TITLE: Hard Evidence
Part of the Denuo AU
AUTHOR: Macx
RATING: R
PAIRING: Nick/Grissom
ARCHIVE: yes
DISCLAIMER: CSI belongs to CBS, Alliance Atlantic, Jerry Bruckheimer, Anthony E. Zuiker and whoever else claims rights. We don't. Nu-uh! We just play with 'em.
The Denuo universe was created by Lara Bee and myself
Macx's Voice of Warning (aka Authors' Note): English is not our first language; it's German. This is the best we can do. Any mistakes you find in here, collect them and you might win a prize <g> The spell-checker said everything's okay, but  you know how trustworthy those thingies are....
 
 
 

He hated caves.

He hated underground bunkers.

He hated being under the earth, with just the darkness.

Nick shuddered and concentrated on the evidence he had gathered at their latest crime scene. It hadn't been a true cave, but it had been underground. An old sewer tunnel, filled with debris, rats and a body. Maintenance workers had discovered it, called it in, and Nick had worked it solo.

It had been a nightmare.

Old memories teased him with fragments of the horror he had gone through. It was over a year now, but the fear never really disappeared completely. He had fought those nightmares, he had done everything possible to deal with it, deal with the kidnapping and being trapped underground in a glass coffin for those long, agonizing hours. He had thought things were finally settling down, but they hadn't.

The case had slammed that reality back into his face.

Nick drew a deep breath, forcing his attention back on the evidence, but his hands were trembling and he couldn't really feel the plastic bag through the gloves.

No. Please no. Not in here. He had managed to keep it all hidden from everyone at work. Gil knew of course. He had been there for the primary nightmares, the crying and panic attacks after Nick had been freed. Greg knew. He was their ally and Nick had talked rather openly with the younger man. And then there was Ecklie, who had helped so much already. Their sessions in the desert had balanced Nick and he had believed the worst was over, but lately there had been hardly any time for private sessions and Nick hadn't really had the quietness in his mind to meditate. Sure, that was what meditation was for – to achieve that quiet and balance, but lately... yes, lately...

Nick swallowed and closed his eyes, willing his treacherous body to stop shaking, but it only got worse.

Underground.

Alone.

Greenish twilight.

The taunting voice on tape.

The gun.

The ants.

Panic. Total, raw panic.

Someone touched him and his mind was torn between fight and flight. There was a voice and it was gentle and warm and it reached somewhere where a frightened soul was whimpering in fear.

"Nick, it's okay," the voice whispered. "Calm down. Center yourself. You're not there. It's okay. You're safe. You're in the lab."

He listened to the voice, just like he had listened to it so many times before. He trusted this person without question and he knew he was safe. Something seemed to blanket his panicking mind and soothed it expertly, guiding it back from the abyss and toward the cocoon of safety.

Nick drew a deep breath and blinked his eyes open, wondering dazedly how he had ended up sitting on the floor. A strong hand was still wrapped around his wrist and when he looked up he met a pair of very intent eyes. There was a touch of something inhuman to them, a glow that wasn't as frightening as it should be. He had seen that light before and he knew it was a manifestation of rather strong magic.

"Nick?"

"Uh, hey," he murmured.

Embarrassment flushed through him and he smiled sheepishly. It was the embarrassment that he had been found like this, fighting off a panic attack, but he was also infinitely glad it had been a friend.

"Flashback?" Ecklie asked and sat back a little, giving Nick room without losing that grounding connection.

"Kinda. Scene got to me. Sorry."

The other man briefly shook his head. "It's okay, Nick. Don't apologize."

"How... I mean, why are you here?"

This was an evidence room and it was not right around the corner of Ecklie's office.

Now it was Ecklie's turn to look sheepish and he smiled apologetically. "I felt the explosion of panic from you."

"You are monitoring me?" Nick blurted.

The shaman released his wrist and got up in a smooth, fluid move. Nick still felt the warmth of the aura as it protected him, but the physical connection had been severed.

"I'm sorry."

Still weak-kneed, Nick got up, glad there was a wall behind him. "No, I'm... I think I'm glad. I mean... it's what you do," he stuttered.

Conrad Ecklie was a shaman and he had the instincts of one, which was to protect those he cared for. Shamans were watchers and guardians and Nick knew how intensely protective Ecklie was of him and Grissom. He had gone out of his way to make things easier for them, to keep their secret, and to keep up the charade that they weren't friends. It hurt sometimes to see the animosity in the eyes of other criminalists when it came to Ecklie, but it was better like this. It protected Ecklie and he protected them in turn.

