Title: First in Line
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Gil Grissom
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Table: 5_prompts, Written in the Stars challenge
Prompt: E10, That's not going to happen
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Gil Grissom, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
Series: 1) Welcome To Hell, 2) Live Through This, 3) Racing Against Time, 4) Rip Him To Shreds, 5) Killing Lies, 6) Never Give Up, 7) Just When I Needed You Most

***

When Gil came back into the hospital room, Greg was almost asleep; he hadn't wanted to fall into slumber, but he'd been so tired that he hadn't been able to stop himself. But as soon as Gil appeared in the doorway, he was wide awake, sitting up with his eyes open.

"Hey, you need to rest as much as possible," Gil told him, sitting down in the chair by his bed again and reaching out to place a restraining hand on Greg's chest when the young man would have moved to sit up. "The doctors say you might need to stay here tonight."

"Oh." Greg couldn't think of anything else to say; he felt suddenly deflated, as though he was a child who'd been promised a birthday party and then had been told that it wouldn't happen. "How much longer will I have to be here? It's not like I'm hovering near death."

"No, but they want to check you over again and make sure that you're in good enough shape to go home," Gil said, sighing as he curled his fingers around Greg's. "I agree with them, Greg. You've been through a traumatic experience. This might be the best place for you right now."

Greg shook his head, scowling at Gil's words. "They can't keep me here if I check myself out, can they?" he asked, knowing the answer before the words were out. Of course they couldn't. And he didnt intend to stay here overnight like he was an invalid.

"No, they can't, but I'm the one who's going to check you out," Gil replied, his voice calm and steady. "I'm not so sure that you should stay here overnight, so you'll be going home with me, unless the doctors say that there's something they might need to monitor."

Greg nodded, leaning back against the pillows that had been propped up behind him and letting himself relax. He wouldn't have to spend the night in a hospital; Gil would make sure of that. All he wanted to do was get out of here; being in hospitals always made him nervous.

"You said that we had some things to talk about when you came back," he reminded Gil, fixing his gaze on the other man's face. "What exactly did you mean by that?" He knew what Gil had meant, but he wanted to give the older man an opening to start talking.

"I've never been good at expressing my feelings in words, Greg," Gil began, heaving a sigh. "You know that, and so does everyone who's ever been around me. But things have come to a breaking point. I either have to tell you how I feel, or keep it inside forever."

"Just tell me," Greg said softly, a lump starting to form in his throat. "Or I can tell you first. It doesn't matter, because I think we're both going to say the same thing." His fingers tightened around Gil's; he didn't want to let go of the other man's hand.

"I'm divorcing Sara," Gil told him, his gaze meeting Greg's squarely and not flinching away. "I'm divorcing her because I never really wanted to be married to her. I was settling for second best, and I should never have done that. I should have just told you how I felt from the start."

"Yeah, you should have." Greg couldn't keep himself from saying the words." At least then I'd have known where I stood, instead of having to spend all this time feeling like I'd never have the person I'm in love with and wondering if you could ever feel the same way about me."

"You know where you stand now, don't you?" Gil asked, his gaze still locked with Greg's. "If you don't, then I'll tell you. You've always been first in line, Greg. There's never been anyone but you. As much as I tried to convince myself that there was."

"Why?" Greg whispered, his heart rate speeding up. Finally, he was going to get the answers to all of the questions he'd ever had about Gil's feelings for him. He had always thought the deisre was there, just under the surface, but he'd never had the nerve to ask.

And then, he'd thought that it was too late, far too late. Gil had left the CSI team, and married Sara, and Greg had thought that the other man was happy. Now, it seemed that he'd been wrong all of that time, and that Gil had always wanted him -- just as he'd wanted Gil.

"Because I thought there was no way that someone as young and beautiful as you could possibly want me," Gil answered, his voice so soft that Greg almost had to strain to hear the words. "I knew that I wasn't good enough to measure up to what you probably wanted -- and needed."

"You were always first in line with me, too," Greg whispered, unable to speak any louder. His eyes had filled with tears that he couldn't raise a hand to wipe away; Gil's image swam in front of his face, and for a few moments, he was afraid that he would start sobbing uncontrollably.

He had no reason to cry. Gil was here, holding his hand, bending over him with that concerned look in his eyes -- Gil was telling him that he had always been first in his heart, that he'd always wanted Greg. That was nothing to cry about. He should be jumping for joy.

"That wasn't supposed to make you cry," Gil murmured, squeezing his hand. "It was supposed to make you happy. I thought that's what you wanted to hear. Did I say something wrong, or are those tears of joy as opposed to you being horrified about how I feel?"

"Definitely tears of joy," Greg whispered, blinking rapidly to keep those tears from flowing freely. As it was, a few of them streaked down his face; Gil reached out to gently wipe them away, then leaned forward and brushed soft lips against Greg's cheek.

"You'll always be first in line with me, Greg," Gil whispered into his ear, so softly that Greg wondered if he was really hearing those words, or just imagining them. "You always have been, even if you didn't know it at the time. You know where you stand with me."

Greg nodded, unable to speak again. He simply squeezed Gil's hand, to let the other man know that he had received the message loud and clear. Gil wasn't a man given to expressing his emotions with words; Greg knew that it had cost him a lot to say that out loud.

"You'll always know where you stand with me," he murmured softly when he could speak again without fear of crying. "You've always been first in line with me, too. I just never had the guts to try to find out how you felt. Maybe if I had, then we wouldn't have wasted so much time."

"Don't blame yourself for that," Gil told him, shaking his head. "I should have said something to you a lot sooner, but I didn't think I should. For one, I didn't think you'd feel the same -- and for another ,we worked together. I made a mistake there, but I won't make it again."

"We could have worked something out, but that's in the past now," Greg murmured. "All I care about is that we're together now. We both made some mistakes, but we've got time to fix them. And now we both know exactly where we stand."

He broke off as the doctor entered the room, striding purposefully towards the bed. Gil stepped back, but not before he gave Greg a smile that melted the young man's heart. Yes, he knew exactly where he stood -- and he intended to occupy that place in Gil's heart for the rest of their lives.

***