Title: But I Don't Mean to Gossip
By: quettaser
Rating: PG
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Pairings: Nick/Greg, hints of Grissom/Sara, Grissom/Lady Heather, Warrick/Catherine and other random pairings
Spoilers: Light spoilers for everything up to the end of season 5.
Summary: Set post-season 5. "Crime Lab. How can we help you?" is pretty much how Judy spends her days...well, nights.

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            "Crime Lab. How can we help you?"

            I mean, that's pretty much how my days are spent. Well not days, technically its my nights. Actually, some days too. What I mean is that CSIs aren't the only ones pulling triples. Sixteen, twenty hours of talking with stressed out family members, tense CSIs and bored techs? It can take a toll on a girl.

            People are always really intrigued when I tell them I work in a crime lab. I guess they think it's really exciting or something. But I'm just a secretary. I answer phones, make copies, deliver faxes and page people. Heck, I don't even sort the mail. It can get pretty boring.

            Although there was that one time where I dragged Warrick -- that's the tall black guy with the gorgeous eyes -- across the floor. Oh, and there was that other time where I beat a blood-covered dummy with a baseball bat that helped solve a homicide...

            Okay, so it's really not a boring job at all. In fact, I really love it. Between the phone calls and faxes, it's all about the gossip. And there is a lot to gossip about. Not that anyone's in a tawdry affair or something so Days of Our Lives like that. It's just that with all the bored techs, we end up chatting about anything and everything.

            And, okay, so it's not totally their fault. I like to gossip too. Maybe it's a little bit childish and makes me sound like a teenager, but I can't help it! I like to know what's going on with everyone else. So what if it makes me nosey? And even though there's nothing entirely tawdry or untoward, there really is a lot to gossip about. Hee! I love that word. Untoward. It just sounds like gossip waiting to happen.

            Not that I'm a gossip hound or anything.

            At least, not really.

            But come on, I mean, Catherine's a gossip mine all to herself. She's the one with the light hair wearing all the low-cut tops. The second Evans came back from the strip club, the entire lab buzzed about her former "career". And with what happened with Eddie? Oh man, we talked about that for weeks. Could she really have been a coke head? I don't know. I just don't see it, she seems to smart for that, not that anyone listens to my theories.

            Jacqui just shakes her head and sighs at me these days. Bobby tries to be nice about it, mincing words so that it doesn't sound like he's actually disregarding everything I've just said. Mandy just giggles a little and changes the topic.

            Not that I have a whole lot of theories. Its not like I spend all my free time thinking about what's really going on in the lab. I have a life. Well...I think I do. Anyways, I have theories and no one listens.

            No matter how many times I tell people Grissom "“ that's the bug guy that quotes Julius Caesar "“ and Sara "“ tall, brunette workaholic "“ aren't getting together, they just brush me off. Well, not really. Bobby agrees with me. But Jacqui and Archie are convinced that there's just too much tension for something not to happen.

            Of course, I keep saying that Grissom's just too bass-ackwards around people he's not investigating to ever get anything off the ground. Although, there was that dominatrix woman a few years ago...I mean, who'd have thought he'd end up being so kinky? He claims nothing happened, but come on, you don't go to a fetish house that much and only have tea.

            That doesn't keep most of the techs from thinking something's going to happen, though. Over-under for Grissom and Sara is somewhere about two months from now. I have my money on over. Way over.

Not that we bet a lot on our co-workers, like we have nothing better to do.

            Okay, so that's not entirely true.

            We do have another bet on Catherine and Warrick. Jacqui heard from David who heard from Doc Robbins who heard from Brass who heard from the water guy that they almost kissed. Although, I'm not inclined to believe that because how can you almost kiss Warrick Brown? It's pretty much an all or nothing type of thing. But, rumor has it that Warrick has a fabulous dinner planned for her, and really, I couldn't be happier if they got together. Just look at the way he treats Lindsay. He'd be such a great dad.

            But sometimes, we don't even have enough information to start a bet...well, at least a bet on a relationship. Like Nick and Greg, that's the hot Texan and the DNA tech-turned CSI. For years I've been saying they're together and no one listens to a single word. Sure, we all know Greg's bi, but you even suggest that "ladies man" Nick Stokes is gay and it's eyerolls all around. I don't think he's been with a woman since Kristy, that hooker that got killed.

Or at least he hasn't told anyone who's told anyone else. And our chain of communication is pretty effective...not that we have a whole chain set up. We really aren't that obsessed about the gossip.

But I've got to prove that I'm right, and it's not just to win the bet.

            Not that we bet a lot on out co-worker's sexuality, like we have nothing better to do.

            Actually, we are starting a low-key one on Hodges, because really, he brown noses so much, you have to wonder if maybe....maybe he just likes his nose there.

            So, anyways, back to Nick and Greg. I've been watching them, gathering evidence. Not in a creepy stalker way, not after what happened to Nick...not that I would have before. I'm not a stalker. I mean, I've been paying attention to the way they act around each other. And it's not even that hard, they can be so obvious sometimes.

            And okay, even if I wasn't searching for evidence, I'd still be watching anyway because they're both just nice to look at -- and by the way, how did our lab get so pretty?-- but I'm on a mission here, so I can't be distracted by tight abs and cute butts and god, gorgeous hands...

            Sorry, it isn't always easy to stay on target. Although it really doesn't matter because they aren't interested in me because they have each other.

            I'm sure of it.

            One time, I definitely saw them making out in the locker room...Okay, they weren't actually making out at the time, but Nick's shirt was all rumpled and Greg's lips were all swollen. Definite signs of a make out. But there's more evidence than that.

            I mean, just look at the way they touch when they talk. They're all hands, like they'll use any excuse to feel each other. And I guess they do, because they must have liked each other for a while and been too nervous to do anything about it outright. So all that want, that desire, manifested itself as this subconscious intimacy, this closeness that developed without any discernable effort. I pick up on a lot of psycho babble from work.

            But I knew something was up after Greg came back from the explosion. At first Nick was all fretting and distracted and Greg was definitely withdrawn. But then one day they both came in with those giant toothy grins. I'm positive that's when they got together.

            And even though they don't see each other as much inside the lab, I can tell they're still together. The way they smile at each other in the halls just screams love. I just don't know how anyone else could miss it. It's just right there, out in the open. The way they laugh and stand oh-so-close, and the way they stare. They stare each other down like they're never going to look at each other ever again. There's something almost hungry about it.

            And maybe it's weird for me to pay so much attention, and to analyze their every move, but I know I'm right and no amount of eye-rolling is going to stop me. Also, they're totally adorable and I have a hundred bucks riding on it.

Maybe it's just that people aren't looking for the right things, except that Bobby knows what to look for and he doesn't see it. I know it makes my heart wrench to think about the way Greg just looked broken when he first heard Nick had been kidnapped. There's just no way you look that way for a friend. If they aren't seriously in love then my name isn't Judy.

            Oh, well, actually it's Judith, but everyone calls me Judy, so that counts, right?

            It doesn't matter, all I know is that Grissom and Sara will never happen, Catherine and Warrick need to get together right now, and Nick and Greg are so together and in love, no matter what anyone else says.

            But I don't mean to gossip.



Fin.

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