Title: Loved Twice
Author: Space Monkey aka Eri
Pairing: Mac/Danny Danny/Sonny
Archive: sure, let me know
Rating: FROM
Disclaimer: not mine :(
Warnings: AU, Non Con, Betrayal
Notes: Established Relationship, hurt/comfort, set in season 3, spoilers for seasons 1 and 2. Sonny never went to jail; Danny had been a Tanglewood Boy.
NOTE- In later chapters Danny will seem fem. All chapters posted together, short and marked.
Special thanks to Sihn for the request and idea for this story. I hope you like it.
Summery: Danny is in an accident, when he awakes Mac finds he has lost all memories of the lab and him.

Chapter 1: Finally Awake

Mac stands outside Danny’s room, just like he had when Don had been in the hospital. Danny is so still, so lifeless, white as the sheets he lays under, looking so much like a child.

He’s still unconscious, and has been for the last three weeks. Mac has come by every day after shift to watch over his young lover. All his days off spent feeling helpless as he watches Danny sleep, unaware of the torment his unconsciousness is causing.

Walking into Danny’s room and over to the bed Mac takes his hand and runs his fingers through Danny’s soft golden hair, moving the stray unruly hairs from Danny’s forehead.

Mac sighs a little, he has been moving since 0300 when he got called in to work. That was hours ago, its how 0800 the following day. Mac still hasn’t slept. Placing his head down beside Danny’s hand on the cool pale sheets, Mac decides he’ll just rest his eyes a moment. As he begins to drift off he feels a hand slide through his hair and down to his neck.

Lifting his head to make sure he wasn’t imagining Danny’s gentle touch, he looks into the brilliant baby blues of his young lover.

Reaching for the side table Mac grabbed Danny’s glasses and places them on his face. Squinting a little as things fall back into focus, Danny frowns.

“Who are you?” he asks.

“It’s me Danny, Mac”

Staring a little longer, hoping that it would click into place, Danny shakes his head.

“Am I supposed to know ya?”
Now Mac frowns, Danny doesn’t remember him?

“Let me get a doctor” Mac says getting up and backing slowly from the room.

“Ya do that copper!”


Chapter 2: Confessions

Standing out in the hallway Mac spoke to the rest of his team.

“Danny has Traumatic Retrograde Amnesia, from what the doctors can tell he lost 13 years...”

Interrupting Mac Flack’s thick New York accent cut through the near silent corridor “You mean to tell us he doesn’t remember us?”

Mac sighed, running his hand through his short hair, how was he going to tell them this?

“Yes, the last thing Danny remembers is being apart of Tanglewood.”

Gasping Stella waved her hands in the air, first cursing in Greek, for which Mac is grateful.

“What do you mean Tanglewood? Danny wasn’t apart of Tanglewood!”

Everyone stood shell shocked at Mac’s confession.

Lindsay’s soft voice barely broke a whisper as she spoke “I thought he never joined?”

Mac hung his head, he knew this was going to come back to bite him.

“That can’t be!” Flack shouted, just now getting his voice back.

“I’m his best friend, he would have told me! Why wouldn’t he tell me something like this?”

Mac moved towards Flack and placed his hand on his shoulder, “Don you come from a long line of cops, it wouldn’t of looked good if you knew, he thought it would be best.”

“You mean he figured I would have turned my back on him!” Flack now stood hands on hips glaring at Mac.

“I’m sorry Don.”


Don was now pacing inside Danny’s room.

“Come on, if you try hard enough you’ll remember me!” He screamed at Danny.

“I’m your best friend!”

Danny scratched his head then calming stated “No your not, Sonny is.”

Don looked up into Danny’s eyes only to see he was being dead serious.

“Look copper, your wasting your time.” Danny had placed enfincous on copper.

“If your going to be like this Danny, at least call me Don” the dark man pleaded

“Fine, Don” Danny started, the name tasting bad in his mouth.

“I am going to say this once, and only once, I am NOT a cop, I am NOT your friend and I am NOT that old coppers lover either!” Danny’s voice was icy cold and eerily calm.

“My ‘lover’ and best friend is Sonny”

Don stood mouth agape; he couldn’t believe what he just heard.

