Title: Escape into the Music
By: mickeylover303
Pairing: None
Rating: PG
Words: 2132
Summary: And sometimes you only need to be yourself.

He already knocked back his third beer by the time he got the courage to finally leave the comfort of the bar; seemingly the only stable area in the building. He nodded to the bartender, putting his bottle on the wooden surface before removing himself from the small warmed cushion covering the metal stool.
 
It was supposed to be fun – a week away from the stress of college – to stay in scenery vastly different from Texas. He didn’t want to go, but his friends managed to persuade him with the prospect of girls, sex, and the occasional glimpse of the beach and the sun. And he almost regretted that he fell for the ideal of what California represented instead of just spending Spring Break back in Houston like they initially planned.
 
“Come on, Stokes,” one of his friends said, pulling on his arm none too gently.
 
“It’s not even that bad, Nick,” another friend told him, trying to coerce him with a challenging grin that dared him to refuse.
 
And of course Nick accepted the taunt and let himself be dragged into a scene that made him feel out of place and outlandish in the worst way possible. Wearing a light blue t-shirt and some jeans, he’d never been more self-conscious in his life. Even having sex for the first time with Mary Sizemore didn’t compare to that first step into the club and how distant he felt from the multiple bodies pressing against him. A kind of closeness and intensity he wasn’t too familiar with; giving him a feeling of seclusion that made it hard for Nick to breathe.
 
It was like a culture shock and one that left Nick walking to the bar as soon as he saw it; more than simply clinging to it like a crutch until his friends gave up on trying to pry him away and eventually faded away somewhere on the dance floor.
 
An hour later and Nick was still seated, elbows resting on the scratched surface of the counter and the balls of his feet firmly planted on the metal spokes of the stool. More than half the hour was spent listening to the bartender complaining about everything and nothing. He was almost tempted to leave when James began to talk about his ex-girlfriend; intermittently serving drinks and somehow managing to keep a one-sided conversation with Nick…especially when he heard something about drugs, sex, and sewage.
 
But despite the atmosphere and the questionable company, Nick couldn’t find it in him to actually leave; even when he had the key to the room and knew the hotel was only a couple of blocks away. Though, maybe it was the novelty of the entire experience that kept him drawn to music that was almost a cacophony to his ears and the lights that made him squint – one of the reasons why he was now walking further away from the bar and closer to the crowd in the centre of the floor.
 
And while he’d been to clubs and parties before, they didn’t compare to this – the sort of inebriation that came with a blithe lack of control. It was a kind of adrenaline that Nick had never really felt. It was a freedom he yearned to have, yet he would never allow himself to be relaxed enough to that extent. It was a habit his friends often called him on, but Nick had his own reasoning for rarely letting go of his inhibitions.
 
Though, some small part of him wanted this time to be different.
 
The lights were still bright as he tried to penetrate the throng of people, mumbled apologies drifting into the more rhythmic beat of a new song. He could feel the heat radiating onto his body, colours swathing on his skin and making him dizzy. An unexpected whirlwind of neon alongside warm bodies pressing against him as his feet took him further into the dense crowd and closer to where he thought he wanted to be.
 
It was either that or he was drunk as hell and Nick didn’t feel like contemplating the difference any time soon.
 
Since somewhere between trying not to listen to the bartender and deciding whether or not to return to the hotel, Nick had found his eyes periodically darting to the dance floor and to one person in particular; a person who somehow managed to isolate himself even among the large crowd.
 
And though Nick was justly worried about his abrupt fascination with a male – never mind someone he’d never seen before – he admitted that it wasn’t on a physical level. Because as he made his way further into the crowd, from what he could tell, the guy was long and lanky; still growing into himself and not too fluid with his movements. Though, with a head of obviously bleached hair that reflected a flash of hot pink back onto the dark ceiling, Nick couldn’t understand why he wasn’t turning around.
 
He felt a soft lump of flesh brush into his arm, slick material rubbing against his bare skin. Ignoring the movement, Nick carefully removed the small hand attempting to reach the back of his neck, quietly pushing away the lithe body next to him. He shrugged off the curves that would have normally appealed to him; the promise of warmth that would have normally lasted until the morning. The rejection would probably bother him later, but for now, his attention was still devoted to one person.
 
Though, to his defence, Nick could surmise that maybe it was because the guy’s head was lolled back; the fact that he was taken away by the music and completely unaware of everything else. Maybe it was an innate desire to see a face; place an expression with an ideal Nick already cemented in his mind. And maybe that desire was a slight resentment of Nick’s own ideal; the man unaware of where he was, outwardly too entranced by the resonance of the pulsations around him. His body continuing to follow a rhythm that was his and his alone, the man seemed to be in a world all his own.
 
Because for a moment, Nick wanted to be there, too.
 