"I think we should pick up the training again," Nick murmured. "I haven't had much success on my own." He sighed. "Especially after... you know... the canyon."

Where he had channeled Ecklie's shamanic power, had briefly become a shaman, only to latch onto Grissom's Phoenix abilities again. Nick was still rather shaken about it and he had shied away from trying to meditate with Conrad around. The shaman had told him it would be impossible to repeat the performance unless Ecklie wanted this to happen, but Nick was wary.

"You're afraid."

Nick bit his lip.

Ecklie smiled calmly. "You can't Mimick me by accident, Nick. Nandi told you, I told you."

"I know."

"But you don't believe it."

He shrugged. The nightmare was still shivering through him and he leaned more fully against  the wall.

"Nick, if you could just go around Mimicking other paranormals, it would have happened countless times already," Ecklie explained, approaching. "If you could just latch onto me, you would have done so countless times as well. You could have done it right now. You didn't. I'm safe, you're safe."

Nick silently chewed on that. Rationally he knew it was true, but his emotions were all over the place and the flashback hadn't helped.

"Go home. Your shift is almost over and you need to sleep."

The voice was firm, powerful, and before Nick could think about it, he had already taken several steps toward the door. He stopped and shot Ecklie a mild glare. It only got him a smile.

"Go."

"Grissom...?"

"Still out on a scene. Looks like a double. I'll tell him where you are."

Nick frowned a little. "Why are you here this time of the night?"

"I came in early."

It wasn't even six a.m. yet, but Nick just accepted the words.

"Need a ride?" Ecklie offered.

"No, I can drive. Thanks." And it would look suspicious if the AD of the crime lab drove home someone from Grissom's team.

He walked to the locker on automatic, changed out of his lab coat, then searched for his car keys. He pulled out of the garage ten minutes later, feeling shaky, but more alert than before.

* * *

Catherine Willows was a smart woman with sharp eyes and an even sharper mind. She wasn't omniscient and neither was she a genius. Suspects and victims had fooled her often enough. But she was observant and she had known Gil Grissom and Nick Stokes long enough by now. She had been with the crime lab when Nick had transferred from Texas. She had watched the younger man become a pretty damn good CSI. She had been witness to the developing friendship and finally a relationship between Grissom and Nick, and she knew how close those two men were. Catherine had never seen anything foul or abnormal in what both men shared, and she was happy for Gil. Nick meant a lot to the older man. Nick was sociable, Nick was open, Nick loved and embraced the world. Grissom had changed subtly ever since.

Catherine didn't know whether she had sisterly or motherly feelings when it came to Nick. Gil was her friend and there had always been this strange friendship between them, but Nick launched protective feelings in her, and she had found herself looking out for him even more ever since the kidnapping. Definitely motherly, she had finally decided.

It had been over a year now and Nick was dealing well with everything. Still, Catherine kept watch. And because she did, she discovered something else as well.
Conrad Ecklie.

The man had always been a jackass in her eyes, changing just a little when he had made Assistant Director. She had dealt with him as a supervisor, she had dealt with him as a criminalist, but she had never truly dealt with him as an observer. That had changed slowly.

Something kept poking her mind whenever she saw him interact with either Grissom or Nick. There had been so many things, subtle things, and by now they were coming together in a bucket full of evidence that she had yet to actually evaluate.

So when Catherine ran into the scene of Conrad Ecklie crouching next to a rather distressed looking Nick, she had to fight her first urge to rush toward her friend and see what was wrong. Several things stopped her.

First was the fact that Ecklie was in very early. Too early for a normal day. Second was the hold he had on Nick's wrist. Not confining, more like... grounding. And then there was his expression. It was intense, worried, and powerful. His eyes were like nothing she had ever seen. The whole man seemed to be different. His voice was smooth, calm, soothing, and when Nick finally looked up, the smile was nothing like Ecklie had ever given anyone.

Catherine had left before she might be discovered. This was a private moment.

How private?

Her mind was whirling.

Nick and Gil were an item. A strong, inseparable and tight item. She was sure they hadn't split up. And Ecklie with Nick? No way! The very thought made her skin crawl.

So what had happened in there?

Catherine watched as Nick left after a while, still looking shaken, walked to the locker room and then headed for the garage. Ecklie came out a minute after him, expression worried, then turned to his own office.

What the hell was going on here?

* * *

There was one thing Grissom had never done to her: outright told a lie. He might circumvent the truth or omit facts, but he had never lied.