“Sonny? Sonny Sassone?”

This couldn’t be true, Danny just smiled.


Slamming the door shut, glaring at the nurse who was about to protest Don started to stomp down the hallway. Stella grabbed his arm stopping him from pounding his fist into the nearest wall.

“Stella he thinks he’s with Sonny!”

Stella crinkled her nose. “What do you mean with?”

Don glared at her, why was she making his explain this? It was hard enough to hear out of Danny’s mouth. Sighing a little Don ran a hand over his face.

“He told me he was Sonny Sassone’s best friend and lover”

Stella couldn’t believe her ears. “Is that why Mac hasn’t been by again?”
“I’m guessing so.”


Chapter 3: Breaking out the lies

Danny sat propped up on some pillows, bored out of his mind. How many cops were going to come by to try and convince him he was one of them?

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Danny decided he had enough. He was feeling better, not so shaky anymore. Though he still didn’t remember the accident, he had over heard that old copper talking to the doc. something about a car trying to run him down at a crime scene, cops shot the guy after he tried to flee on foot after a high speed chase.

Wouldn’t of happened, maybe he tried to run down a copper but he wasn’t the cop that got run down.

He got out of bed with a plan to go see Sonny, after all he probably would have been by if it wasn’t for all those pigs hanging around.

Walking carefully over to the locker where he figured his stuff should be, he carefully looked inside. Dress shirt and jacket, wife beater, and jeans. Well the jacket and shirt were out. Grabbing the wife beater and jeans he dressed as quickly as he could. Reaching into the gym bag at the bottom of the locker he found his wallet, badge and gun.

Raising his eyebrows Danny opened the wallet to find his name on the id ‘Detective Daniel Messer’ Weird, and after everything he said they left a gun? Sweet!

“Might come in handy” Danny mumbled to himself.

Pulling the bag out he shoved the few toiletries he’s guessing someone brought over for him plus the wallet, badge and gun. Standing up he took a quick glance around the room, nothing else he needed. The cell phone sitting on the side table wouldn’t help; they would probably use it to track him. Danny wasn’t born yesterday. No way was he making it any easier to find him.

With that Danny quietly snuck out of his room and down the hall.


Getting out of the taxi Danny looked up at Sonny’s house. It had changed since the last time he was there. But he was certain it had only been a few days, maybe weeks if the doc was telling the truth, no longer though.

Danny walked up to the door and tried the knob, locked. He didn’t have his keys with him. Oh well he’d just knock.
Bringing his hand up, he settled for ringing the bell instead, waiting patiently Danny hummed a little to himself. When the door opened he jumped into Sonny’s arms pressing his lips to Sonny’s.

Much to Danny’s confusion Sonny pushed him back, “what you doin’ Messer?”

Danny centered himself, and resisted the urge to borrow into Sonny’s arms.

“I know you didn’t come by the hospital cause all the fuzz kept hanging around. Its no problem, I understand. Get this though, they keep saying’ I’m one of them. Like I would ever become a cop” Danny started to laugh but stopped when he saw the expression on Sonny’s face.

Was this some joke, Danny coming here, kissing him like that? Acting like he was still a Tanglewood boy.

“You are a cop Messer.” Sonny spat.

Danny was speechless, now Sonny was going to tell him he switched sides.

“NO!” Danny shouted “I’m NOT a cop, I’m NOT!!! I am a Tanglewood boy, I never left, I couldn’t of”

Dropping to his knees Danny felt like he was going to cry. Sonny picked him up and brought Danny inside. Taking him into the living room Sonny tugged the wife beater of Danny and spun him around.

“Look, see that Danny, its an out date, you left.” Sonny’s words cut through Danny, he couldn’t believe it. Falling once again to the floor Danny began to sob.

“This cant be, they can’t be right. I don’t wanna be a cop; I don’t wanna be that old coppers lover.”

Sonny wasn’t sure what had gotten into Danny, but he said something about being in the hospital.

“Danny you said you was in the hospital?”

“Yeah, I left to see you” Danny sounded so young.

“What happened?” Sonny pulled Danny up and onto his lap.

