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Title: At Peace
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Jimmy Palmer/Tim McGee
Fandom: NCIS
Rating: PG-13
Table: 5, 12_stories
Prompt: 12, Peace
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Jimmy Palmer or Tim McGee, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.***
Tim lay awake in bed next to Jimmy, staring up at the ceiling. He'd been asleep for a while, but he had awakened, as he'd been doing in the middle of the night lately. Not wanting to bother his boyfriend, he had decided to simply lie here and think.
Maybe thinking would make him tired, and he'd fall asleep again, he told himself with an inward sigh. Jimmy never seemed to be bothered by the questions that swirled in his head all of the time; he wondered if the other man was just oblivious to them.
That was always possible, of course; Jimmy always had a way of looking at the bright side, while he himself was more prone to darker thoughts and seeing the pitfalls of what could happen. In a way, that made them a good couple. They balanced each other out.
Besides, he wouldn't want Jimmy to change in any way, Tim told himself hastily, feeling a little guilty for having any sort of negative thoughts about his boyfriend. Jimmy was wonderful just the way he was, and Tim wouldn't want to change his sunny demeanor.
If had wasn't like that, then there would be a lot less sunshine in his own life, Tim thought, a smile on his face this time. He loved Jimmy's upbeat personality; it was one of the things that had drawn him to the other man, and it was something he treasured.
There was something about being with Jimmy that gave him a sense of peace he'd never felt with anyone else. Somehow, when they were together, everything seemed right; even if there were problems hovering, they never seemed to be able to get very close.
Was it Jimmy's sunny personality that kept them away? Did that way of looking at life almost guarantee that nothing bad could ever touch them? Probably not, Tim told himself wryly, but it was still a sweet, optimistic way of looking at things.
What was it about Jimmy that brought such peace to his soul? he asked himself, turning over onto his side and carefully sliding an arm around the man sleeping next to him. Jimmy stirred slightly, murmuring something unintelligible, but didn't wake up.
They weren't even lovers yet, not in the physical sense of the word -- and yet just being with Jimmy made Tim feel whole in a way that he never had. It was as though a puzzle piece of who he was that he'd never even realized was missing had fallen neatly into place.
What would his family say when they met Jimmy and found out that he was in love with a man? There would be some consternation, he was sure. His parents would never have expected him to do anything but what was seen as "normal" and "proper."
But in the end, after they'd had their little flutter about him being less than conventional, they would just be glad that he'd found someone he loved, and that he was happy. That was the important thing with them -- that he found happiness, no matter who it was with.
Besides, they would love Jimmy. His boyfriend was exactly the kind of person they would want to see him with; someone who was fairly grounded and stable, someone who had the ability to make him laugh and relax. Someone who he obviously loved.
Would his friends, his colleagues, feel the same way? Or would they only see the fact that he and Jimmy worked together -- and therefore, given Gibbs' "rules," they shouldn't be a couple? Would they be able to see past that and be glad that two of their friends had found happiness?
That didn't matter to him, Tim told himself firmly. All that mattered, all that was important, was that he and Jimmy had found each other. This was their relationship, their lives to live in any way they chose. What other people thought about them being together had no significance.
Only it did. Tim sighed, aloud this time, his sense of peace rapidly evaporating. He wished that these thoughts wouldn't come to him now, in the middle of the night, when he should be asleep beside the man he loved without no cares to press down upon him.
Was he ever going to be able to achieve that state of peace? He wondered if it was possible; somehow, it seemed that even with Jimmy beside him, his peace only lasted for a short while. There were always so many worries to break into that peace and shatter it.
He couldn't let that happen. He couldn't let the world intrude on the wondrous peace and happiness he'd found with this man. It was something that he'd looked for all of his life, at times without even realizing it -- and now that he had that tenuous peace, he couldn't let it go.
Closing his eyes, Tim took a deep breath, willing himself to relax. There was no point in thinking about all of the problems that might beset the two of them in the future. Those problems might not even happen. He was making mountains out of molehills, as usual.
Why did he have such a tendency to do that? Why couldn't he simply accept that he was happy at long last, and let himself enjoy what he had? Ah, that was yet another problem that he could wrestle with at some other time, he told himself, pushing the thought away.
He needed to sink into that sense of peace and tranquility that he always felt whenever Jimmy smiled at him. He had to push away all the bothersome thoughts, all the worries that assailed him during the day. He had to take this quiet time for himself, and make the most of it.
Tim concentrated on regulating his breathing; in and out, take a deep breath, then release it slowly. He was surprised to find that it helped; within a few moments, he was more relaxed. He could feel that peace enveloping him again, wrapping itself around him like a second skin.
Would he have felt that way if Jimmy wasn't here beside him, his breathing a soft susurrus that barely stirred the still air? No, he wouldn't, he told himself, raising a hand to smooth his boyfriend's hair. Without Jimmy, there would be a lot more stress in his life.
He had always been the kind of person who let things get to him too much. That was one of the reasons he'd always sought refuge in his computer games; he could shake off his real-world problems by jumping into an imaginary world and getting away from it all.
But with Jimmy in his life, he was learning to deal with those problems in a more head-on way. He didn't feel the need for escape now; he had someone in the real world who he could turn to when everything felt as though it was getting to him and turning his world upside down.
That hadn't happened since he had been with Jimmy, Tim realized with some surprise. He'd been on a much more even keel emotionally since he'd had some stability in his life. Maybe that was what being in love could do for a person.
The thought made him smile; if anyone had told him a year ago, or even a few months ago, that he would fall in love with a man he worked with, he would have scoffed and told them that they were out of their mind. But it had happened, and he had no regrets.
How could he? Jimmy Palmer was everything he'd ever wanted. It didn't make any difference to him that they were both men; love was love, no matter if some members of society thought it was different. As long as they were both consenting adults, their gender didn't matter.
It didn't feel strange at all to know that the person who brought him such happiness was a man. In fact, it seemed right. He'd always known that he wasn't like everyone else; this was just one of the ways that he marched to the beat of a different drum.
As long as he was happy, and he felt this sense of peace and rightness when he was with Jimmy, then the rest of the world and what they might think had no bearing on them. They were right where they belonged -- and Tim didn't want to be anywhere else.
No one else had ever given him this peacefulness, made him feel as though all was right with the world. They might have their problems and disagreements in the future, but he was sure that together, he and Jimmy could face any problem and make it work out to their advantage.
He'd never felt so confident in a relationship before, Tim realized, another smile spreading over his face. Jimmy had given him so much more than just a core of peace in his soul -- this man had let him spread his wings and fly more freely than he'd ever dreamed of doing.
Ever since he had become involved with Jimmy, he'd felt more at peace than he had ever been. He had found his niche in the world, and found the person who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. A lot of people searched for those things all of their lives, and never found them.
He was one of the lucky ones, Tim thought to himself, raising a hand to stroke Jimmy's cheek with soft fingertips. His life had fallen into place, and he was at peace most of the time -- even if that peace had to be disturbed once in a while.
Closing his eyes, Tim settled down more comfortably against the pillows, sliding his other arm around Jimmy. The other man burrowed close to him in his sleep, bringing yet another smile to Tim's face as he drifted off, peace and contentment enveloping him like a warm blanket.***