Title: A Shoulder To Cry On
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Gil Grissom
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Gil Grissom, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Gil took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment before he reached for the kitchen doorknob and turned it to open the door. He knew that Greg wouldn't be in a very cheerful mood, and though he didn't blame his lover for that, it was painful to see.

He missed the Greg that he had known when they'd worked together in the crime lab -- the bouncy young man who had been full of life and high spirits. Greg had changed so much since his ordeal in that abandoned house -- and since his recent discovery.

Gil shuddered at the thought; he didn't want to think that the lump in Greg's breast could mean that they would have to deal with cancer treatments, but it was a possibility. He just wished that anyone in the world other than the young man he loved had to deal with it.

He would rather be dealing with the threat of cancer himself than have Greg go through this. He'd already had enough trauma dumped into his lap -- he didn't need this, on top of everything else that he'd through. Greg could only be so strong.

How much more would it take to make his boyfriend break down? Gil wondered, pausing before he opened the door. And how good would he be at giving Greg the comfort that he would so desperately need? He'd never been good at doing things like that.

But he would do the best he could. He had promised that he would always be here for Greg; he would be a shoulder for the young man to cry on, if he needed it, and he would do everything that he could to support Greg in any way that he could possibly need.

Taking another deep breath, he opened the door, closing it and going through the kitchen into the living room. He frowned when he realized that Greg wasn't there, wondering where his boyfriend could possibly be, since he was obviously in the house.

Gil stood in the living room, training his ears for any slight sound. After a few moments, he realized that the light was on in the bathroom; he could see the illumination spilling out into the hallway, and he headed for it, hoping that he wouldn't be disturbing Greg.

Greg was standing in front of the mirror, shirtless, staring at his body in the brightness cast by the lights around the glass. As Gil watched, he raised his left arm over his head, his other hand gingerly touching his breast to feel for the lump he'd found.

A choked sound came from Greg's throat, something like a strangled sob. Gil moved forward to slip his arms around his boyfriend's waist, bowing his head to brush a kiss against the softness of Greg's cheek, hoping that he could forestall any tears.

"It's still there," Greg choked out, tears imminent in his voice. Gil ndoded, closing his eyes and holding Greg close. He had known that it would be; there was no way that something of that magnitude had been imaginary, or that it would simply disappear.

"We'll go to the doctor tomorrow and have it looked at, Greg," he said softly, trying to keep his voice calm and soothing. "You made the appointment, didn't you?" He was sure that Greg had done so, but he wanted to make sure anyway.

Greg nodded, his eyes meeting Gil's in the mirror. "I'm scared of what he's going to say," Greg whispered, his voice catching in his throat, his face working as he tried to hold back tears. "I'm scared that they ... that they'll have to remove some of my breast."

"And if they do, then you'll still be alive and I'll still have you," Gil murmured into his ear, one hand moving to cup Greg's breast, his thumb rubbing across the sensitive nipple. It sprang to life immediately, the soft flesh hardening under his fingertips.

"I'm scared that you're not going to want me any more if they do," Greg mumbled, his voice barely audible. "I don't want them to do anything that changes my body. If they do, then you might not be able to look at me in the same way. I don't want to lose you because of this."

"Do you really think that would happen, Greg?" Gil asked, feeling a little hurt that his boyfriend could think that way. "I fell in love with you, not with your body. True, you're beautiful and I want you -- but I love who you are, not just what you look like."

"I know you did." Greg's voice was still choked, subdued. "But how are you going to feel if my body isn't all you thought it would be? We haven't even ...." His voice trailed off before he took a deep breath and went on, his voice even softer now. "What if I can't feel things any more?"

"What?" Gil was confused by Greg's words; he didn't understand just what the younger man was getting at. "What do you mean, 'not feel things'? Your body isn't going to be destroyed even if they have to remove part of your flesh, Greg."

Greg shook his head, a frown marring his smooth brow. "I've read about stuff like this. Sometimes when a part of someone's breast -- male or female -- has to be removed, they relocate the nipple. And I --" He closed his eyes, swallowing hard. "I'm scared I'll lose feeling in it."

Gil turned Greg around in his arms, so that the young man was facing him, their eyes meeting for a few moments. Slowly, deliberately, he lowered his head, laving his tongue over the sensitive, hardened nipple, then taking it into his mouth and sucking gently.

Greg's head fell back, a soft gasp coming from his lips. Gil moved his mouth to the other nipple, lavishing attention on it as well, before returning to the first. He could feel Greg's heart rate speeding up, the other man's body starting to tremble in his arms.

After a few more moments of sucking at Greg's nipple, he raised his head to gaze into his boyfriend's dark eyes. "Greg, I love your nipples. I love your body. But I love you, not just your body. If the doctors have to make changes in your body to keep you alive and healthy, I accept that."

"Will you want to touch me like that and kiss my nipples or even look at them if they're .... different?" Greg asked, his voice very low. He gulped, tears starting to slide down his cheeks. "What if they have to do some kind of invasive surgery and you can't stand to touch me again?"

"Greg, sweetheart, that isn't going to happen," Gil assured him, his heart aching for his boyfriend. He could understand why Greg was so terrified; it was frightening for anyone to think of something like cancer being in their body, invading them from the inside out.

He raised a hand to stroke the younger man's hair as Greg buried his face in Gil's shoulder, his slender body shaking with sobs. He could do nothing but stand here and hold Greg, offering what comfort he could and wishing that there was more he could say or do.

Gil hoped that just being here with Greg, holding him and reassuring him that he wouldn't be abandoned no matter what might happen, was enough. He had no intention of leaving his boyfriend; he loved Greg far too much to walk out on him when he was most needed.

"Don't cry, sweetheart," he whispered, wishing that he could wave some kind of magic wand to stop Greg's tears. "We have to think positively. We have to believe that you don't have cancer, and that this lump is going to be removed with no problems."

Grg nodded, raising his head from Gil's shoulder and wiping at his face. "I-I'm sorry," he gulped, shaking his head. "I didn't mean to go to pieces all over you. And I know you wouldn't leave me just because of that. If you were that kind of guy, I wouldn't be with you in the first place."

"And if I were that kind of guy, I wouldn't deserve an angel like you," Gil murmured, bowing his head to brush a gentle kiss across Greg's parted lips. "I love you, Greg. And I'll always be here for you, whenever you need me. No matter what happens."

Greg nodded, sniffling and resting his head on Gil's shoulder again for a moment. This time, there were no more tears; Greg's breathing slowed back to normal, his arms slipping around Gil to hold him close, their hearts beating against each other.

Gil closed his eyes, resting his cheek against the softness of Greg's hair. He would indeed be here for the man he loved, in every way that he possibly could be. It didn't matter to him that Greg might be needy at the moment; Greg was going through a rough time right now.

He would always be a shoulder to cry on, whenever Greg might feel the need for it. And he was sure that if he ever needed that kind of a shoulder, Greg would be there for him, too. His boyfriend might look fragile, but Greg had an inner core of strength that came shining through.

"Come on," he said softly, regretfully disentangling himself from Greg's embrace and taking his boyfriend's hand as he headed for the bathroom door. "Let's go make dinner. We both need to try to relax tonight before that doctor's appointment in the morning."

Greg nodded, sniffling again and reaching for a tissue to blow his nose with. Less than a day before they would find out more, for better or worse, Gil told himself. He hoped with all his heart that they would get good news, and that the only crying done then would be tears of relief.

***