“Well I over heard that copper telling the doc that a guy tried to run me down at a crime scene, but I don’t think that’s right. They also said I had Traumatic Retrograde Amnesia or something like that, lost 13 years apparently. Last thing I remember is that Yankees game we went to caught the foul ball.” Danny rested his head on Sonny’s shoulder. This felt nice.

Holding Danny close Sonny could remember that day.

“Danny, you were 18 when you caught the foul ball, your now 31”

Danny thought he looked old, felt it too.

“You did lose a lot of time, sorry to break it to ya, but you did leave, and you did become a cop.” Sonny tried not to sound to disgusted, hopefully he could get Danny back now.

“But why? Why did I leave?” The big question, Sonny wasn’t going to tell the truth, no way. Danny would run for the hills he if uttered a word of it. Nope a good old fashion lie would have to do it. After all, how would Danny know he was lying?

“You see, the cops have been kidnapping crew members, not just our crew, been doing it for years. They take you and brainwash you into thinking you want to become one of them.” Pausing to see if Danny was buying it Sonny ran his fingers through Danny’s hair.

“Why was I with the copper then?” Danny asked

“To make sure you stay true to them. I guess this ‘accident’ if that is really what it was, caused you to remember who you really are.”

“You think their was no accident? That what ever they did to brainwash me wore off and they were trying to get me back?” Danny’s voice was shaky as he spoke.

“It’s all about insider information, Danny.” Sonny’s argument made sence, after all why would he of up and left?

Snuggling into Sonny’s touch Danny whispered into Sonny’s ear “Help me forget them, please Sonny.”

‘Sure thing Danny sure thing”


Chapter 4: Lies and Betrayal

“Mac, Danny’s gone.” Stella had barged in while Mac was having a meeting. Having said her piece Stella shut the door and headed back down the hallway to meet the rest of the team.

“We should go by Sonny’s place” Don said out of the blue.

“And what?” Stella asked

“Barge in a take him back, brute force!”

“We don’t know he’s even there” Stella countered

“Oh he’s there Stella, we have a uniform waiting outside his places incase he goes there, which he hasn’t. He told me flat out that he was Sonny’s. Where the hell else would he go?”

They knew Don was right, but what could they do?

“Well we cant just run in guns blazing” Don new Stella was right, it was just hard to take.

Mac walked into the break room, joining his team. “Flack, your with me.” He ordered

“Where we going?” Don asked not fazed at all by Mac’s irritation to being questioned.

“To Sonny’s, I’m getting Danny back.”


Sonny answered the door in a silk house robe, barely tied up. Looking rather disheveled and annoyed at being disturbed.

“What can I do for you Taylor?” Sonny’s voice was thick and held defiance with every word he spoke.

“Where is Danny?” Flack cut in with.

“Danny who?”

“What do you mean Danny who? Your old play toy, now a respected CSI Detective with the NYPD. That Danny” Flack’s voice reeked with impatience.

All Sonny did was raise his eyebrows. Mac was getting angry, real angry.

“Messer, Daniel ‘Danny’ Messer!” as hard as Mac tried his voice didn’t sound nearly as calm as he wanted it to be.

“Oh that Danny, well since he’s such a respected CSI Detective, why would he be with me and not you guys? Seeing as you both are respected Detectives”

Sonny’s grin was cocky as he finished the conversation.
“Now if you two don’t mind I was busy, if you know what I mean.” With that Sonny slammed his door shut.

“He’s got Danny, he’s doing things to him, I just know it Mac!”

“I know” was all Mac could muster up.


Chapter 5: Dirty Little Secret

“Who was there?” Danny asked while stretching out his limbed across the bed.

“No one important”

Sonny slipped his robe off and crawled on the bed with Danny. Sliding his hands up his body as he joined Danny at the top of the bed, Sonny latched his lips to his younger lover’s neck, kissing down wards towards his chest.

Danny began to wither under Sonny’s hands, bucking up into his touch. Running his hand over Danny’s body once more, Sonny reached for the lube and a condom.

Placing a hand over Sonny’s Danny’s voice was deep and passion filled “Bareback”

At Sonny’s raised eyebrow Danny smiled gently “I want to feel you”

Deciding it was better not to argue Sonny tossed the condom to the side.

