Title: Run Away
Author: Bj Jones
Rating: (FRM)
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Various Executives, Producers and CBS own them. I'm not making any money, just borrowing them and will return them back to the lab in short order.
Cast: Horatio Caine, Timothy Speedle
Special Warnings: Slash - if it's not your cup of tea - don't read
Timeline: My universe where Speed is alive
Summary: Speed is haunted by dark thoughts.
Author's Note: Gypsy this is your entire fault... I just read the words and had to come up with something.... Turned out to completely different than I anticipated...
Archive: Just let me know where

***

Speed stormed out of the interrogation room, with a rare show of emotion on his face.  Everyone moved out of his way, not used to seeing the normally mild young man agitated and emotional.  Speed slammed into the locker room, down the aisle to his locker.  He ripped off his clothes, and proceeded to the shower.  The water was hot, almost but not quiet, scolding. He braced himself against the shower wall letting the hot water cascade down his neck and shoulders.  The tears mixed with the water as they ran down his cheeks, the emotional pain seeping through the hard outer shell.
 
The wound was still raw and red, as his hands brushed over the scaring tissue.  The bullet had missed his heart by a few millimeters.  The only thing that had kept him alive was Horatio demands to breath.  He had looked up into those expressive blue eyes, and held on to life.  A life he had lost all will to keep living.  A life he carelessly threw away by not cleaning his gun.  A life Horatio wanted him to keep living - and he did.  Through weeks of pain, and months of therapy physical and mental, he had slowly put his life together. 
 
And it had only taken on suspect, one callus word, one moment for it all to come crashing down.
 
"He deserved to die, the fag.  No son of mine was going to be a prissy taking it up the ass," The suspect was full of hatred toward his only son.  A son he had killed because he had fallen in love with another man. 
 
Similar words echoed in his ears. Similar hatred.  In that one moment he had been transported back to New York - to a life he ran away from.
 
"No son of mine will pounce around with another boy!" He could still hear the echo of the slap across his face.  "Get out of my house. You are no longer my son."
 
He had shown up on Keith's doorstep tears in his eyes, homeless, disowned.  Keith's family had taken him in; let him stay there until he finished high school.  They had become his family until tragedy struck. 
 
A deer, a jerk of the controls and the snowmobile flipped.  He walked away without a scratch; Keith had been paralyzed from the neck down.
 
"I'm sorry Timothy, but you can't stay here." The pain filled voice of Keith's mother. "You were the one driving and it should be you in that hospital not my son."
 
In less than six months he had been thrown out of two families. 
 
He kept going, kept living - for one man, for Keith.  He went to school determined to find a cure.  Despite the odds the two still loved each other, still lived their lives together, and though small they were a family.
 
Until fate had stolen his third family from him, Keith had died on the operating table. 
 
He stood in the background during the funeral. Keith's parents blaming him.  His own family denying his existence.  The man he lived for - gone. He left New York and never looked back.
 
He turned off the shower, the years of loneliness and pain suddenly surfaced.  He had run away to Miami.  He refused to let anyone close to him; it took years for Megan to weasel her way into his life and heart.  Everyone had thought he had been in love with her, but he had loved her like a sister.  She had taken him in, trained him, and given him a family once again.  It was because of her he had begun to open up to the others around him. 
 
Then she left; though this time he didn't feel as if he lost another family just a member of it.  Alexx had her mother hen routine down, and made sure he had a home cooked meal once a week.  Eric and he went out, had fun picked up girls - or in Speed's case helped Eric pick up girls.  Calleigh and he teased and bantered back and forth a sibling bond created. 
 
Then there was Horatio.  He had fallen in love with Horatio soon after they met.  He loved the man from afar, enjoying his company on the job - his guidance and friendship.  He enjoyed going to work.  He enjoyed his job.  He enjoyed his life.
 
Then it all began to crumble. 
 
Everything he ran away from came crashing back, finding its way to Miami.  He had been working on a case, when he saw Keith's sister.  He smiled when he saw her with two kids.  He had walked over to say hello. 
 
