Title: Loved
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Nick Stokes
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Mentions of rape.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Nick Stokes, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Nick awakened with a start, realizing as soon as his eyes opened that he was alone in bed. Where was Greg? Somehow, he didn't think that his boyfriend had just gotten up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. He wouldn't have been that stealthy.

As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could see the silhouette of Greg's slim body standing in front of their bedroom window; he had pulled back the curtains slightly, but not enough for the neighbors to be able to see a naked man standing there if they should look.

That was a good thing, Nick told himself as he sat up. He didn't care who knew that Greg was now living here -- but he didn't want the neighbors to get an eyeful of his gorgeous boyfriend when Greg was naked. That was a sight he wanted to reserve exclusively for his eyes only.

Why was he standing there? Nick asked himself, his brow furrowing. After the first time they had made love just two nights ago, he'd thought that their physical relationship was getting better. All inhibition had fallen away from Greg; he was more like his old self now.

But there had still been an underlying melancholy, and Nick had noticed it. He had told himself that he still needed to be patient; Greg was coping with a lot of trauma, both physical and emotional, and he couldn't expect that making love one time would make it vanish.

Whatever might be bothering Greg now, he had to try to soothe and comfort his boyfriend. He hoped that Greg wasn't having any qualms about the fact that they'd made love; he hadn't seemed to have any kind of a problem with it, but Nick wanted to make sure.

Quietly pushing the covers back, he swung his long legs out of bed, glad that he had worn boxers tonight. He didn't think that Greg would react well to the presence of a naked man behind him, not after all that Shane had done to him when they were together.

Slowly, he approached the young man standing in front of the window, sliding his arms around Greg's slim waist and resting his chin on his boyfriend's shoulder. Greg didn't jump or pull away from him; with a soft sigh, he leaned back against Nick, closing his eyes.

"What's the matter, baby?" Nick whispered, wishing with all of his heart that there was some way he could take away all the pain and fear that Greg had suffered through over the past year .He wanted to use a magic wand to wave it all away, render it nonexistent and start fresh.

But as he well knew, that wasn't possible. Greg would have to fight his own demons -- but that didn't mean that he couldn't be there to help his boyfriend with that every step of the way. He might not be able to fight the battles, but he could be there on the sidelines to cheer Greg along.

Greg didn't speak for several long moments; he simply stood there, looking out the back yard, illuminated by the bright moonlight overhead. It was a peaceful place; there was a gazebo under a tree, and Nick had planted flowers around the gazebo and the back steps.

"What's wrong with me, Nicky?" Greg finally asked, his voice barely a whisper. "Why hasn't anybody ever loved me until I was with you? What's wrong with me that people just want to use me for what they can get, and then throw me away like I'm worthless?"

Those words brought a lump to Nick's throat and tears to his eyes; he hadn't seen Greg in that light, not since they'd first met. He had always thought that this beautiful young man was a treasure, someone who should be loved and cherished by the person lucky enough to have him.

Now, he was that person. The thought that Greg could feel, even for one fraction of a second, that he might be anything like Shane, or any other people who had hurt him in some way in the past, broke Nick's heart. He had to let Greg know that he would never be like that.

"Baby, don't think like that," he said softly, closing his eyes as he searched for what he hoped were the right words to say. "Greg, the people in your past weren't worth being with. It's not your fault that they sought you out. You didn't do anything wrong."

"There must have been something about me that made them back off, or treat me the way they did," Greg insisted, not turning his head to look at Nick. The moonlight illuminated his face enough for Nick to see the silvery tracks of the tears that had been streaking down hsi cheeks.

"There's nothing wrong with you, sweetheart," he whispered, raising a hand to stroke Greg's hair. "There was something wrong with them. They were users, and they didn't deserve you. You're the good person here, Greg. None of them deserved you."

"Sometimes I wonder if this is just a dream," Greg murmured, laying his hands on top of Nick's where they rested at his waist. "That I'll wake up in bed next to Shane, and being here with you will just fade away to nothing and I'll know that I'm still living in a nightmare."