Nick let his own hands droop to his sides when he finally stopped, determination quickly disappearing as he found himself torn between the crowd he left behind and the man moving in front of him.   He stilled as he continued to listen to the noise of the crowd trying to combat the roar of the music; continued to watch man he initially sought out oblivious to the fact that there was someone only two feet away from him.  And suddenly Nick felt unsure; almost painfully alone amidst the people around him, and the light and sounds encompassing him.
 
Because he didn’t know what to do, didn’t really know how to dance to this type of music. But now he was left standing in the middle of the floor by his own accord, staring like an idiot at the back of someone’s head. And not for the first time in his life, Nick felt pitifully self-conscious, willfully closing his eyes as he imagined the stares from the people around him; the looks on the faces of his friends when they where he was and what he was doing.
 
Yet, he was still conscious of the fact that none of it made sense; why even let himself be dragged into this place, why he didn’t leave when he had the opportunity, and why he thought he could change for just one night. It was awkward enough being seen approaching another guy – despite seeing evidence to the contrary around him - but it was the fact that it was something he didn’t do, something he wasn’t supposed to do, the thought lingering heavily in his mind.
 
Even though he knew he was still sober, Nick briefly wondered if he could turn around now and blame it on the alcohol to convince himself that none of this happened; use it as an excuse in case any questions came up later. But the thought was quickly put away when he felt a pair of hands resting on his waist; the unexpected action causing Nick to stiffen as he opened his eyes. Though, the tension was quickly replaced with confusion when his face met with a head of blond hair swaying from side to side; apparently attached to a body that was swaying, as well.
 
Momentarily caught off guard, Nick almost tripped, barely able to regain his balance when he realised that the person that had caught his attention – the reason he was even on the dance floor – wanted to dance with him.
 
Instinctively, part of him wanted to push remove the hands; still holding onto the chance to forget tonight ever happening. But the option was taken away from him when Nick felt himself being pulled closer, his chest almost flush against the other man’s back. The situation almost a surreal role reversal, it was as if the other man was tentative; the uncertainty prompting Nick to make a decision of his own.
 
And he began to move.
 
Slowly and cautiously at first, Nick concentrated on the rhythm of the music playing; hoping to follow the person now holding onto him. He wouldn’t deny that it was more than somewhat uncoordinated, clumsy even as he continued to mentally critique the situation. Then, he felt fingers squeeze into his sides; as if the other man knew what he was thinking and was threatening not to let go. And while being surprised by the action caused him to relax somewhat, Nick still wasn’t completely at ease; hands still unsure where to go as his feet continued to move his body from side to side.
 
It wasn’t like dancing with a female; where he knew what boundaries not to cross and could tell what she liked.   Given that he’d never really danced with a male before, Nick didn’t have much to compare the experience to. But when the other man turned around, Nick realised that maybe it was because nothing could compare to it. And while it could have been some strange mix of adrenaline, anxiety, and alcohol, Nick still couldn’t find any words for it.
 
Truthfully, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting; if he even expected to be in this situation at all. But the first thing that came to mind was a gaudy kind of mosaic; a medley of colours that clashed together; dancing against the other man’s skin. The bleached hair appeared darker, dampened with a tinted blue and falling over closed eyes Nick wished would open.
 
His breath hitched when he took note of how close they actually were, nearly chest to chest and the other man persisting to bring them even closer as he rested his arms on Nick’s shoulders. Almost face to face, Nick couldn’t take his gaze away; purposely transfixed by a trail of perspiration appearing on the other man’s forehead. Almost lost among the neon reflection, he resisted the urge to wipe it away as it made a path down his cheek.
 
Releasing a gasp, Nick didn’t comprehend the fact that he’d stop moving until felt someone rock into him. He tightened the grip he had on the other man, suppressing a slight shudder as he felt a small smile against his neck before the lips moved away. The fact that he wasn’t even conscious of the feeling of another man’s mouth on his skin convinced Nick that it should have ended here, should have ended a long time ago. But instead he found himself pushing any previous reserve aside; this time closing his eyes before beginning to move again.
 
Because for once, nothing else around him mattered.
 
Enticed by the warm breath against his skin, Nick focused on the wordless whispers in his ear; allowing a silent voice to drown out the noise of the crowd. It mingled with a nonexistent rhythm, intertwining with the dwindling sound of the music; once strident and now fading listlessly into the background. And Nick didn’t know when the seconds turned into minutes, when the minutes turned into hours, and then when everything into nothing; time never passing at all.
 
But it was when a cold understanding passed through him that Nick eventually began to stop; no longer silently singing the lyrics to a song he thought he’d never heard before tonight. His movements became less fluid; his body almost jerking as he tried to balance himself. A brusque awareness washed over him when he could no longer feel familiar warmth in front of him; could no longer feel the arms that were once wrapped around him.
 
And with sudden clarity, Nick finally opened his eyes to realise that he was alone.