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Title: Irrevocably Changed
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Will Graham/Matthew Brown
Fandom: Hannibal
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Will Graham or Lee Fallon, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Did he look any different to the people around him?

Will didn't think so, but he felt different. Everything seemed to have changed; nothing looked or felt quite the same as it had before last night.

Colors seemed brighter; sounds were louder. He felt as though he was floating in a kind of sensual haze, even though it was long after he and Matthew had been together.

Could anyone tell that he had been irrevocably changed by his first sexual encounter? Will didn't think so; he changed wasn't outwardly apparent. Even Chilton, with his sharp eyes that sometimes seemed to see everything, had noticed that there was a difference about him.

Of course, he was careful to hide that difference from Chilton. He didn't make eye contact with the other man when they spoke, and his answers to questions were his usual monosyllables.

No, Chilton wouldn't be able to discern any difference. No one could. He kept that difference hidden within himself, only taking it out to look at it when he knew that he was alone.

Of course, he was never alone in here, Will thought a bit sourly.

Even when he was in his cell, he was being spied on. Chilton had cameras everywhere, which was why Matthew had to be so careful about coming to him.

Of course, those cameras malfunctioned quite a lot. But in the daytime, when there were people around, and even in the evening hours, those problems were quickly fixed.

It was only in the dead of night, when Matthew had come to him last night, that things like malfunctioning cameras could be explained away. Chilton wouldn't suspect that he was entertaining a lover in his cell in the middle of the night. He would think that Will was sleeping, like everyone else.

But he hadn't been sleeping. He had been with Matthew last night. He had lost his virginity -- and it had been the most incredible experience of his entire life.

It still seemed as though it had all been a dream.

Will knew that it hadn't been a dream. His body told him that. He could still feel the soreness, even hours after Matthew had left him alone in his cell to think about all that had happened between them and relieve it over and over again before he had finally fallen asleep.

That soreness was welcome; it told him that he hadn't just dreamed it all, that having sex with Matthew hadn't just been a figment of his fevered imagination.

No, not a fever any longer, he told himself. That had been taken care of. The encephalitis was gone; he was no longer in any danger from that.

The danger now wasn't losing his mind, but losing his heart. That was what the momentous change in him was; it wasn't just that he had given away his virginity, it was that he was in imminent danger of letting himself fall for someone who, more than likely, didn't feel the same way about him.

Matthew wanted him. That was more than obvious.

But was it just lust on Matthew's part, or was it something more? There was no way of knowing, not unless he asked the other man that question point-blank.

He wasn't ready to ask that question yet, and he wondered if he ever would be. By the time he had gathered enough strength to be able to put it into words, their affair would probably be long over, and Matthew would have moved on to someone else. He had to face that fact.

But what if this wasn't just a lustful attraction on Matthew's part? What if he cared for Will, and they could make a life together once he finally got out of this place?

If he got out of here, Will thought with a soft sigh. That might never happen. At the moment, it looked as though he might end up getting the death penalty.

Thanks to Hannibal, and good frame-up job he'd done.

Anger coursed through him at the thought; that bastard had managed to tie up all the loose ends, hadn't he? There was no way that Will could prove he was innocent.

Hannibal had thought of everything. Will was neatly trapped in a corner, like a mouse running through a maze that was inescapable, no matter which way he turned.

Matthew was a light in the darkness, the one thing that he could hold on to. Now that he had gotten a grip, he wasn't going to let go. He was going to fight to keep Matthew in his life, and if his life had to end here, then he was going to take all of the happiness that he could get while he still had the chance.

Will swallowed hard, closing his eyes. He wanted to believe that there was a life ahead for the two of them, that he would get out of here, and that they had a future.

Could he afford to think like that? Was it a possibility? Or would it be better to accept that he might very well die here, and that all of his dreams would go unfulfilled?

No, not all of them. There was one dream that Matthew had made come true.

He had wanted to be loved, to have a lover. And now, because of Matthew, that dream had become a reality -- and he had been changed in so many ways because of it.

Matthew had already given him so much. Could he ask for more? Did he have that right? He sighed again, slumping back against the wall behind the bed. Could he ask Matthew to put faith and trust in him, to believe along with him that more could come of this than what they already had?

Would Matthew even want to do that? Or was he only looking at this as a seduction, something that was pleasant for the moment, but wouldn't last for very long?

He had to know the answer to that question.

Had Matthew been changed in the same ways that he had? It was a burning question, one that he knew would eat away at him until he had the answer from Matthew himself.

And the only way to get that answer was to ask. He had no choice in the matter. He had to know, and he had to face the answer, whatever it might be. Even if it broke his heart into tiny shards, it was something that he had to hear. He'd have to get Matthew to talk to him about it.

Would they be able to simply talk, rather than sating themselves with each other, in the little time that they had to be together? Will wasn't at all sure that they could.

Still, he'd have to manage it. He couldn't just ignore the issue.

if he did, then it would sink into his soul, and it would start to affect him in more ways than just wondering about what their future might be. It could change him in even more ways.

He wasn't going to let himself sink into depression. He wasn't going to let himself keep wondering. He was going to talk to Matthew, to pose the question to him the first chance he got.

It remained to be seen what the answer would be.

And just how much more than answer would change him, for better or worse.

***