Title: Look At Us Now
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Don Flack
Fandom: CSI: Vegas/CSI: NY
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Don Flack, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***"It's pretty amazing that neither of us has ever been in a serious relationship before," Greg mused, looking at Don across the table. "I mean, when you look at us now."
Don nodded, almost gulping at the softly spoken words.
It felt as though Greg was giving him a chance to bring up the subject he'd been dancing around -- namely, the fact that they couldn't stay together, that he wanted Greg to leave New York for his own safety.
It was so hard to say those words, though. And, selfishly, he wanted to hold on to Greg, to treasure what they shared, for as long as he could.
But their time was coming to an end, and Don knew it. He didn't want them to go through another close call like the one they'd had before; he didn't think he could bear knowing that Greg's life was in danger yet again because of him.
If anything happened to Greg because of their relationship, then he would never forgive himself. He didn't want to live with that kind of stress.
"I know you weren't the first, but it feels like you were," Greg continued, his voice very soft so that only Don could hear him and his voice wouldn't reach to the other diners around them. "Because nobody else has ever had my heart."
Don couldn't hold back a smile when he heard that.
"You're the only person who's ever had my heart, too," he said softly, reaching out to place his hand over Greg's. "The only one."
"I bet you never thought you'd be saying that the first night we went home together," Greg told him, those dark eyes locking with Don's and not looking away. "Who'd have thought that we would end up falling in love?"
I would have, Don said silently. He'd known from the first that he could love this young man. He'd had no doubt in his mind about it.
It would have been impossible for him not to love Greg.
Even after they parted, he would never regret the time that they'd spent together. He would never let himself regret loving this man.
Greg had brought so much into his life, so much that he would miss terribly once they had ended it. That was why he was being so recalcitrant about telling Greg that they had to part. He didn't want them to say goodbye.
But they had to, Don reminded himself. It would be painful, but it was for the best. It was for Greg's safety, and for him to have a better life.
A life that didn't include him. A life that was far away from him.
Don knew that he could never give Greg the security that the young man deserved. He would always live a life that was on the edge of danger.
It was what a cop accepted when he decided to wear the badge. And he wanted more than that for Greg. He wanted Greg to have the security of knowing that his lover would come home to him every night and always be there for him.
Greg couldn't have that kind of security with him, as much as he hated to admit it. And this seemed like the perfect opening to tell him that.
He opened his mouth to say the words -- but they wouldn't come out.
It just didn't feel like the right time to say them. Dimly, Don wondered if it ever would be the right time, or if he would keep on putting it off.
He couldn't do that forever, and he knew it. But he could take a little more time -- maybe another week or so -- before he and Greg would have to sit down for a serious talk, and he would have to say the words he dreaded.
How would Greg take it? Would it destroy not only their romantic relationship, but their friendship as well? He hoped not.
They were friends, as well as lovers.
It was going to be so hard to end this relationship, and not just because Greg had won his heart. It would be hard to let go of someone who was his friend, someone who could understand him and who returned his love.
But he had no choice. He had to do this, for himself as well as for Greg. He had to know that he had done what was best in the long run.
"When we first met, I don't think either one of us really believed that we'd find somebody to love us," Greg said softly, reaching out to take Don's hand and twine their fingers together. "And look at us now. Like an old married couple."
Don had to force the smile to his lips; he hoped that it didn't look as artificial as it felt. It was hard to smile when he felt that his heart was breaking.
"Like an old married couple," he agreed, his voice barely a whisper. He had to resist the urge to cling to Greg's hand like a lifeline; that would surely make his young lover wonder what was wrong, and start asking questions.
Questions that he wasn't prepared to answer at the moment.
Whenever Greg asked those questions, when he wanted to know what was on his mind, Don knew that he'd have to tell him. There would be no sense in holding back then, and it would be the beginning of the end for them.
All he could do was hope that their friendship would come through it intact, and that even though he would lose a lover, he wouldn't be losing a friend as well.
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