been with this young man. Their age difference didn't matter, though it did give him some cause for concern, if he was honest with himself. But that wasn't something he needed to think about or bring up with Greg now.

Thinking of Greg had always been a way for him to pass the time, focusing on a dream that he thought he would never have. But that dream had come true now; it was here, in his arms, filling not only his thoughts and dreams, but every moment of his life.

"I just know that I've belonged to you ever since the first second we met," Greg murmured, looking down as though he had a hard time meeting GIl's eyes. "And I always felt a little guilty about that, especially after you left and married Sara. But I guess I didn't have to."

"No, you didn't," Gil told him, his voice equally as soft as the younger man's. "We should have told each other about our feelings long ago, Greg. I wish we had. It would have saved us a lot of heartache, and a lot of lost time that we've got to make up for now."

"I don't think making up for that lost time would be such a bad thing," Greg said, flashing that insouciant smile that Gil had come to know and love. "Just how do you think we ought to go about doing that? I've got some ideas that might be able to start us off."

"I think you should tell me all about those ideas," Gil answered, his own smile answering Greg's. Every time he'd thought about Greg in the past, before they had been together like this, he'd imagined this kind of scenario in his mind. And now it had all come true.

He wanted to spend the rest of his life not only thinking of Greg, but being with him. And from the looks of things, that dream was going to come true -- not only for the foreseeable future, but far into the future for the rest of their lives.

***