"Tim, oh, hi," her smile faded when she recognized him. "I didn't know you were in Miami.  Lost track of you after Keith died." She turned towards her family, "This is my husband, Tom and my two kids, Keith and Sarah." 
 
He had smiled at the two kids, when a cold voice sounded from behind him, "Timothy, I'm a bit surprised to see you."  He smiled at Keith's mom and explained that he had finished his degree and moved to Miami, and was now working as a CSI. "Well isn't that nice.  I'm so glad to see you have moved on with your life - a career, friends..."
 
He had sped home, the wind in his air, the guilt returning and consuming him.  He had arrived home late, thrown his gun and badge on the counter, and hit the message button on his answering machine. 
 
"Your father died," His mother's tone was harsh. "Do not come to the funeral you aren't welcome."
 
Shakespeare had said it best, "Trouble doesn't come by single men, but by battalions."
 
A month later, he had been accused of helping hijack a load of cocaine.  He had tried to get out, have fun - the place burned down killing sixteen people.  Then just to top off his year, a Meth house had been booby trapped and they barely made it out of there in time before it blew. 
 
He fell into a hole, darkness consumed him.  Calleigh rarely went out with him anymore.  Eric picked up woman on his own.  Horatio was mooning over his sister-in-law.  Only Alexx seemed to still care.  He was her Speedy.
 
After Wally he had just given up.  He couldn't save him, so why save himself.  He rarely left his house, his gun never left his holster.  He had a spark of hope when Cookie, Sarah, had seen past the wall - saw the darkness.  She understood it, but like him - she couldn't get past it.
 
Horatio had ordered him to take vacation.  "Get out, get some sun you need it." Horatio had smiled at him, sunglasses hiding his beautiful blue eyes.  He rode off on his bike heading north destination unknown. 
 
A boat.  A call.  A jewelry shop.  A jammed gun.
 
He slammed the locker shut, grabbed his bag and headed out the door.  Maybe he should finish that vacation.  Too many memories were going through his head; bring up old wounds, old guilt, and old pain.   He wanted, needed to run away.
 
He stepped out into the bright Miami sun.  He swung his bag over his shoulder and walked towards his bike. 
 
He stopped short.  Horatio was leaning up against his hummer's wearing jeans and a button down shirt.
 
He looked over at Speed, "Get in."

"What?" Speed looked at him a bit shocked.
 
"We're going on a trip," Horatio moved away from the hummer and opened the door.
 
"But?" Speed hesitated still staring at Horatio.
 
"Speed," Horatio's voice was patient. "Don't think I haven't noticed. Get in."
 
Speed walked over to the passenger side, threw his bag in and got into the vehicle, "Where are we going?"
 
"We're running away," Horatio started up the hummer.
 
Neither of them said much as they headed north on the highway.  Speed closed his eyes, leaned back in the seat and enjoyed the sun on his face.
 
"Aren't they going to miss the hummer?" Speed asked his eyes still closed.
 
"Don't really care," Horatio shrugged.  "As many times they call me at one in the morning I can borrow 'dads' car for a weekend."
 
Speed chuckled, "Where are we going?"
 
"No where," Horatio shrugged.
 
"Why are we going there?" Speed asked moving his head to the side and looking at Horatio.
 
"You needed to run away," Horatio glanced over at him, "and so did I."
 
"Why?" Speed voice dropped.
 
"I've watched you dig yourself into a hole, I watched you struggle to get out of it." Horatio said with honestly. "I saw your reaction in that interrogation room, and decided I wasn't going to let you fall back into that hole."
 
Speed turned and looked out the passenger window, there was nothing to say.  Horatio turned on the radio letting the music fill the silence.
 
'Looks like I've lost my will to carry on, my friend' she said
And you can hear it in my whispered cries for love
I need your blissful touch to carry me away again
So can we roll tonight, roll through your desert, can we start over and just...
 
Speed turned and stared at the radio.  He had heard the song earlier in the week.  Calleigh had been listening to it, while working in the lab.  He had felt the words then, but they had hit home now.
 
