Title: I Just Want You To Know Who I Am
By: Serenity
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Summary: How can Nick make Greg understand that he's not ready to face the world?
Disclaimer: I don't own Nick, Greg or The Goo Goo Dolls.

I Just Want You To Know Who I Am

He groaned and squirmed as Greg sucked and teased him, hips bucking wildly, his face flushed and damp with sweat. He loved when Greg took him in his mouth with such unashamed eagerness, controlling his pleasure until he begged for release. "Oh yes, God yes." he whimpered, grabbing a fistful of blond hair. "Harder. Fuck. Fuck!" Starbursts danced before his eyes as Greg swallowed hard and drank him down. Snaking up Nick's body, he kissed him forcefully, letting him taste the salty bitterness on his tongue. "You're so hot" he growled. "Right back atcha" Nick panted, pulling his white boxer briefs back up over his tanned muscular thighs.

Stretching languidly, he got up off the bed and walked to the bathroom. "I'm just going to grab a shower and then we can eat, OK? I thought I'd order Chinese, and we can watch that DVD you brought." Greg nodded his agreement and wandered into the living room, pulling on one of Nick‘s t-shirts. They had secretly been seeing each other for 2 months now and time alone to relax and enjoy being together was rare and precious. It was still early days and no declarations had been made, but Greg had fallen completely in love. He just hoped Nick felt the same.

After 10 minutes, Nick emerged from the steamy bathroom to find Greg on his cell phone, chatting to someone. "Hey, are you ordering the food?" he whispered. Greg shook his head and went back to his conversation. "Yeah that's fine Grissom. He's out now, do you want to speak to him yourself? OK, see you later then." He pressed the end call button and set the phone down. "Grissom wants you in a few hours early tonight, OK?"

Nick was puzzled. "Why did he phone you?" Greg walked over to him and lightly traced the water dripping over his chest and down to the soft white towel wrapped around his waist. He moved closer and pressed his body against the Texan's defined torso, his clothes dampening. "He didn't, that was your phone. You didn't hear it so I answered it for you."

Nick grabbed Greg by the arms and pushed him back to look him in the face. "And you told him I was in the shower? Are you crazy? How could you do that to me Greg! Now he's going to wonder why you're here and I'm in the shower, it's not going to take him long to figure it out! Of all the people to call, why did it have to be him! And why the hell did you answer?" He pushed Greg away and stormed to the bedroom to get dressed. Greg followed him and stood in the doorway.

"For your information, I just told him you were in the bathroom. What do you take me for? I know you don't want anyone to know we're screwing. Although I don‘t see why it‘s such a big deal."

Nick's face was still contorted with anger. "I think it would be better if you didn't come over here for a while, just in case. We should cool it and let the dust settle." He looked up at Greg and pointed a finger. "You need to be more careful."

Greg was incensed. "Why Nick? Why should we have to be so careful? Why can't we just be together and not care if anyone knows? Why are you so worried that someone finds out?" Suddenly recognition dawned on his face. "It's me, isn't it? If you don't want to be with me at least just have the balls to say so!" He stormed into the bedroom and began to stuff his things into a bag. Nick turned, wincing at the anger in his lovers voice. "Greg please listen to me. I do want to be with you." He grabbed Greg's arm and spun him round. "Look at me Greg. I want us to be together. But I can‘t tell people I‘m gay. That‘s just the way it is. You have to accept that."

Greg wrenched his arm away and walked to the bathroom to get his toothbrush. "You want to be with me?" His voice had taken on an unnaturally high pitch. "You sure as hell have a funny way of showing it." Zipping up the bag, he pushed past Nick, almost knocking him over. "Greg, please, don't go." he begged. "We need to talk about this, let me explain, please!"

"What's to explain? You're obviously ashamed of me. Nice to know!" Grabbing his jacket, he made towards the door. "I'm going to make this real easy on you Nick. Now you don‘t have any reason to be ashamed." He slammed the door behind him so forcefully that the house seemed to shake.

"Greg!" Nick cried out, but to no avail. He was gone. And Nick didn't think he was coming back.

It had been three days since the argument. Greg had been civil to Nick at work, but they had been on different cases so they had managed to avoid each other mostly. Nick was lonelier than he ever thought possible. He missed Greg, he needed to find a way to make him understand that what they had wasn't just sex, he loved him, even though he wasn't ready to face the world with that fact.

Greg was asleep on the couch when he heard his buzzer sound. A courier was waiting with a small thin package. He signed for it and hastily ripped open the envelope. Inside was a CD and a note that simply said ‘Please Listen'. Greg recognised Nick's handwriting straight away. He considered throwing the CD in the trash, but curiosity got the better of him and he placed it in his stereo. Suddenly a beautiful intro filled the room and Greg couldn't help but smile. He loved this song. He lay back and let the lyrics wash over him.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

As it finished, Greg realised he was sobbing gently. Nick had chosen a song that represented everything that had remained unspoken between them. In a crashing moment of clarity he realised that he was being unfair, pushing Nick to come out when he obviously wasn't ready. Nick loved him and wanted him and that was all that mattered. Tentatively, he picked up the phone.

"Hey Nick. No, baby, I'm the one who's sorry. Listen, I know you want to avoid your place for a while, so how about you come over here and we make up for lost time? Yeah I know…. I love you too. Nick, however long it takes you, I'll be here. Because you're worth waiting for."