“Sure thing kid sure thing”

Sonny couldn’t help but thinking how strange it was for Danny to request that. He had always been so big on using protection. Maybe this is cause of Taylor. Sonny tried to still his mind.

He quickly prepared Danny, and lined himself up.


“Always” Danny promised.

Sonny pushed in slowly trying to still his mind once again. This time it was about Danny’s desire for lack of protection but about Danny’s departure from his life the first time. Shaking his head, Sonny stared into Danny’s eyes, hoping they would be enough to keep his focus on his squirming body and out of the depths of his own mind.

-~- Flash Back-~-
Danny had now been with Sonny five years. Here he was 19 years old; his baseball career had just been tossed out the window. Thanks to a broken wrist that wasn’t healing right. Danny felt like crap.

Sonny and the boys thought maybe they could cheer Danny up. Take him over to one of Sonny’s Dad’s bars, get him drunk in one of the backrooms things would look better tomorrow.

Danny just wasn’t interested tonight.

After dragging Danny anyways and getting royally plastered, Sonny figured a little rump would do Danny good. Again Danny just wasn’t in the mood.

Pulling Danny into one of the private rooms Sonny’s Dad kept for when his Mistresses came around, Sonny started to strip Danny down.

Pushing lamely at Sonny Danny said “No” He wasn’t feeling up to getting pounded tonight. He was grumpy, and kind of pissed off with Sonny anyways. After all it was his fault his wrist got broken. If Sonny hadn’t insisted Danny take care of that Pelham Bay Kid he would still be able to play baseball.

Sonny was now getting angry, here he was trying to cheer up Danny, and really he would feel better if he just bent over and took it. Not to worry, Sonny was going to fix it, and in the morning Danny would thank him.

Grabbing Danny by the hair he roughly he tossed him on to the bed. Ripping his jeans from his body Sonny then turned Danny over roughly, causing pain to surge through his wrist.
Forcing himself into Danny’s unprepared body, Sonny pushed his head down into the pillow to muffle Danny’s screams.

The next morning Sonny woke to find Danny had packed up and left. A simple note written on the living room mirror

‘Sonny, don’t come after me. Its over. You even think about confronting me I’ll go to the cops.’

Shortly after leaving Sonny and the Tanglewood Boys Danny applied and was accepted into the Police Academy, Permanently building a wall between Sonny and himself.

-~-End Flashback-~-

Pulling out of Danny, Sonny grabbed a cloth and cleaned them both up. Sliding back into bed Sonny wrapped his arms around Danny and held him close. He wasn’t losing Danny again, No way.


Chapter 6: Who Do You Believe?

Danny awoke feeling warm and safe. He was huddled into a cocoon of quilts, in the middle of Sonny’s king size bed. Danny stretched out across the bed, wiggling his toes as the hit the cool morning air. He sat up letting the quilt fall down around his waist.

Running a hand through his messed up hair Danny looked around the room. Climbing out of bed he found a pair of boxers and jeans laid out for him with a note ‘No shirt, you’re too sexy to hide that body’

Danny smiled as he slid on the boxers and jeans. Heading down stairs Danny could hear familiar voices. Turning a corner, Danny walked into the Living room his eyes meeting Sonny’s almost instantly.

“Hey Danny, how did you sleep?” Sonny’s voice was cheerful, and his face clear and bright.

“Good, a little sore still” Danny’s voice was still thick with sleep and his hair stood right on end, in messy clumps that looked like random spikes.

Patting the seat next to him, Sonny reached out for Danny’s hand.

I told the boys that your back beat the brainwash and everything. Sonny sounded pleased with himself and the boys were acting like Danny had never left.

Feeling satisfied that he was where he should be Danny rested his head on Sonny’s shoulder and let them talk while he rested in the comfort of Sonny’s arms.


Mac and Flack had been pacing back and forth for the last 4 hours, Stella was certain she was going to fall over dizzy if they didn’t sit down.

“STOP!!!” she shouted. Both men stopped abruptly.

“I am going to fall over if you two don’t stop pacing”

Grabbing a seat Flack couldn’t help shouting back “Stella he has Danny!!”

