Title: From Across The Room.
Author: twisted_badger
Pairing: Cath/Sara
Fandom: CSI
Rating: i'm thinking G or PG.
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: i own nothing... nothing at all.
Challenge: None
Summary: Sara's not happy. Catherine is. Not a happy fic. Sara POV
AN: I wanna know where this came from... mah.

***

I don’t care what they say I don’t want her to be happy.
Not with him
Not today.

Her smile from across the room makes your knees go weak. That’s all it takes. All it’s ever taken.

You’re angry though. Not at him…

Maybe at him.

But not at her.

You don’t care that’s she’s happy, because she’s not happy for you and the smiles so long only yours are now for him.

You know you should want her to be happy above all else, want it to work out for her, all because you love her.

It’s not that easy.

You want her to be happy with you, you want to tuck Lindsey in with her every night and you want to hold her hand as you walk to the office in the morning. You want to wake up to her lips. To that beautiful smile, you lost so easily.

You hold your coffee up to your lips, letting the warm steam float up into your gaze.

You wonder if you cried would anyone notice… or care why.

You don’t think so.

They don’t like dealing with bad emotions here.

Maybe you’re just being cynical because you’re in such a bad mood but they don’t
seem like your friends.

Not really.

You sip your coffee and it burns your lip. Just a little bit.

Enough that even after you lick away the coffee you can feel it.

Catherine was like that.

You could still feel her on your lips; still feel her fire, her spirit on you.

She leans into him and you feel like your insides crumble in on them selves.

His hand runs up from her wait and to her stomach absently as he talk.

You wonder how you’re going to stand up.

You know you should move on, think of other things, think of other people.

But after her dominating your thoughts for so long how can you do that?

You hear her voice waft above the rest of the room, it makes you feel safe and you know you’d know it anywhere.

It’s not fair, you shouldn’t be able to love someone this much. So much it hurts.

Not when they don’t love you back.

***