Title: A Little Warmth
By: Gregisamazing
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: PG
Summary: Loving someone gives you a little warmth that can never be replaced.

It’s a dull ache in his chest that makes sure he doesn’t forget; makes sure he remembers every moment with excruciating detail, makes sure he never forgives himself for what happened.
 
Some time, long before the pain had settled within the centre of his being, there had been warmth. It wasn’t a malicious heat that could burn your insides, on the contrary it was pleasant and warm- just like a summer’s evening. He liked that sensation; the one made his heart beat erratically, the one that made the breath hitch in the back of his throat, the one that made even the darkest moments somehow more bearable.
 
He’d enjoyed the moments where he’d ignored rational thought, where he’d just followed his senses and let the warmth envelop him. He’d revelled in that intense bliss and the feeling that what was happening was so right…
 
Even though to some, it was so wrong.
 
That’s possibly what made it feel better, so close to ecstasy because it wasn’t something he should want. But still he did and he couldn’t deny himself because it was within reach and how could he deny something so…earth-shattering?
 
Now, it was within reach, but he couldn’t touch. He couldn’t run his hand through the unruly locks or along the exposed forearm. That privilege had been revoked; along with the warmth and the thrills and every other benefit that had come along with the territory. It was someone else’s job to ravish that body and protect it from the outside world.
 
And it was someone else’s job to dissipate the ache in his chest once more.
 
What had possessed him to let go? How much stupidity did it take to convince him that it could all be replaced? Why was he living to regret it?
 
Simple answers, idiotic answers that no longer really made any sense within his mind but had done just two weeks before. The force that had possessed him was his family; the thought of disgracing them all with his primal urges that could somehow be quelled. The amount of stupidity was un-comprehendible, thoughts that had no way to escape their confines and had somehow created a vortex where all rationality just disappeared into.
 
And the reason he was living to regret it was simply because no one else could make him feel that way. No one else could make his pulse soar with just one glance, no one else could make him feel giddy and no one else could make him never want to leave his bed.
 
“Hey Nicky, are you okay? You seem a little distracted.”
 
That’s what they all were saying, all asking. But how could he be when he just felt cold and alone? How could he be focused when only a few metres away the person he longed to have back was flirting with the new tech?
 
“I’m fine.”
 
Simply a growl because he just wanted to go over there and stake his claim and make that technician knew whose territory he was crossing. He wanted to go over and make them all see that he wanted, no needed, him back.
 
He was staring; in fact he was glaring to make his presence known. He couldn’t help the fact that he hated anyone looking interested, or anyone making a move into what he’d still consider as his… Perhaps if he only admitted to himself and then to everyone else, that he made a stupid mistake, that he’d panicked and he’d ruined the best thing in his life… Maybe only then they could start again and chase the ache away.
 
That’s when he met his gaze; the deep chocolate irises that were the ones he’d seen so much in. He’d seen love and passion, happiness and delight. But right now, he could see the sorrow and the heartbreak he’d caused and somewhere he could see the hope that they still stood a chance.
 
And Nick just looked away because he couldn’t do it all again.