Surprising himself with how calm he managed to sound Mac rested his hand on Flack’s shoulder.

“Don, Stella is right, we need to calm down. We can’t help Danny this way.”


Few knew it but Danny was one hell of a cook. After a good nights rest and napping on the couch Danny felt much better. He figured since Sonny was allowing him back into his life the least he could do was make him a nice dinner as thanks. Sonny always loved Danny’s cooking anyways.

While sorting through tomatoes at one of the local markets a large hand grabbed Danny while another covered his mouth. Since he was still weak from the accident he could barely fight the attacker off.

Finally being released Danny turned to face his attacker, bringing his fists up, ready fight.

“You coppers aint brainwashing me again!” Danny shouted towards Mac and Don.

“Brainwash?” both men simultaneously shouted back, Confusion shown on their faces.

Don was the first to get his voice back a few moments later “You think were hear to brain wash you?”

Danny’s face scrunched up and if Mac didn’t know Danny better he would swear he was high.

“Sonny told me what you coppers have been doing to our crew and other crews”

“Oh and what’s that?” Danny didn’t respond.

“Come on Messer, what have we ‘coppers’ been doing?” Flack bated

“You know!” Danny sounded like he was starting to get frustrated.

“Why don’t you tell us Danny?” Mac’s voice was gentle

“Well you have been kidnapping gang members, brainwashing them to think they want to become coppers” Danny looked like this really freaked him out.

Flack narrowed his eyes and made sure his voice didn’t hold the rough tint to it he had been using a few minutes prior “Why would we do that?”

“Insider Info” Danny didn’t miss a beat.

“How do we make sure you don’t go running back?” Flack coaxed

Turning to glare at Mac Danny’s voice held barely contained anger

“You partner us up with one of you guys, keep us in line”

Mac tried to keep his face neutral; Sonny had all his bases covered. Unfortunately for him, Danny had told Mac why he left Sonny and the Tanglewood Boys all those years ago.

“Danny” Mac began

“We never forced you to join the force, you came to us on your own, and I would never force you to be my lover.”

The way Mac said lover made butterflies dance in Danny’s stomach. When Mac reached out to lower Danny’s hands he didn’t flinch, instead releasing a small sigh as Mac’s skin came into contact with him own.

Leaning in Mac gave Danny plenty of time to move away; when he didn’t Mac gentle pressed his lips to Danny’s. Pulling away Mac whispered “I love you Danny”

Startling not just himself Danny responded to Mac “I love you too Mac”

Taking a chance Mac started to speak again.

“Danny. Haven’t you ever wondered why Sonny never fought to keep you?”

Danny froze, and then became defensive of Sonny.

“He loves me, I know he loves me” Danny’s voice had an edge to it now.

“I never said he didn’t, but if he does love you like he says he does, why not fight to keep you?”

Mac let his words sink in, watching Danny’s face crinkle and pain flash through Danny’s eyes.

“Why didn’t he?” Danny asked, looked up into Mac’s eyes, begging him to take his pain away.

“This is going to be hard to hear Danny” Mac warned

Danny only nodded.

“One night after getting drunk, Sonny raped you. The next day you left him and the Tanglewood Boys. Later joining the academy.”

Flinging backwards Danny couldn’t believe his ears.

“You’re lying!” He screamed into Macs face, pushing Mac away and trying to run.

“Ask him Danny” Flack coaxed “Just ask him”

Danny shook his head violently falling to the ground, dragging Mac with him. Pulling Danny into his arms Mac tried to sooth Danny’s nerves.

“How do you feel Danny?” Mac gentle questioned

“What.. What do you mean?”

“In my arms, how do you feel right now?” Mac’s voice was soft and filled with love.

“Safe” Danny said

“I feel Safe”


Chapter 7: Confronting Sonny

Mac and Don had left Danny hoping that they had gotten through to him. They would just have to wait and see.

After being confronted by Mac and Don, Danny headed back to finish his shopping. Later that night he’d talk to Sonny, for now he had a lot of his mind.

