Title: Zippity Doo Dah
Author: Dee
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 907
Pairings: Gil/Nick
Characters: Gil Grissom, Nick Stokes and the usual suspects
Warnings: None
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: In my dreams they are like, totally mine!
Beta: jayceepat and podga for their invaluable help in the Americanisation of the fic and their insightful comments. I thank high_striker for his wonderful icons. I am indebted to them all. Any errors are mine.
A/N: A little light relief!


Gil walked, quickly, along the corridor; he was annoyed, he’d got work coming out of every orifice. ‘Time was of the essence’ - and every other metaphor he could bring to mind. He made his way to the break room and opening the door was quite amazed that the room was quiet. Catherine, Warrick, Sara, Greg and of course, Nick, were all quietly eating or reading, or both.

They all looked up as he entered. Catherine thought he looked annoyed and Sara thought he looked tired. Warrick thought he looked pissed and Greg thought he looked as if he was going to pick on him.

Nick smiled a sweet smile at his lover.

“Nick; I’ve got a problem here and need your help.”

“What’s wrong?”

“My zip’s broken, or stuck, or both. I can’t get it up.”

“As long as it’s only the zip you can’t get up; let me take a look.”

Gil chuckled at him. “It’s only my zip.”

“Oh God, TMI.”

Warrick was incredulous at Grissom’s response and actually with Nick’s comment too; they’d been a couple for, what, two years, and he’d never heard either man utter one word, nor do one action that was suggestive. Not one. And now, in the space of two or three seconds they’d nearly burst his ear drums.

Catherine thought it was very funny and laughed out loud.

Greg was stunned; he’d secretly harboured a vision of an asexual relationship. Like Warrick, he’d never seen or heard anything that even remotely convinced him that the two men actually indulged in any sexual activities. His hypothesis had just been cruelly shattered.

Sara was disgusted. Making filthy innuendos at work. She wondered if it amounted to sexual harassment. Although, she considered, ‘to whom’, would it apply?

Nick had taken an extremely provocative position on both knees and such was their relative size that he was comfortably eyeball to crotch with Gil. He pushed his fingers inside the open fly and fiddled around to see if he could feel what might have happened to the zip. He then leaned in, really close, to look inside, still keeping the fly open with his fingers. Gil watched him with a bemused expression, his previous annoyance completely forgotten.

“I don’t think it’s broken. I think the flap of material inside is stuck in it and as you’ve tugged at it, it’s stuck fast.”

“Can you fix it?”

“I’ll try.”

“If you can’t I can always sew it up, to prevent anything popping out, as it were.”

“Thanks Catherine. That’s really helpful; do you really think that any time this side of the next millennium I’ll let you get within an arms length of my genitals?”

“I was trying to be helpful.”

“I appreciate your helpfulness.”

“Thank you.”

“A guy at college zipped up this one time, he was commando, and caught his…errr… dick…in the zip - made it bleed.” Greg offered up his little titbit.

There wasn’t a man in the room (including Greg) that didn’t have an involuntary twinge at that prospect. Grissom’s knees made an almost imperceptible twitch. Due to his proximity, it was not lost on Nick, who sniggered and looked up.

“Don’t worry, I would kiss it better.”

“Oh, God, that is way too much…”

“That’s a kind offer Nicky. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You see, Warrick, it’s at times like this you find out just who your friends are.”

“Hey! I’m more than a friend and if you think for one minute that just anyone can kiss your…you…better, think again.”

“Don’t worry; I think it’s a forgone conclusion that there isn’t another man in this room who’d oblige…not that I would want anyone else to do it anyway, of course.”

“Hey, what about the women?”

“I’m gay, Catherine, why would I want a woman to do the kissing? Or sewing?”

“Good point. But didn’t you used to say you were bi?”

“I did; but I think it’s a fairly safe assumption, based on the evidence, of course, that I’m gay.”

“There. Done!” Nick was triumphant as the zip glided up and closed the fly.

“Good job, Nick. Although I thought you might have taken a little longer.”

“I could test drive the zip a few times…make sure it’s working properly.”

“Please don’t, my eyes are going to start bleeding.”

“Warrick you sure are a drama queen, you could be gay.”

“Noooo. I mean, no offence to you guys but I like…you know.”

“We get the picture. No threesomes then?”

“GIL! I am not sharing you with anyone.”

“It was a joke, Nicky.”

“Sooo not funny.” A petulant Nick rose to his feet in a smooth manoeuvre.

“Sorry sweetheart.”

Before anyone in the room could respond to the endearment that Gil had called Nick, Gil put a hand on Nick’s shoulder, leaned forward and placed a quick, chaste kiss on Nick’s lips.

He then left the room, his trousers mended and his genitalia safely out of harms way.

The occupants of the room remained in silence in exactly the same place as they’d been; even Nick. It was like a tableau; then they all spoke at once.

“The apocalypse is upon us…..”

“…exposed to some toxins maybe…..”

“…Area 51. Has he been….?”

“…it’s disgusting, we’re in work.”

“Mmmm, I wonder….” Nick mumbled as he left the room. He wandered off, wondering if he really should test drive the zip…you never could be too careful……..

The End