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Title: The Twelfth Day
Summary: The longest Tony has gone without sex is 11 days, and 6 hours.
***"What is wrong with you?" Gibbs asked him, for the third time in as many minutes.
Tony shook his head, and flashed him a bright, entirely false, smile. "Wrong? What could possibly be wrong? I haven't slept in three days and we're locked in a storage closet. Oh yeah, I'm seeing no problem."
Gibbs frowned. "Kate will find us."
"You sent her home!" Tony snapped. "She's probably taking a bubble bath with a glass of wine and laughing like a maniac, because I'm still stuck at work."
"You said you wanted to see the case through," Gibbs said patiently, but his voice was sharp. "And I sent Kate home because she looked like she was about to pass out, but when we don't call, like I told her we would, she'll send someone after us."
"And then you got us locked in a closet," Tony said, for the most part ignoring him. "I'm probably going to die here. I'm going to die. It's been too long since I've slept. It's been too long since I've had sex."
Gibbs rolled his eyes. "I don't need to know that, Tony."
"It's been almost twelve days," Tony continued, oblivious. "I mean, you've had us working non-stop. You're in your manic-mode. Do you know when the last time I got to actually sit down and eat was? Because I don't. Eat and run, that's what I've been doing."
"It hasn't been that bad," Gibbs said, frowning over at him. "And you've been just as determined to solve this case as I have."
"No one is as determined as you," Tony said, shaking his head. "I would never decide to go lock myself in a closet just to put myself in the killer's mind."
"Well, I didn't know the door locked automatically…"
"I mean, I should have stayed outside, but oh no, you need me to lie down on the ground in the same position as the body…just fit yourself in the chalk outline, Tony, no problem…"
"There's no chalk outline, you're—"
"I mean, I don't really want to lie in the same place a dead guy's been, Boss, but if you ask me to do something, I do it. I don't complain. You say, get in that body bag, Tony, I get in the body bag and zip it up. I mean—"
Gibbs rolled his eyes and grabbed Tony's jacket, giving him a quick shake and pushing him against the wall. "DiNozzo! Snap out of it."
Tony's eyes focused on him—they were a little dazed, but he nodded.
Gibbs frowned with concern. "You aren't claustrophobic, are you?"
"Did you miss the part about the body bag?" Tony asked, taking a deep breath. "No, no, I'm fine in small places. No problem. Of course, in the body bag I could, you know, just unzip it…"
"Stop talking about body bags," Gibbs said. "You're getting hysterical again."
Tony paused in his ramblings to glare at him. "I'm not hysterical."
"Then what the hell's wrong with you?" Gibbs snapped.
Tony let out a sound that was suspiciously like a whimper, and slid down the wall to sit on the floor. "I just really really need to get laid," he said. "Twelve days, boss, twelve of them. In a row."
Gibbs watched him for a moment. "You're not serious."
"Dead serious," Tony said, closing his eyes and giving a nod. "I was made for sex, you know. I can't go without."
Gibbs brought his hand to his head, and closed his eyes. "Tell me we're not having this conversation, DiNozzo."
"We're not having this conversation, Boss," Tony said, obediently. "I'd have to be hysterical to start talking about sex with you."
"Good. That's better," Gibbs said, pointing at him. "Things are bad enough without you losing it."
"I'm not losing it," Tony said, instantly. "I just…usually, need to, you know, have a release of tension, so to speak…"
"Yeah, Boss?" he asked, all light and pure innocence.
"Stop speaking, just…stop."
"Sure thing," Tony said, and when Gibbs turned to glare at him, he added, "Boss" with a grin.
There were a few moments of silence then, in which Gibbs stood with his arms crossed staring at the door, apparently trying to will it open. However, even though Tony would indeed get into a body bag if Gibbs asked, or even lie on the floor and play dead, he could not, even for Gibbs, stop talking, so the silence didn't last long.
"When was the last time you had sex?"
"I thought I told you to stop talking," Gibbs snapped.
"You tell me that a lot," Tony said easily. "That would be neat if one of these times it worked, huh?"
"I swear to god, DiNozzo—"
"It's okay, you don't have to tell me," Tony said sweetly. "I was just trying to start a conversation."