Run away, run away tonight
It ain't no victory, but I don't care, I don't care if it's wrong or right
We can just run away, run away tonight
It ain't no victory but I don't care, I don't care if it's wrong or right
 
He didn't feel the vehicle slow or the fact that Horatio had pulled off the highway.  He didn't notice that they had stopped, parked at a small rest stop away from everyone else. 
 
'Looks like I've lost my will to carry on, my friend' she said
I'm like a posse that's been ridin' for days
I've got my scars to prove that love has had its day and its way with me.
So can we roll tonight, roll through your desert, can we start over and just...
 
Everything came rushing back, the murdered eighteen year old boy, violated and beaten.  The father's hateful words, his own snapped words back.  The suspects sneer as he called Speed a fucking fag.  Speed's horror in realizing Horatio now knew.  Knew his darkest secret.
 
Run away, run away tonight
It ain't no victory, but I don't care, I don't care if it's wrong or right
We can just run away, run away tonight
It ain't no victory but I don't care, I don't care if it's wrong or right
 
He looked over at Horatio, fearful brown eyes looking into concerned blue.  Horatio leaned over his hand cupping Speed's face his thumb caressing the coarse cheek.  Tears slipped down Speed's cheek.  He opened up letting someone see the darkness within. His eyes pleading for help. 
 
This ain't no night to be on your own
You've got to know where you're coming from
To know just where you're goin', lord
You've got to know where you're coming from
This ain't no night be on your own
 
Horatio gave him a small smile as he leaned over and kissed the tears away.  Speed's breath hitched, his heart pounded.  His lips parted as Horatio's mouth descended onto his.  It was a sweet caring kiss, one full of love and healing.
 
Run away, run away tonight
It ain't no victory, but I don't care, I don't care if it's wrong or right
We can just run away, run away tonight
It ain't no victory, but I don't care
It don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care
Run away
Run away
Run away
 
"I should have been there," Horatio leaned back and took Speed's hand. "I should have seen you were going down that dark path. I was wrapped up in my own issues..."
 
Speed held his finger up to Horatio's mouth, "You can't save someone from themselves."
 
"I should have been available for you to come to," Horatio took his hand and kissed his fingers.  "Seeing you laying there bleeding, my world shattered everything I was dealing with came into focus - nothing was more important than making sure you survived.  I knew if I demanded you to live, you would.  You had given up on yourself, but you would live for me."
 
"I did," Speed's hand moved to Horatio's face, smiling at him. "But then I lived for myself."
 
Horatio covered Speed's hand, "Run away with me."
 
"Can we keep on running?" Speed grinned at him. 
 
"How far do you want to go?" Horatio asked.
 
"Forever," Speed whispered claiming Horatio's lips in a deep kiss.
 
He had finally come home; all of his running had led him to this place, to this man.  He deepened the kiss his tongue seeking entrance into Horatio's mouth.  Horatio moaned as he shifted trying to pull Speed closer.  Horatio groaned and pulled back slumping into the drivers seat.

"As much as I would like to continue this," Horatio panted.  "I don't think making out in the hummer would be a wise idea."
 
Speed snickered, "You have to admit Calleigh's or Eric's reaction would be hilarious once they figured out what was in the back seat."
 
Horatio laughed, "Ever been to Savannah?"
 
"Georgia?" Speed asked clearly shocked.
 
"There's this great bed and breakfast." Horatio took Speed's hand, kissing the palm, "Just you, me and three days in a beautiful city."
 
"You were going to drive the hummer all the way to Georgia?" Speed smirked at him.
 
Horatio grinned, "I've got alternate transportation.  I knew you just needed to get out fast and didn't have time to go home and get it."
 
"You got my curiosity going," Speed settled back into the passenger seat. "I've never seen you in anything but the hummer." Speed looked out the front window as Horatio got back onto the highway heading back towards Miami. "So what kind of car does the great Lieutenant Horatio Caine drive?"
 
"It's not that big of a deal," Horatio glanced over at Speed.
 
Speed shifted, smirk firmly in place. "Yeah it is. I've known you for years and never seen you outside a company vehicle.  When they ordered the hummers I thought you were going to keel over from pleasure."
 