Catherine counted on that when she cornered her friend two days later. She had needed those two days to get things into perspective and to analyze the evidence she had collected over the years. She was surprised to notice how long Ecklie had been behaving in a rather un-Ecklie-like fashion.

He had their backs.

He took on the press, the mayor and the undersheriff for them.

He took the heat meant for either of them and protected them as long as he could.

Sure, he was still demanding and he still looked out for the lab as such, but he was no longer who she had always believed him to be.

Then there was his changing relationship with Grissom. Both men talked civilly with each other. They had actually arrived at crime scenes together. Ecklie had gone out of his way to make the million dollar demand from Nick's kidnapper happen. Catherine had heard the buzz around the lab when Ecklie had addressed them, laying out the facts, asking for cooperation and understanding.

"Grissom?" she asked, voice clipped as she entered his office.

He looked up, glancing at her from over the rims of his glasses. "Catherine," he greeted her.

"We need to talk." She shut the door.

Grissom's brows rose. Catherine drew in a deep breath, then steeled herself.

"When did you and Ecklie become friends, Gil? When the heck did Nick become his friend?"

There was a long moment of silence, then Grissom closed the folder he had been reading. His expression was neutral, but the eyes were serious and sharp.

"Conrad and I have found an understanding, Catherine."

"I noticed. I also noticed that this is more than tolerance on either side's part. Hell, Gil, I've been ignoring the signs, but that has become rather difficult. Why are you hiding that you and Ecklie are getting along now? I think it's actually great!"

Grissom's brows rose a little. "You do?"

"You could do with a little political common sense."

"This isn't a power play."

"And I hope it's not something else either."

He frowned and Catherine sighed, shaking her head.

"Gil, two days ago Nick had a panic attack in the evidence room. I looked at what case he was handling. Underground crime sight. I bet he freaked. Too close for comfort, right?"

Grissom just nodded wordlessly.

"Ecklie was there. He was there with Nick and he touched him, Gil. If that had been you, I wouldn't think twice, but Conrad Ecklie is not that kind of friend."

"No, he isn't. Whatever you think you saw, it's not like this. He has been... supportive."

Catherine frowned. She finally took a seat in the visitor chair and shot her friend a challenging look. Grissom returned it calmly.

"Since when, Grissom?" she asked.

"Ecklie has been a friend since before he left for his year in San Francisco."

Catherine was speechless. She could confess to that easily. She hadn't figured it to be this long, but so much made sense now. So many little things she had never noticed.

"He split up the team," she blurted.

"Yes." Grissom nodded. "At my request."

"What?!"

He raised a hand, staving off her outcry. "Catherine, it was our idea. Ecklie couldn't protect us against accusations from lab personnel or co-workers if we were still on the same team. A supervisor sleeping with a team member... favors through sex...?"

"Who?" she breathed, but she knew the answer already. "Oh damn. Sara?"

Grissom didn't have to say anything. His expression was enough.

"They Lead CSI position?"

A nod.

Catherine was too shocked to reply for a while. Sara had actually tried to play that card? How low could someone sink to do that? And she trusted Sara as a friend and a criminalist! But the other woman had always been infatuated with Grissom and that Nick had what she hadn't been able to get...

"So you staged all of this?"

"Not all. Things played in our favor. Ecklie just needed to wait for the right moment. It happened and we went with it."

"He also put the team back together again."

There was pain in the blue eyes, memories of those terrifying hours looking for Nick, hoping for a happy end.

"I needed him back, Catherine," Grissom said softly. "Conrad reminded me of the danger, but I overruled his concerns. I needed this and I'm sorry it cost you your own team."

She smiled softly, shaking her head. "No, don't be. It was great – for a while." At his quizzical tilt of the head she added, "You always took the heat, Gil. I was your right, and your left, hand, but you had to face the brass and you were responsible in the end. I never appreciated that. It's lonely at the top."

Grissom smiled. "It is."

"Why did you keep up the charade?" Willows wanted to know.

"Things are easier this way."

"Arguing while agreeing?"

"Yes."

Catherine laughed wryly. "Only you would call that easy. You are friends, Gil. It wouldn't hurt the lab that people here knew that Conrad Ecklie isn't an ass and that the supervisor of the graveyard shift is no longer his mortal enemy."

"We never were enemies, Catherine," he chastised.

"Oh yes, you were. You bit at each other whenever possible. You enjoyed riling him up, he enjoyed sticking it to you." Catherine smiled.

"Maybe." Grissom folded his hands on the file. "This works, Catherine."

"But it takes more effort than just being friends."

It got her a shrug.

