Title: Loss
Author: Fallon Ash
Pairing: Alexx/Calleigh UST/Friendship
Rating: PG
Note: Wow, that was quicker than I thought. It feels a little rushed, though, I'll look it over later. It's disturbingly sweet, very angsty, highly un-beated, and I suppose they're quite out of character, and whatnot... oh well... it's a Freaks and Tweaks post-ep, Alexx/Calleigh UST/Friendship, and no, there won't be a sequel.

***

Alexx leans forward, supports herself on the shiny autopsy table. The slender arms are shaking, and she's choking back the sobs, refusing to give in to them, knowing they'll never stop if she does. But it doesn't stop the tears from escaping from her eyes, drawing lines on her cheeks before splattering against the table. Now she'll have to clean it again. Angrily she wipes her cloth back and forth, spraying more soap on it, over and over. Before she knows it she's sobbing, scrubbing harder, her vision blurred. She can't believe it. Dennis is dead. Because of Julie. She's known Julie her entire life. She thought they'd shared everything. And Dennis. Julie was so proud when she brought him by the first time, she was 22, he was 26. They were so much in love. Alexx had believed that they still were. And Dennis had been by just a few days ago, taken the kids out for ice-cream, and when he'd returned them he hadn't wanted to stay for dinner, because Julie would be home early and he was looking forward to spending the evening with her. Alexx had kissed his cheek and said 'take care'.

Two sprays with the bottle, three long strokes with the cloth, two sprays, three strokes.

She sees this every day, death in the worst of ways, and by people they'd loved trusted. Family coming in and finding things out about their loved ones that didn't even exist within their frame of reference. And yet here she is, so utterly unprepared when it happens to herself. So at a loss. So disappointed; in Julie, in herself, in the world in general.

Spray, stroke, spray, stroke.

The movement is suddenly interrupted by a pale hand around her wrist, a warm presence at her side, soft fingers wiping at the tears. She turns, meets Calleigh's pale green eyes almost at the same level as her own brown, full of sympathy and anguish for a for a friend, and Alexx crumbles.

Calleigh catches her, wraps her arms around her, holds the shaking body close as Alexx sobs harder into her shoulder. Coos in the back of her throat and kisses her temple. Alexx eventually calms down, but they stand there for a long time, Calleigh's petite frame surprisingly steady.

Finally Calleigh loosens her grip, guides Alexx through the motions of closing down the autopsy bay, and they eventually end up in the break room, everyone else gone for the night. Alexx is quiet, and Calleigh's sitting next to her, a timid hand on her shoulder. Now that the grief is less immediate, she seems more at a loss.

"I'm all right, you know." Alexx finally breaks the silence.

Calleigh hesitantly removes her hand. "You sure?"

And Alexx's eyes tear up again, because of course she isn't, won't be for some time. But she should get on home, home to her family, and the thought flashes through her mind before she can stop it. They were similar to us in every way, what if it happen to us... And she turns toward Calleigh, her mouth moving soundlessly, and Calleigh's immediately there, her arms strong around Alexx's shoulders, her body warm and solid and comforting. Alexx eyes are closed and she lets herself feel surrounded by Calleigh, letting Calleigh be there for her. Calleigh should be just a co-worker, but somewhere they must have crossed the lines into friendship, because she feels safe here, feels cared about. Calleigh's long hair is tickling her face, and her shirt smells of just a hint of lavender underneath the mix of gunpowder and anti-bacterial soaps. Calleigh's hand is trailing up and down her back, and then she hears a suspicious sniffle that causes her to pull back.

Sure enough, Calleigh's eyes are red, but she's smiling at Alexx now, catching her face in her small hands, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"I..." she hesitates. "I just... if there's anything... let me know, and I'll be there for you."

Alexx nods, not quite trusting her voice. Calleigh leans forward, kisses her forehead, her cheek, and, carefully, carefully, her lips, pouring every ounce of comfort and caring into it she can muster, before she pulls back, releasing Alexx.

Alexx blinks a few times, before she meets Calleigh's eyes and reaches out to squeeze Calleigh's hand. "Thank you." And then she gets up, starts to gather her things.

"You sure you'll be ok to drive?"

Alexx ponders this for a moment. "Yeah." She nods a strong affirmative.

"Ok, then. You take care..."

Alexx smiles and leaves her there, needing solitude now that's she's had comfort.

Calleigh stays on the couch, kicked off her shoes, curled up and wrapped her arms around her knees, with the memory of having tasted something she can never have and a strong feeling of dissonance that she can't place. She has no idea what to do next.

***