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Title: The Man With Everything
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***He was a man who had everything, so some people thought.
Hannibal couldn't help smiling wryly at that, resting his chin in his hand as he sat at his desk. No, he certainly did not have everything. He didn't even come close to that.
What he wanted most was what he knew that he couldn't have -- Will Graham in his arms, in his bed, in his heart. Will Graham as his lover.
That was what he had wanted ever since he'd first laid eyes on the handsome young man. He hadn't been able to get Will out of his mind since then; it was as though the other man had taken up permanent residence there, as if he belonged in Hannibal's mind.
He could always see Will in his mind's eye, staring back at him with those impossible blue eyes, seeing much more deeply into his soul than Hannibal was comfortable with.
How was it that he could know just how dangerous Will was for him -- yet he could still want this young man with all of the hunger his soul was capable of feeling?
Will could bring his whole world tumbling down around him.
If he pursued Will, then the two of them would grow close. And once they did, then Will would start looking into aspects of his life that he would rather keep private.
He already realized beyond a shadow of a doubt that Will was not someone he could convert to his way of life. The younger man had a far too developed code of ethics.
Yes, Will might kill in self-defense, or to save an innocent person. But he would not kill simply for the pure animal delight that Hannibal took in killing. That was only one of the ways in which they were fundamentally different -- and it was a barrier that Hannibal knew he couldn't cross.
Would it stand in the way of his having Will? Yes, if he was perfectly honest with himself, it would. Because Will would never give himself fully to someone he didn't trust.
Hannibal knew that if he tried to keep pockets of his life secret, Will would become suspicious sooner or later. And once he began to look into Hannibal's life, he would see too much.
Hannibal couldn't afford to let that happen.
Yet he couldn't bring himself to think about disposing of Will. A light would go out of his life if he did -- and then, he would have nothing to brighten his existence.
Life without Will was unthinkable. That wouldn't feel like much of a life; it would merely be an existence, as time plodded onwards, without any real happiness. Will had given him the only happiness he'd known since he was a child, and he wouldn't let go of it without a struggle.
If he let Will slip away from him, then he would truly have nothing. He might look like a man who had it all, but his life would be empty, void of meaning.
He had been dangerously close to that point before he had met Will, but his first sight of this young man had made him feel renewed, revitalized, surging with new hope.
He hadn't felt like that in years -- perhaps even in decades. Everything in life seemed to have lost its appeal; he kept on, of course, as he had no wish to end his existence. But nothing had any light; everything around him had felt dark and meaningless, until Will had burst into his life.
Will was like a shining comet, a zephyr, a soft breeze that had wafted past and enticed him and then surrounded him with the promise of all that he could possibly want.
He wasn't going to give that up. He couldn't. Not now.
Will had become too much a part of the fabric of his life to simply turn his back and walk away, or to pretend that he wanted nothing more than friendship.
His desire for Will went far beyond merely being friends. He wanted the young man in his bed, in his arms, a part of his life in more than just a casual way.
Giving up his relationship with Will, though it was as yet unformed into anything more than a rather uneasy friendship, was an impossibility for him. He refused to even countenance it. The thought of what his existence would be like with Will was .... well, frightening.
The world already thought of him as a monster -- and he knew that Will did, too. What would he become if Will was no longer here to appeal to the finer side of his nature?
Hannibal couldn't suppress a shudder. Outwardly, he might look as though he had everything -- but in reality, without Will, he had very little. Certainly nothing that mattered much to him.
At least, that was how he saw it. Without Will, he would be destitute.
He wasn't going to lead that sort of life, bereft of all that meant anything to him, growing further and further away from what little there was that still made him human.
He was all too aware of the fact that before the advent of Will in his life, he had been growing away from his own humanity at a rapid rate. He wanted that to stop.
Would it be worth the consequences to stop his secret life, to become someone completely different? Hannibal tilted his head to the side, closing his eyes and considering that possibility. Savoring it. The thought was tempting, seductive. A life without killing. A life with Will.
Was he capable of that life? He didn't know, and he wasn't sure that he was ready to find out. That thought would have to put aside for now. It was too complex, too entangled.
Still, it did bear thinking about. Perhaps, someday, in the future, when he had a more firm grip on his burgeoning relationship with Will, he could consider it.
Perhaps he could even do it. But for now, it wasn't possible.
All he knew was that at the moment, in the here and now, without Will, he had nothing. And he was a man who wanted everything that he could possibly have.
Even though pursuing a relationship with Will would be dangerous for him, Hannibal knew that he would keep doing so. This was something he wanted. Something he needed.
After all, he was considered the man who had everything.
And he always -- always -- got what he wanted.
No matter what he might have to do to get it.
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