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Title: Gone Too Far
Pairing: Will Graham/Lee Fallon
Fandom: Hannibal/The Big C
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Will Graham or Lee Fallon, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
"I'm sorry, Lee. It's gone too far."
"Wh-what do you mean?" Lee stared at his doctor, his eyes wide. He felt as though an icy hand had reached into his chest and was squeezing his heart.
Was the man telling him to give up? Was that the message he was trying to get across? Was it too late for himself and Will, for the dreams they had of their future?
"I mean that it's too late for this trial to work well for you," the doctor told him, his voice sympathetic but succinct. "There's another trial starting in a week's time, here in the same city. I think that one could work better for you, Lee. But this one isn't going to do you any good at this point."
A wave of relief washed over him; the doctor wasn't telling him that he was going to die, that there was no hope. He wasn't pronouncing a death sentence on him.
But he was dying, wasn't he? It was by slow degrees, and he kept telling himself to fight, that he had a good chance of survival .... still, he wasn't winning the fight.
He was getting weaker, slowly but surely.
He hadn't been able to bring himself to tell Will that. He hadn't wanted his fiancÚ to know that he wasn't going to win this fight, that their dreams would be cut short.
How did he tell Will something like that? How did he tell the man he loved that they more than likely wouldn't have the lifetime together that they talked about every day, the life that they planned for so joyously? He couldn't make himself crush Will so brutally.
And really, there was no need to, was there? Not as long as his doctors thought that there was some treatment out there that could work for him and send his cancer into remission.
He wasn't going to stop fighting. Not now. He had too much to live for.
He had a life ahead of him to be spent with the man he loved. Just because this treatment no longer seemed to be working for him didn't mean that he should give up.
Lee took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He couldn't quit. If he did, then he would be giving up on Will, on the future that they'd planned to spend together.
He couldn't give up on the man he loved. If he quit fighting now, then he would be a coward, turning away from a fight that there was a good chance he could win. He wasn't fighting alone now. He had Will by his side, and they had friends who were on their side.
Giving up would be turning away from a life that he desperately wanted, a life that he knew could be a good one. He couldn't take the coward's way out and give in to despair.
How many times had he told himself in the past that he had to keep fighting, when he didn't have nearly as much to fight for as he did now? This wasn't the time to give in.
"Lee, the cancer has gone too far for this particular treatment, but that doesn't mean that you've run out of options," the doctor was saying. "You can't give up the fight. I know that you've recently gotten engaged, and I'm sure that he wouldn't want you to give up, either."
Lee smiled a little at that thought. "You seem to be thinking of the exact same thing I am," he said, his voice soft as he thought of Will. "No, he wouldn't want me to do that."
"Then don't." The doctor's voice was soft, too; he put out a hand to touch Lee's shoulder, squeezing it gently. "There's still hope, Lee. This next treatment may be the one that works."
Lee nodded, trying to rearrange his thoughts into positivity.
So this treatment hadn't worked. Not all of them worked for everyone. He'd been let down often enough in the past to know that he shouldn't have expected miracles.
Maybe the next one would be the treatment that worked for him. He had so much to live for now; he had to keep on going, to stay positive and believe that he would beat this disease. A lot of people did; he could be one of those people who was a cancer survivor.
This wasn't a death sentence. He didn't have to feel that any setback was a lethal one. He just had to keep on going, take that next step and not give up hope.
He had to that for Will, as well as for himself.
He had Will to think of now. He couldn't just think of his own disappointment; he had to keep himself positive for his lover's sake. He couldn't sink into despair and let Will down.
When he had first come here, he'd thought that he was fighting a losing battle. Then he had met Will, and hope had flared anew in him. He had to hold on to that hope.
Giving up now would just mean throwing away all that he'd worked for, all the fighting that he'd done in the past. He couldn't give in, not when he had so much to look forward to. There was still a life ahead of him; he just had to stay positive and fight for that life.
Didn't he have the right to happiness, just as anyone who wasn't plagued with a disease like the one he had? Didn't he have a right to expect more from life than just waiting for it to end?
Lee squared his shoulders, pushing the depression that loomed over his head away from him. He wouldn't let himself get depressed. That would only be counterproductive.
He would keep fighting. He wouldn't let himself lay down and die.
He stood up, managing a smile as he faced the doctor. "The cancer might have gone too far for this treatment to have worked, but the next one will get it."
"That's the spirit, Lee." The doctor sounded relieved as he walked Lee to the door, clapping him on the shoulder once again. "We'll get the paperwork started to get you into the other treatment program. I have high hopes that it will work for you, and that you'll beat this disease once and for all."
"I hope so," Lee said as he left the office, his smile disappearing as he headed out to his car and got in, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the headrest.
If this treatment hadn't worked, how could he expect the next one to be successful?
He took one deep breath, then another. He wasn't going to let himself get down and depressed. That would only lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, and he'd promised himself to stay positive.
Putting on his seat belt, he put the car into gear and backed out of the parking space, wondering what he was going to tell Will when they both got home tonight.
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