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Title: Giving In To Madness
Pairing: Will Graham/Matthew Brown
Prompt: #581, Mad/madness
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Will Graham or Lee Fallon, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***What was he thinking? This was madness.
If Matthew came to him tonight, they'd be discovered. Maybe not tonight, but at some point, Chilton would know what was happening. Matthew couldn't hide what he was doing forever.
Will wanted Matthew to come to him, but he knew that his was horribly dangerous for both of them. Especially for the man who would be his lover.
Matthew could end up getting fired. Not only that, but he could be taken to court and prosecuted. There was no telling what Chilton would try to do to him, but at the moment, he wasn't thinking about that. The risks seemed to be mostly on Matthew's side of the fence.
But this could get him into hot water, too. Would he be put in solitary confinement, even more than he was now, if it was discovered that he had a lover?
Maybe he and Matthew wouldn't become lovers tonight. Maybe Matthew would just undress him and look at him. It might be no more than that. There might not be any physical contact between them.
Will almost wanted to snort aloud at that thought. Who was he trying to kid?
Of course there would be physical contact, because it was what they both wanted. Neither of them intended to just look. They would touch -- amongst other things.
WIll was sure that he would lose his virginity tonight -- and a part of him wanted that to happen. Another part of him was terrified by the thought, cringing away from it.
There was no sense in being afraid of what could happen, he told himself firmly, trying to bolster his courage. He had told Matthew that he wanted this, and he did. He couldn't just back out now and say that he'd changed his mind. That was the action of a coward.
Besides, Matthew might not accept that answer even if he gave it. He had the power here; he could very well force Will into doing whatever he wanted to do.
Will sighed softly, running one hand through his hair. He didn't think that would happen. Matthew might want him, but not enough to risk his job by attempting to force him.
No, there would be no force used. Will was sure of that.
His breath caught in his throat as he heard quiet footsteps on the concrete floor; that had to be Matthew, heading this way. He was going to turn off the cameras, unlock the cell.
Will hoped that he'd also turn off the microphones that Chilton seemed to have everywhere; it wouldn't be enough that they couldn't be seen. They couldn't be heard, either.
If they were heard, then it wouldn't matter whether or not they'd been seen -- Chilton's prurient mind would come up with all the images he needed. They would probably be even more decadent than anything he and Matthew could do together, Will thought with a grimace.
He didn't want to get caught, but at the same time, a part of him wanted to throw caution to the winds and take risks, to abandon himself to the moment and whatever came of it.
The click of a key in a lock. Then footsteps coming closer, approaching the bars of his cell. Will knew that within a few moments, Matthew would be in this cell with him.
Then what would happen? Would there be words, gestures, directions? Or would Matthew simply take charge and start removing the orange jumpsuit that Will had grown to hate? Would he speak softly, whispering words that Will wanted to hear, or would it be strictly business?
Would anything happen between them after he was naked? Would Matthew be naked too? It struck him suddenly that he hadn't asked the other man about that.
He had no idea what Matthew's intentions were for tonight. He didn't know what was going to happen, and he wasn't sure if that made this entire situation more stimulating, or more frightening.
He had no control over the situation, and that terrified him.
Will could sense Matthew's presence, see the shadow of the other man beside the door of his cell. In just a moment, the key would be in the lock, and the door would be open.
Did Matthew think that he'd make a break for it, try to overpower him and make his way out of this prison? Will knew better than that. He'd never make it out.
There were too many guards in other places. Even if he could get out of this cell without the customary chains to keep him captive, he'd never make it to the outside world. And if he did, what would he do then? He'd be a wanted man, a fugitive. There would be no safety for him, no sanctuary.
Like ir or not, this was his life, at least for now. And taking what Matthew offered him, the human contact that he so desperately needed, was all he could reach for.
Will took a deep breath as the door to his cell was pulled open and Matthew stepped inside, then turned to lock the door again. There would be no chance of escaping.
But he didn't really want to escape. Not at the moment.
Matthew was standing face to face with him now, regarding him with those eyes that had drawn Will in the first time he'd seen this man. He couldn't turn around, couldn't look away.
Those eyes were so calm .... and yet, there was something in their depths that told Will there was a fire underneath that calm exterior, ready to break free, to burn high and hot.
"Are you ready for this, Will?" Matthew asked, his voice barely above a whisper. "Because I am. I'm more than ready. I've thought about this and how it would play out since the first time I saw you and I knew that I wanted you. There's a lot of scenarios, Will. But only one of them is going to happen."
Will nodded, slowly, both in answer to Matthew's question, and to acknowledge his statement. Yes, there was only one way this would play out. And yes, he was ready.
He ruthlessly pushed down that part of him that wanted to scream and run away, to tell the man standing in front of him that he couldn't do this, that it wasn't what he wanted.
This was madness. Of course it was. But he couldn't turn back.
He didn't want to turn back. He wanted this touch, needed to feel those hands on his body. He hadn't been able to think of anything else for the past twenty-four hour.
He'd be a fool not to take what Matthew was offering. It didn't matter that it was forbidden, that it could be dangerous for both of them. That danger only made what they would do all the more appealing.
Would they show affection for each other? Would Matthew hold him once he was naked, kiss him, murmur words of passion into his ear? What was going to happen? Will could imagine all kinds of possibilities, but he had no idea if any of them were even close to what would actually happen.
He was trembling; he couldn't stop it. His body was reacting in a way that he hadn't expected; he wanted to run away, and yet he wanted to move towards Matthew at the same time.
Yes, he was giving in to madness. But somehow, this madness felt like the right thing to do, to immerse himself in it until the rest of the world fell away and disappeared.
Closing his eyes, he let his hands fall to his sides, surrendering himself to whatever was to come.
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