He believed Sonny, he loved Sonny. He had roots with him, they grew up together. Sonny was his first kiss, first love, first everything really. Sonny had kept him relatively safe, and mostly out of trouble. When Sonny had asked that he join Tanglewood, he didn’t think twice. He was Sonny’s boy.

But, he also believes Mac. He may not have the roots he has with Sonny, but he has mutual respect and trust. He can tell Mac is an honorable man. Something he admires. He feels love towards him, slowly becoming stronger then the love he feels for Sonny. He can remember lazy Sunday mornings, cuddling together, slow gentle kisses and long deep talks.

How can he love them both? How can he believe them both? Sonny is what he grew up with, who he was supposed to be with. He was Mob, he should still be Mob. Mac’s a cop, Danny gets the feeling though, that Mac is more then just a cop. He doesn’t think Mac has ever had a criminal thought in his life. So why does he want some mobbed up kid? Even if he is a cop now, Danny came from the mob.

All this thinking was giving Danny a headache.


Sonny returned home just as Danny finished making dinner. They sat in relative silence as they ate, Danny barely making eye contact with Sonny.

Soon as he was done eating Danny got up and began to clean up. Sonny tried to help him out but got pushed out of the kitchen.

Once Danny was done he went to head up stairs, he was tired, confused and upset. Sonny wouldn’t see it. Danny was upset and he wanted to know why.

Pulling Danny over to the couch, Sonny asked him what was wrong. Danny wouldn’t answer, instead staring at the carpet like it held the meaning of life.

Sonny lifted Danny chin, and asked once more. This was ridiculous, Danny should just tell him.

“You, um, you…” Danny couldn’t form the words.

“I?” Sonny was slightly confused, had he done something to offend Danny? He seemed so happy this morning.

“You raped me.” Their he said it. He got it out.

Sonny was startled this wasn’t what he was expecting. Rather then deny it he opted for the truth for once.

“I was trying to cheer you up, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was drunk.”

Danny looked over at Sonny.

“Danny you got to believe me, I love you so much” Sonny put all the sincerity he could muster into his voice. He wasn’t losing Danny over this.

‘I do believe you” Danny softly spoke.

“But I cant do this”

“Cant do what?” Sonny shouted

“Live a life of no worries, eat fine food, and have a man that loves you more then life it self come home to you every night?”

Sonny couldn’t believe he was about to lose Danny again.

“Sonny, you lied to me.”

“How could I tell you the truth? Huh? Would you have come in?”

Danny shook his head.

“How could I send you back to them?”

Danny was no longer seeing what was terrible about the cops. It was all slipping away. His desire to be a Tanglewood Boy, his love towards Sonny, he was regaining his memories, slowly. He was becoming himself again.

Danny stood up and began walking up the stairs to Sonny’s room. Gathering his stuff, Danny tried to keep his eyes off of Sonny.

Once done, he began to leave only to have Sonny roughly grab his arm.

“Don’t do this Messer, you’ll regret it!” Sonny’s eyes were dark and held a dangerous tint to them.

“If you truly love me, you’ll let me go”

Sonny couldn’t bare to hurt him, instead he dropped Danny’s arm and watch him walk out of his life once again.


Chapter 8: Back for good

Mac was still at the lab. He could bare to go home to an empty apartment, filled with reminders of Danny. So here he sat, half propped up on his elbow trying hard not to fall asleep at his desk. Just as his eyes began to close he felt a strange presence. Lifting his head to see who was watching him he noticed a figure at the door of his office. Standing up Mac cleared his throat before he spoke.

“Can I help you?” he asked

Stepping into the light more Danny just smiled. Moving over to where Danny stood Mac rubbed his hands up Danny’s arms, bringing his hands up to cup his face.

“Is this really you Danny?”
Leaning forward Danny captured Mac’s lips in a searing kiss.

“Take me home Mac, Take me home”


Waking up Mac found it strange that he was in his own bed. Almost certain he had fallen asleep at the lab Mac turned over to find Danny curled up in his usual fashion beside him.
Reaching over to run his fingers through Danny’s soft hair Mac was shocked to find he actually had Danny there.

“I came home Mac” Danny’s voice cut through the silence.

“For good?” Mac didn’t want to be too optimistic.

“For good.”

The End.