Title: Nature of the Beast
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Nick Stokes
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Table: Un-themed 6, mission_insane
Prompt: 4, Beast
Warnings: previous non-con
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Nick Stokes, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Greg sighed as he leaned his head back against the soft cushions of the couch, letting himself relax. It had been a long night at the crime lab, and he'd spent a fruitless few hours going over evidence, none of which seemed to lead them in the right direction.

There were so many times when he wished that he could be out in the field with Nick, doing what his boyfriend did, rather than be stuck in the lab processing everything that the CSIs brought back. But given all that had happened, the lab was probably the safest place for him.

He didn't want to be out with the CSIs in the field, not while Shane was still at large. It would be too easy for that bastard to sneak onto a crime scene when the CSIs were there alone -- and Greg already knew that he couldn't defend himself against his former boyfriend.

Shane had proven in no uncertain terms that he would stop at nothing to get Greg back into his clutches again; kidnapping him from the hospital had been more than enough proof of that. He didn't want to live through another harrowing scenario like that one.

His ex-boyfriend had seemed like such a normal guy when they'd first met -- except for his fondness for those bondage games, of course, Greg thought with a wry smile. He should have known that something darker lay beneath that seemingly enticing surface.

But for a while, their relationship had been decent. It wasn't until Shane had gotten more and more dominant, to the point of hurting him and enjoying it when he inflicted that pain, that Greg had started to realize what a beast he'd gotten involved with.

How had he been so stupid as to hook up with someone like Shane, anyway? He should have been able to see through that facade, even before he got to know the man well. Was he such a bad judge of character that he could be so utterly blind when it came to men?

Greg heaved a sigh, closing his eyes. He didn't want to admit that he'd been so infatuated with Shane at first that he would have let the other man do anything he wanted -- and really, he had. Even when things had started to get rough, he hadn't protested much at first.

But once things had shifted in their relationship and it had become much more abusive than loving, he still hadn't left. He had stayed and let Shane victimize him -- and he didn't want to look too closely at the reasons why he'd let himself do so.

The truth was, he'd believed the lies Shane had told him. He'd let himself believe that he couldn't do any better, that Shane was the only person who would ever love him. And after that accident in the lab -- well, Shane had poured that rhetoric on even more thickly.

That monster had made him believe that he was the monster, that he was so scarred and unattractive on the outside that he'd never find anyone who would appreciate his good qualities on the inside. He'd been a fool, but at the time, he'd truly believed that crap.

He shouldn't have let things go so far; the moment the relationship turned abusive, he should have gotten the hell out of there. He hadn't enjoyed the rougher play, not any of it -- though he had to admit that at first, some of it had been exciting, even arousing.

When he had first started seeing Shane and they'd played around with bondage, it had been fun and games. It still amazed him how quickly things had changed from being fun to being scary -- even though he hadn't let himself admit that at the time.

Why hadn't he seen the beast that lay hidden within his ex-boyfriend? Why had he let himself be so willfully blind to what was always there -- and probably was in plain sight? After all, a lot of people had warned him about being with Shane. They'd seen what he was like.

But he hadn't wanted to see that beast -- or to face it. He had known that in the end, he would have to face down that beast alone, all on his own -- and he'd been terrified of doing so. That was why he'd tried to bury his head in the sand for so long.

If it hadn't been for Nick, he would probably still be with Shane -- or dead, he thought with a shudder. Shane hadn't wanted him for anything but a whipping post after that lab accident -- and probably for long before that, even though he'd kept up the facade of them being "lovers."

No matter how many times he told himself that some people were adept at hiding who they really were, he still couldn't stop blaming himself for not having seen through Shane. Even though it was the nature of the beast to hide its true colors, he should have been able to see past the mask.

He should have been able to see that beast -- and he should have had the courage to confront it, instead of hiding from it or trying to run away. Running away hadn't done him much good, Greg reflected with another sigh. It had only gotten him hurt. Again.

"Hurt" wasn't exactly the best way to phrase what Shane had done to him. There was a part of him that still burned with anger at having been so victimized, even while another part of him cowered away from the memory. But most of the time, the anger won out.

In some ways, there was a beast roiling inside of him as well -- one that he wanted to let out in all its ravening anger. A part of him wanted to turn that anger on Shane, to maul him mercilessly until he begged for mercy in the same way that Greg had during those hours of captivity.

Maybe it was the nature of his beast to hide away until he was angry, and then burst out with teeth and claws extended. He'd never thought of himself in that way, but then, he'd learned a lot about himself and who he was since he'd been with Nick.

The thought of his boyfriend brought a soft smile to his face; thinking of Nick always made him smile. After all that he'd been through, all the mistakes he had made, he was with Nick in the end -- and really, that was what mattered most to him, being with the man he had always loved.

All the time that he'd been with Shane, he had wanted Nick. He'd thought that they would never be anything but friends -- and yet here they were, together, and if he had anything to do with it, they would stay that way. This was how it had always been meant to be.

Nick knew all of his secrets, all of his weaknesses, all of his fears -- and still loved him. Shane hadn't wanted him once he'd been "damaged" by that lab accident, but Nick had not only wanted him, he'd loved him more because of it, and thought more of him for surviving.

That just proved that Nick was a better man than Shane, and always had been. Even though he had become involved with Shane -- who he knew was the wrong man -- he'd always wanted the right one. It had just taken them a while to connect.

Maybe it was part of the nature of the beast to want the wrong person, even when you knew in your heart that they were wrong for you, Greg mused. Anyway, it hardly mattered now. His association with Shane was over, in the past. Nick was his future.

What he shared with Nick was more important to him than anything else in his life. His job in the lab, his aspirations of being a CSI -- all of it paled beside the love he had for his boyfriend. If he had to give up all the other things in his life, he would gladly do it to be with Nick.

If Shane hadn't been such a beast, then he would probably never have been with Nick. He wouldn't thank Shane for that, but it was kind of funny how horrible things could lead to good ones. If that was how fate had intended his life to go, then he wouldn't argue with it.

He was happier with Nick than he'd ever been in his entire life, and he didn't want anything to come between him and that happiness. If they could just find out where Shane was keeping himself hidden and arrest him, then he could finally let himself relax.

He'd feel a lot more safe and secure once that beast was behind bars, Greg thought with a sigh. It had to happen sooner or later; his ex-boyfriend couldn't hide himself away forever. He could only hope that the beast would be brought to bay in the near future -- and the sooner, the better.

***