"And it wouldn't start the rumor mill if someone sees Ecklie being friendly with Nick. If this hadn't been me, those rumor would be really flying."

"I realize that and I'm grateful it was you."

"Is Nick okay?" Catherine switched the topic.

"Yes. It was a bad moment, but he's fine."

That was enough for her. Grissom would always look out for his partner and she didn't have to worry. Right now, she needed to digest the news and rearrange her world view when it came to Ecklie.

"Thanks for telling me, Gil," she said after a while.

"All you had to do is ask," Grissom replied with an almost angelic smile.

Catherine chuckled. "Right. As if I would ever think to ask that particular question! Are you and Conrad Ecklie friends."

Now it all made sense. Now it was all so clear. Catherine had to shake he head at her own blindness as she walked back to her own office, the one she time-shared with the dayshift supervisor.

All the had to do now was adjust to that new reality.

Hey, she was a woman. She could easily do that.

* * *

They were back in the desert again, the cool night air touching Nick's skin, and he sat on the blanket trying to relax.

"Don't force it, Nick," Ecklie said calmly.

But he was. They had had these training sessions for so long now, and one event had thrown him back to square one.

"You can't hurt anyone," Conrad continued, voice so smooth and soothing. "Let go, find your center, balance yourself."

Shamanic energy caressed his senses and he winced away, a protest on his lips.

"It's okay, Nick. We did this countless times before. Nothing will happen."

Nick drew a shuddering breath, expelled it, then tried to sink into that calmness. Ecklie didn't pull away his aura and the young Mimic was acutely aware of it. For a moment he thought he saw it clearly, outlined against the darkness around him, and he shied away once more, only to be caught securely.

"Nothing will happen," the shaman murmured. "Let go."

"I can sense you," he protested weakly.

"Because the Mimic knows me. You can't Mimick me, though. I can block you easily, Nick."

"Then do it!" he blurted, eyes snapping open.

Nick stared at the other man, feeling terrified of his own, passive powers. They had been activated twice now and every time he had come away rattled and off-kilter. Ecklie tilted his head, a quizzical expression on his narrow features.

"You want me to block you?"

"Yes! Just... prove it to me, Conrad, please!"

The shaman frowned. He clearly didn't like this.

"You say you can push me away if I get to close, so do it!" Nick repeated forcefully. "I can't relax. I can't let go, knowing that I Mimicked you the last time, ending up on the spirit plane... I can feel your magic, Conrad!" he cried. "It's not normal!"

"You can feel it because you Mimicked it," was the reasonable explanation. "You're aware of it because you know it."

"Block me then!"

"I can't help you if I do."

"Just... once, please?"

Ecklie looked rather uncomfortable. "It might hurt you."

"You won't," Nick told him with confidence. "Please?"

A long moment passed, then a sigh announced the shaman's defeat. Ecklie gave in with a brief nod. Relief spread through Nick and he closed his eyes once more, sliding almost easily into the first phase of meditation. Again he felt his senses expand as if they were drawn to the familiar power of the shaman. Again he felt the other presence, the warm aura, only to be suddenly flung back. It was like a blow to the chest, winding him briefly, but not breaking any bones. He gasped, reeling, and he opened his eyes to the sight of a worried Conrad Ecklie looking at him.

"Nick?"

"You... wow."

"How do you feel? Headache? Nausea?"

"Uh, no. I'm... fine..."

Ecklie sat back, scowling. "You happy now?" he demanded.

Nick had to smile at that. "Actually, yeah."

The scowl deepened. "Will you trust me now?"

"I always trusted you, Conrad."

"Not enough it seems."

"I did! It's just... being this... being a Mimic... no one knows what I can do," Nick tried to explain. "I only ever Mimicked Gil and that was... passive. Then they forced me to become a Sidhe and that was... bad. And with you, I actually became active. It scared me shitless and still does!"

Ecklie regarded him for a long time, then relaxed a little more. "Nothing can change what you are, Nick. Nothing can change the fact that no one knows more than tidbits about what this means. You're learning by doing, so to speak, and some of it is trial and error. Sometimes painful."

He rested his arms on his drawn-up knees as he leaned against the rock behind him. Nick sat cross-legged on the blanket, chewing on that.

"I hate to be... special."

"But you are. To many people for different reasons. Most importantly to Grissom. Everything else... go with the flow."

"Okay." He nodded slowly. "I think I can do that."

Ecklie smiled softly. "Yes, you can. Now that we settled this once and for all, how about you go home and get some rest?"