Horatio's eyes narrowed at the young man, "I did not."
 
"Yeah you did," Speed laughed. "I can call Megan she was there."
 
Horatio grinned, "Okay, Tim, what kind of car do you think I drive."

Speed leaned back in his seat, eyes following the landscape, "You know there's a pool at work right?"
 
"No, I didn't know that," Horatio drummed his fingers against the steering wheel.
 
"Nothing to flashy, so I think Cadillac would be out," Speed cocked his head thinking. "I really don't see you driving a Ford Taurus or Toyota Camry. You got the power driving the hummer so something smaller." Speed ignored Horatio's snort of displeasure. "You like speed, even if you won't admit it." Speed grinned over at him. "So something with style, speed, and well built."
 
Horatio glanced at him, "You were always good at reading people."
 
"When you sit alone with nothing but books, you learn to observe everything around you," Speed muttered darkly.
 
Horatio reached over and placed his hand on Speed's thigh giving it a squeeze, "No more dark corners."
 
Speed smiled squeezing Horatio's hand, "So let's see, car.  I doubt you have a BMW or Mercedes, something more classic."
 
Horatio shook his head as he pulled up to his home, "You going to keep guessing or should I just show you?"
 
Speed looked out the window at the simple one story house, "Am I even close?"
 
"Scary as it sounds, yeah," Horatio got out of the hummer and headed towards the front door.  "You coming?"
 
"Not yet," Speed smirked at him.
 
Horatio turned his eyes narrowing at the young man, "You're going to be a hand full."
 
Speed walked up to him, his dark eyes growing serious, "I have a lot of issues from my past, issues I'm finally dealing with.  If you're willing, I promise to love you and not leave your side no matter how scared I get and want to run."
 
"Come to me," Horatio cupped his cheek. "When it gets to rough or dark, when those whispers in your head get to loud, please Speed I don't think I can handle loosing you.  When you feel like running..."
 
"I'll take you with me, I might want to run away from my life, but I don't think I can run away from you," Speed sealed their lips together.
 
Horatio somehow got the front door open, and pulled Speed inside.  The front door slammed shut a few seconds before Horatio slammed Speed into the door.  Speed moaned his head thrown back as Horatio kissed and licked a path down his neck to his collar bone. Speed's hand slipped under the white button down shirt caressing smooth skin. 
 
Horatio claimed Speed's lips once again, but at a slower exploring pace.  He stepped back away from the door trying to calm his body down. Speed leaned against the door his dark eyes were lust filled as he watched Horatio.
 
"Let me grab a bag, and we'll be out of here," Horatio headed for the back bedroom. "Make yourself at home."
 
Speed nodded as he explored the living room, looking at pictures, books, pieces of art.  The room showed and told Horatio's story.  The leather couches were rich but comfortable, hand made quilt thrown over the back.  Books ranging from forensics to Poe, Speed grinned when he picked up the copy of the Harry Potter.  He set the book down next to him as he sat down at the piano.  His fingers breezed over the keys.
 
"You play?" Horatio asked leaning up against the small upright.
 
"A little," Speed shrugged his fingers playing a small tune.
 
"Beethoven," Horatio's eyebrow rose impressed, "A little?"
 
"My mother wanted me to be well rounded," Speed played more of Beethoven's ninth. "I stopped after Keith died."
 
"Well you play for me?" Horatio asked.
 
Speed stopped playing and looked up, "For you, yes. For anyone else, no. So don't expect me to break out Auld Lang Syne next New Years." Speed smiled at him, "So Harry Potter?" Speed picked up the book.
 
"Would you believe me if I said it was Ray Jr.'s?" Horatio took the book out of Speed's hand and set it back down on the coffee table.
 
"No," Speed smirked at him.
 
Horatio smiled, "Let's go."
 
"We could stay here?" Speed suggested his voice husky suggestive.

Horatio shivered as he turned back towards Speed, "We both need to get out of Miami."
 
"Run away," Speed nodded in understanding.
 
"Away from the dark underside of society," Horatio walked towards the garage Speed a few steps behind him. "Away from prejudices, hate, a world where a father would kill his only son because of who he loved," Horatio stopped in front of the garage door.
 