"A conversation about sex?" Gibbs demanded.
Tony grinned widely. "Well, Boss, that is the best kind."
"You're hopeless, DiNozzo," Gibbs said, but he had to turn away to hide a smile. He knew Tony would know it was there, anyway.
Tony pulled out his cell phone and tried to get a signal again. In the basement, it just wasn't going to get through. He sighed heavily. "Amanda is going to kill me. This is the third date I'm not going to make in two weeks and this time I can't even call to cancel."
"You shouldn't make dates when we're working a case, then," Gibbs said with a frown.
"Boss, we're always working a case." Gibbs paused while he considered that, and Tony shook his head with a slight laugh. "That might actually explain a lot about your social life."
"I can't afford to be distracted," Gibbs said. "And it's not like I never date."
"Of course not," Tony said, "but when was the last time you had sex?"
Gibbs pointed at him again. "Don't make me come over there and smack you, DiNozzo."
"You made that sound kind of dirty," Tony said, flashing another grin.
Gibbs heaved a world-weary sigh. "I have a feeling that to you, most things sound dirty."
"Yeah, but still, Boss, you gotta admit—"
"If I told you to shut up again, would I get a few more minutes of peace?"
"Probably not," Tony said honestly. "I'm kind of on a roll here."
"I need to get out of here," Gibbs said, sounding—for Gibbs—almost flustered.
"There was this one time..." Tony started dreamily. "Well, I'm not sure I could explain it. Have you ever had sex in an elevator?"
"I'm going to count to three, Tony—"
"She hits the stop button, Gibbs, can you imagine? We're like two floors away from my room and she wants to do it in the elevator. Now, I've always been of the opinion you give a lady what she wants…unless it's Kate, of course, because she doesn't count…"
"I mean, she had legs that went forever, Boss, and I'm trying to remember if there's cameras because I really don't need to get kicked out of my place, even if I get great elevator sex out of it…"
"Then I remembered David was on duty that night, and he would totally understand, hell, he'd probably enjoy the show—not that I'm an exhibitionist or something, just, you know, she was hot…"
"That's it," Gibbs snapped. He walked back over to Tony and pulled him to his feet, before pushing him against the wall. "What's it going to take to get you to shut up?"
"Um…" Tony glanced sideways, and then the other direction, but no doors magically appeared and he was well and truly stuck. "Is that a trick question?"
Gibbs rolled his eyes and then leaned forward, kissing him roughly and then pulling slowly back. Tony stared at him, wide-eyed and speechless. Gibbs grinned widely. "Huh," he said. "What do you know—it worked."
"Neat," Tony said breathlessly.
"Should have tried it months ago," Gibbs said, before kissing him again.
Tony heard moaning, distinctly pathetic moaning, actually, and he was pretty sure it was coming from him. It's not like it was his fault though, it'd been twelve days since he'd done this, and this, whatever it was, actually was like nothing he'd ever really done before. He should be allowed to fall apart, a little, all things considered.
"What was stopping you?" Tony asked, the next time Gibbs pulled away. His voice didn't shake at all, which was good, because Gibbs' was unbuckling his pants.
"You always have a date," Gibbs said coolly. "Every damn night, DiNozzo."
"Well, it's better than being alone," Tony said, wishing he didn't sound quite as defensive as he did. All thought however, was soon lost as Gibbs moved to hold his wrists over his head in one had and push down his pants with the other. "God…"
"What are you scared of, Tony?" Gibbs whispered in his ear, as he pushed his leg between Tony's, his thigh rubbing up against him and causing another groan.
"I've got this weird thing with Iguanas," he said tilting his head back and trying to catch his breath—biting his lip to hold back the sound. "But you already know about that."
"Do you want me to stop?" Gibbs asked, but he had to know they were both too far gone for that.
Tony laughed, kind of anxiously, kind of hysterical. "It's been twelve days," he said, like that explained everything, like that was reason enough for him to lose it this much.
But Gibbs seemed to know without examining it that this was deeper than that, for both of them. They might never talk about it, but they knew, didn't have to play twenty questions or have a heart to heart—because Tony could talk for hours without really saying anything, dancing around meaning like an artist, and Gibbs could cut to the heart of it with one look.
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