Title: Wanderer
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham
Fandom: Hannibal
Rating: PG-13
Table: Quotables Challenge, tv_universe
Prompt: "Not all those who wander are lost." -- J.R.R. Tolkien
Author's Note: Sequel to "Howling At the Moon."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Hannibal Lecter or Will Graham, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***
He wasn't lost. He knew where he was.Will stood in the middle of the road, looking around him, feeling disoriented. He had been sleepwalking again; he had only snapped into consciousness a few moments before, with no idea of what he was doing or how long he'd been away from his house.
Winston was right behind him, whining softly. Thank goodness for the dog, Will thought as he glanced down and absently patted the dog's head.
He should have known that at least one of the dogs would be by his side when he was sleepwalking. Winston always seemed to be there whenever he had an episode, as though the animal was watching over him and protecting him.
It was good to know that he'd always have a protector, Will thought, heaving a sigh. But he still felt horribly alone and exposed; he had to get back home.
He knew exactly where he was; somehow, he'd managed to wander a little over a mile from the house. It wasn't going to be comfortable walking back home in his bare feet, but he would survive. And at least he could walk on the pavement.
He took a deep breath and turned around to head back home.
He would have to tell Hannibal about this, and he didn't relish that idea. He didn't like going over and over the possible reasons for his sleepwalking.
Hannibal always questuoned why he chose to wander in the dead of night, when that was the time he would be most vulnerable and alone, with no one around to help him should be get into trouble. But Will argued that he didn't do it consciously.
Of course, it was his subconscious trying to tell him something. He was sure of that. He just wasn't sure if he wanted to know what it was saying to him.
His lover would tell him that he was running from something, and that it wasn't healthy. Hannibal would say that he should stand up to his demons, fight them to the death, and emerge victorious. But Will wasn't so sure that he was running away.
Not everyone who wandered was lost. Maybe he was just wandering in search of something, even though he didn't know just what he searched for.
If that was what the case, then he wasn't doing a very good job of searching.
Whatever he was looking for hadn't revealed itself to him; it was still out there in the darkness somewhere, patiently waiting for Will to find it. He didn't know if he ever would, or if he'd ever even discover just what it was that he was groping blindly towards.
Answers. That was what he was searching for. His brain ran around in circles trying to find them during his waking hours, and when he couldn't, he turned to his dreams.
But even in his dream world, answers weren't forthcoming. He tossed and turned and couldn't reach out for them -- and that was when his body took over.
That was why he walked in his sleep. That was why he wandered. He was searching for the answers that he couldn't find either in his reality or in his dreams; his body decided that those answers couldn't be found where he was, and went searching for them elsewhere.
It was terrifying to think that he had no control over what his sleeping body did.
He didn't want to lose control. He didn't want to let his body simply take over; it would be too easy for him to wander into a situation that might be dangerous.
When he was sleepwalking, he had no control over where he went and what he did. The last thing he wanted to do was wander into some situation that he couldn't get out of -- and that he didn't know how he'd gotten into in the first place.
That would be far too easy to do. Even though eh might not be lost when his body wandered, he wasn't cognizant of what was going on around him.
He didn't want to wake up and realize that he was truly lost. That would be far too easy to do; it was one of his greatest fears, that he would somehow wander off into some place that he couldn't come back from. Some place that was .... disconnected from the reality he knew.
Not all who wandered were lost, that was true. But Will was sure that if his sleeping body kept wandering, he would inevitably become lost .... and never be found.
Will shivered, wrapping his arms around himself.
It was cold out here, cold and lonely. He felt more lost than he had when he'd awakened and not known for a moment exactly where he was or how he'd gotten there; then, he had only felt that he was lost in the directional sense. Now, he felt lost in more ways than one.
He was lost in a realm that he didn't know how to find his way out of. Lost in a reality that wasn't his, in a place where anything could happen.
The only person who he could trust was Hannibal. His lover was the only one who would hold out a hand, who would try to help him find the way out of any confusing maze he might find himself caught up in. The man he loved was also the only one he could trust.
Will realized that while he'd been thinking, his steps had carried him closer to home. He could see the house now, and he breathed a sigh of relief.
Somehow, he had managed to find his way back from wherever he had wandered off to. But there might come a time when that wouldn't happen, when the wanderer would be well and truly lost. He didn't want that day to come.
Because once he was truly lost, he knew that he would never be found again.
***
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