Title: If I Ever Lose My Faith in You
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Steve McGarrett
Fandom: CSI: Vegas/Hawaii Five-0
Rating: PG-13
Table: Un-themed 4, mission_insane
Prompt: 5, Faith
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Steve McGarrett, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Steve stretched his long, lean body on the chaise longue on the front veranda of his house, gazing out at the sea as the waves rolled in. He needed this break, and so did Greg; they'd both been through a lot lately, and he wanted his boyfriend to be able to relax.

He himself was used to dealing with bad situations, but he didn't think that Greg had ever been through the kind of harrowing experience he'd had to cope with. Greg needed this time alone, to relax and recuperate, even if it was only for a few days.

So far, Greg seemed to be holding up all right, but Steve couldn't help worrying about him. He was more clingy than usual, especially when they were in bed -- and when he was out at a crime scene with the 5-0 team, he kept closer to Steve than he usually did.

Steve didn't think that Greg would lose his ability to go out with the team to crime scenes -- after all, that was his job, and Greg wasn't going to let a personal problem get in the way of his work. He was too conscientious to do that, no matter how hard it might be for him.

As for the clinginess .... well, he was going to have to talk with Greg about that, Steve told himself. It wasn't that he didn't like the fact that his boyfriend seemed to hold on to him more tightly now, but he didn't want Greg to feel dependent on him.

He would be there for Greg any time he was needed, no matter what happened. That wasn't in question at all. But he didn't want Greg to become timid, or to feel that he had to cling to him. He didn't want one bad experience to change the way his boyfriend looked at life.

"There you are," Greg said as he opened the door that led into the foyer and stepped out onto the front porch. "I thought you might have gone for a walk on the beach or something," he said as he closed the door and dropped into the deck chair next to Steve's.

"Nope, I was just sitting here thinking about how much we both needed a vacation after everything that's happened lately," Steve murmured, unsure of how to bring up what he wanted to talk about. He didn't want Greg to think that he was being too overprotective.

"I don't need a vacation." Greg shook his head, a stubborn look settling over his features. "I'm okay, Steve. I had a few days when I was still freaking out a little, but honestly, I'm fine now. Maybe a few nightmares might pop up once in a while, but I think that's understandable."

Steve nodded, unsure of exactly what he wanted to say, then deciding to grab the bull by the proverbial horns. "Do you realize that you've been sticking kind of close to me lately, like you're afraid to let me go when we're out in public or at a crime scene?" he asked, his voice soft.

Greg looked surprised, then thoughtful. "I .... hadn't realized I was doing that," he finally said, his voice even softer than Steve's. "Maybe everything that happened affected me more than I thought it did. I don't mean to be a thorn in your side when we're working, Steve."

"You're not!" Steve was surprised at how adamant he sounded. He reached out to take Greg's hand, twisting slightly to look over at his boyfriend. "I understand that you'd be a little apprehensive. But I hope it's not going to turn into a problem, babe. You don't need to deal with that."

Greg looked as though he was thinking hard for a few minutes, then he shook his head slowly. "No, it's not going to be a problem," he said softly, his gaze meeting Steve's. "I've got a lot of faith in you, Steve. That's the only reason I've been a little clingy lately."

"I hope you don't ever lose that faith in me," Steve told him, squeezing Greg's hand gently. "But you can't keep holding on to me, Greg. I'm not going to just fade away. I'm not going to leave you, and nobody's going to take me away from you. I promise you that."

"I guess that's kind of how I've been thinking," Greg said with a sigh, looking down at their clasped hands. "I've learned the hard way that the most perfect happiness can disappear in a heartbeat. I guess I"m just scared of losing you. Or worse, of losing my faith in you."

"I don't want that to happen," Steve said, tightening his clasp on his lover's hand for a few moments before reluctantly letting go. "But I'm not perfect, Greg. You can't look to me like I have a solution for every problem. At some point, your faith in me might slip a little bit."

"If I ever lose my faith in you, then I wouldn't have anything to hold on to," Greg said quietly, his gaze still on their clasped hands. "I have to believe in you, Steve. If I didn't, then I wouldn't have anything to believe in. I don't think you're perfect, but I need to have that faith in you."

Steve nodded, realizing that he was taking on a lot to let Greg maintain that sort of faith in him. But he couldn't help wondering if almost everyone in his life didn't look at him in the same way, if everyone that he worked with didn't have that same sort of faith in his abilities.

His team looked to him for leadership, just as the Navy Seals he'd worked with had. They looked up to him; they expected him to plunge heading into whatever situation they were dealing with, to lead the way when they felt hesitant, to give them strength and buoy them up.

He couldn't help but feel that he was good at that. He had always been able to bear up under the weight of that kind of faith; it was part of his job, part of what he'd been trained to do. But this, somehow, was different. It wasn't the same kind of faith that his team had in him.

Greg's faith in him wasn't just the faith of someone who looked up to him and had certain expectations of him as a leader, it was the faith of a lover. Greg had the pure faith of love, the kind of love that Steve had thought he would never find in his life.

Being with Greg made him feel like the luckiest man in the world, and he wanted to keep feeling this way. But he didn't want his boyfriend to become dependent on him; he would always be here for Greg, but they each also needed to have their own personal space.

"I don't think I'll ever lose that faith, so there's nothing to worry about," Greg told him, his voice very soft and husky. "I don't expect you to be perfect, Steve. I know you're only human. But we've all got to have faith in something. I choose to put my faith in the person I love."

Steve thought that he could literally feel his heart swell in his chest at his boyfriend's words. What had he done to deserve a faith like this? He didn't know, but it meant everything in the world to him. Nothing could ever replace that kind of faith, or make him feel as loved and cherished.

The kind of faith that Greg had in him wasn't dependency; it was the faith of love, the faith of someone who held their lover in the highest esteem. It was a faith that he never wanted to lose, a faith that he hoped the could manage to live up to every day of his life.

"If I ever lose my faith in you, then I'd be completely lost," Greg said, his voice still soft, but his words strong and firm. "I'm not going to lose that faith, Steve. It's always going to be strong -- that faith in you, and in us, and what we have. That's never going to go away."

"I'll never lose my faith in you, either," Steve whispered, moved by Greg's words. "Sometimes it might not seem like I have a lot of faith in anybody but myself, but I do. I have faith that you'll always be there, and that what we have will last for all our lives."

"So do I," Greg whispered, leaning towards the chaise longue. Steve got to his feet before Greg could overturn the deck chair, pulling his boyfriend into his arms for a kiss. No, he would never lose faith in this, he told himself firmly. This was real. This was forever. And it would always be here.

***