"What about this?" Nick swept an arm to encompass their little spot in the desert.

"We're through for tonight, Nick. We'll continue if you want to, but you know you are able to go through the motions alone, too."

Nick climbed to his feet and dusted off his pants, Ecklie following his example. They gathered their things and walked back to the cars.

"Conrad?" Nick said quietly as they arrived at their vehicles.

"Hm?"

"Thanks. For everything. I mean, you didn't have to do this." Nick stumbled to a halt. "It's just... you did so much already. Thanks, man."

Ecklie smiled. "You're welcome," he only said and got into the car.

Nick pulled out after him, back onto the road and heading toward Las Vegas. He felt lighter, more relieved, and it was good to know for real that the shaman wasn't easy prey to his abilities, scattered as they were.

* * *

Grissom had given his lover two days of space. Two days of watching Nick carefully, but not cornering him on whatever was going through his head. He had been there all the way when the nightmares had come and gone a year ago, and he was always there for the flashbacks and memories. Things had gotten better with Ecklie's help, so Grissom trusted in Nick to turn to him should he need his support.

The panic attack on Nick's last crime scene had not been unexpected, considering the setting of it all. Grissom just mentally berated himself for not thinking about who he gave what case. Everyone had an Achilles' heal. Sara got out of hand when it came to battered women, for example. Catherine had a problem with cases that involved dead children. They all had their problematic areas and Grissom tried to accommodate them, but here he had truly messed up.

When Nick came to him on the third day, he sensed a change in the other man. Nick had spent most of the last forty-eight hours at work or somewhere alone, thinking or doing whatever, and they hadn't shared more than mattress space. Now Grissom had his lover in his arms, felt the warm, heavy weight of Nick against his side, and he ran a gentle hand over the dark head.

"Thanks," Nick murmured, not looking at him. "For not asking," he added as if to explain.

"I trust you to come to me if you need me, Nicky."

"I do now."

Nick pushed himself up and kissed him, and Grissom answered the kiss tenderly.

"Guess you know what happened."

Grissom nodded and watched emotions shift in the so very expressive eyes. "I'm sorry. I should have considered the case," he apologized.

Nick shook his head. "No. I can do my job, Gil. It wasn't too bad until I got back to the lab. Then..." He sighed. "I lost it. I thought I had a handle on the whole mess, but I lost it again. Conrad was there and we talked, and... we went out into the desert yesterday."

Nick hadn't said anything about it until now. Grissom had suspected something like it, but neither Ecklie nor Nick had lost a word about it prior to the desert training.

"I was afraid, Gil. Afraid of what could happen again if I... touched him. The Mimic... it scared me what I did in the canyon. Nandi and Conrad told me it's impossible for me to Mimick them if they don't want to, but..."

"You needed evidence," Grissom said softly.

It got him a weak laugh. "Yeah."

"You have it now?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

Nick settled back into his embrace and for a long time, there was nothing but their soft breaths, caresses over still clothed bodies, and the quiet enjoyment of being together.

"Catherine approached me," Grissom said after a while.

"About?"

"She saw you and Conrad. After you flashed back."

Nick tensed minutely. "And?"

"She put two and two together." There was amusement in Grissom's voice. "She also came up with the correct number, but only because she knows we haven't broken up."

Nick pushed himself up again, staring at his lover in disbelief. "What?!"

Grissom smirked. "Like I said, she drew the correct conclusions. She asked me since when we haven been friends with Ecklie and why we keep up the charade."

"You told her?"

"I won't lie to Catherine."

Nick nodded. "Okay. What did she say?"

"I think she needs to digest it first. But Catherine mentioned it's a good thing."

"Good."

Nick slid a hand underneath the dark polo shirt and caressed the skin he found there.

"You gonna tell Ecklie?"

Mirth danced in the blue eyes as Grissom met Nick's quizzical expression. "I think we should give Catherine a while to adjust first."

Nick chuckled. "He's gonna have you ass, man."

"Others have laid claim to that already."

Nick leaned forward and kissed him. "Damn right."

No more words were lost concerning the latest developments and Nick didn't mind. He also didn't mind ending up naked on the mattress, Grissom's hands and lips, teeth and tongue teasing and caressing him. He moaned softly when a particularly sensitive spot was hit, and he eagerly opened up to the inquisitive fingers that prepared him for the much deeper, more fulfilling penetration.

They lay together in the afterglow, Nick feeling lazy and spent, and the fingers drawing random patterns on his hot skin were calming, reassuring, and quite nice. Nick dozed off, feeling safe and warm.