Speed looked at him, understanding the true meaning behind Horatio's words, "When I'm ready, will you help me go back.  Back to New York and face my past."
 
"I'll be there every step of the way," Horatio kissed his softly. "Now for the eager anticipated moment," Horatio opened the garage door and clicked the garage door switch.
 
Speed followed Horatio into the garage.  He smirked as he took in the car sitting in the garage, "I was on the right path." He whistled appreciatively his hand running along the curves of the car. 
 
Horatio walked out to the hummer and grabbed Speed's bag and a CD.  He threw the bag into the back seat next to his own, and slipped behind the wheel, "You going to stand there or get in?"
 
Speed smiled as he slipped into the passenger seat, "style, speed, and well built. How long have you had it?"
 
"High school," Horatio slipped on his sunglasses before starting up the engine.  "Rebuilt it from scratch," The engine purred.
 
Speed shook his head slipping on his own sunglasses, "65' Mustang convertible. It's you; the blue even matches your eyes."
 
Horatio laughed as he pulled out of the driveway, "Not why I picked blue. Red's to conspicuous and screams to the cops as you drive by."
 
"Yeah, so does yellow," Speed grinned at him.
 
"Do I want to know how many speeding tickets?" Horatio took off down the road, heading back for the highway.
 
"No," Speed leaned back in his seat, enjoying the wind through his hair.
 
Horatio smiled at the relaxed expression on Speed's face, "Music?"
 
"Sure," Speed shrugged.
 
"The one thing I did add to the vehicle, was an upgraded stereo system," Horatio slipped in the CD he had grabbed from the hummer.
 
Speed glanced over at Horatio as the music began to play, "You have the song on CD?"
 
"I watched as you listened to it in the lab," Horatio glanced over. "It affected you deeply.  I knew I had to get you to break down and open up." Horatio paused, "Music is a powerful tool."
 
Run away, run away tonight
It ain't no victory, but I don't care, I don't care if it's wrong or right
We can just run away, run away tonight
It ain't no victory but I don't care, I don't care if it's wrong or right
 
Speed nodded in understanding, "So is this going to be our song?"
 
Horatio smiled softly, "How about our code. When either of us feels like a need to make a run for it, the other will pack the bags."
 
This ain't no night to be on your own
You've got to know where you're coming from
To know just where you're goin', lord
You've got to know where you're coming from
This ain't no night be on your own
 
"Thank you," Speed laid his hand on Horatio's thigh.  "Thank you for believing in me enough to save me."
 
Horatio held Speed's hand, giving it a small squeeze. "By saving you I saved myself."
 
Run away, run away tonight
It ain't no victory, but I don't care, I don't care if it's wrong or right
We can just run away, run away tonight
It ain't no victory, but I don't care
It don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care
Run away
Run away
Run away
 
~*~
 
"Run Away" - Awake: The best of Live (Live and Shelby Lynne)
 
"Looks like I've lost my will to carry on, my friend," she said
And you can hear it in my whispered cries for love
I need your blissful touch to carry me away again
So can we roll tonight, roll through your desert, can we start over and just...
 
Run away, run away tonight
It aint no victory, but I don't care, I don't care if its wrong or right
We can just run away, run away tonight
It aint no victory but I don't care, I don't care if its wrong or right

"Looks like I've lost my will to carry on, my friend" she said
I'm like a posse that's been ridin' for days
I've got the scars to prove that love has had its day and it's way with me
So can we roll tonight, roll through your desert, can we start over and just...

Run away, run away tonight
It aint no victory but I don't care, I don't care if its wrong or right
We can just run away, run away tonight
It aint no victory but I don't care, I don't care if its wrong or right

This ain't no night to be on your own
You've got to know where you're coming from
To know just where you're goin', lord
You've got to know where you're coming from
This ain't no night to be on your own

Run away, run away tonight
It aint no victory but I don't care, I don't care if its wrong or right
We can just run away, run away tonight
It aint no victory but I don't care
I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care
Run away
Run away
Run away

***

Next story in series - I Walk the Line.