"It's not a dream, babe," Nick told him, hugging Greg closer to the warmth of his body. "You're with me, and you always will be. I don't care what anybody else has to say about it -- you're right where you belong. I love you, Greg. I always have. Nothing's ever going to change that."

Greg nodded, swallowing hard as he leaned back against Nick. Within a few moments, he was turning in Nick's arms to face the older man, his dark eyes searching Nick's face, as though he needed to see his lover's expression to assure himself ot the truth of those words.

"If I didn't have you, I'd probably be dead," Greg whispered as he rested his head against Nick's shoulder. "Shane would have killed me by now. Either that, or he'd have dumped me because of the scars, and I'd be back at square one. Wanting you and not knowing how to say it."

"No, you wouldn't be," Nick said, his voice firm and decisive. "You'd be with me, Greg. If he had dumped you, then I'd have made a move. I wish it had happened that way, instead of how it turned out. But as long as we're together, then we'll move forward from here."

Greg nodded, his thin arms sliding around Nick's waist, clinging tightly to him. "Don't let me go, Nicky," he whispered, his voice catching on a sob. "If I d-didn't have you in my life, I-I'd be lost. I'm scared of losing you. I'm scared y-you'll get tired of me. That I w-won't be enough for you."

"Never," Nick whispered, closing his eyes as tears rose behind them. "Never, Greg. Don't you know how much you're loved? I'll never get tired of you. And I'll never let you go, baby. You're home, Greg. You're safe with me. You always have been, and you always will be."

"I love you, too," Greg told him, his voice subdued. Nick tightened his arms around the young man, content to just stand there and hold Greg; he didn't know why, but he felt that they had somehow averted what could have been a major catastrophe.

It took him a few minutes to realize that Greg was crying softly; he could feel the hot tears on his skin, and his heart seemed to sink to his knees. Why was Greg crying? What was wrong? Obviously, telling him how much he was loved hadn't had the effect that Nick had hoped it would.

"Baby, why are you crying?" he asked, feeling a trickle of alarm move down his spine. He hadn't thought that Greg was unhappy, but maybe he was. Maybe he felt that it was too soon for him to be involved with anybody else. Maybe he needed more personal space.

A few tears trickled down his own cheeks at the thought; maybe he had been wrong in bringing Greg here and in trying to be this close to him so quickly. He had moved too fast -- and that might be making Greg back away. He might have pushed Greg away, instead of bringing them closer.

"I'm sorry," Greg gulped, raising his head to look at Nick. "It's just that I-I love you so much, and I'm so scared that I'll do something to make you not want to be with me any more." He buried his face against Nick's broad shoulder again, his slender body shaking in his lover's arms.

"Never, Greggo," Nick whispered, moving one hand comfortingly up and down Greg's back. "I'll never let you go. I've waited for you for too long, baby." He swallowed hard before he spoke again, his words a mere whisper of sound. "You are loved, Greg. Don't ever forget that."

"Sometimes it's hard to focus on the future with you, instead of on the past," Greg murmured, raising a hand to wipe his tears away. "But I'll try, Nicky. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to break down on you like this. I guess I was just feeling kind of low."

"No need for that, baby," Nick told him, ruffling Greg's hair affectionately. "Come back to bed and let me hold you. We don't have to do anything. I just want to be close to you and kiss you. And show you just how much you're loved. I think you need to know that."

"I do know it," Greg whispered, giving Nick a tremulous smile. "I just let myself forget it for a little while. I love you too, Nicky." His voice was quiet, but it was strong and steady. The shakiness was gone; Nick didn't think he would hear that uncertainty in Greg's tone again.

Nick smiled as he led his young lover back to their bed; he had every intention of showing Greg just how much he was loved. There were ways for him to get that point across without them being overtly sexual -- and this was the night to put every one of those ways into practice.

***