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Title: Devoted To You
Pairing: Jimmy Palmer/Tim McGee
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Jimmy Palmer or Tim McGee, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***Jimmy looked over at where Tim sat on the couch, reading a book and obviously lost in what was before his eyes. He frowned slightly, looking down at the book in his own lap. He'd been trying to read for half an hour, and hadn't turned one page in the book yet.
He wanted to talk to Tim about something that had been niggling at him for a while, but he didn't know how to bring up the subject. The longer he thought about it, the more tangled it seemed; he wasn't sure if it was best to simply let it go and try not to think about it.
He couldn't help wondering if Tim was bothered by the fact that they still hadn't broken down that last physical barrier that stood between them. They had said they were going to do so, but neither of them had been able to make that first move yet.
That final step just seemed so .... so irrevocable, Jimmy thought, gulping audibly at the thought. It wasn't that he didn't want to make love with Tim, not at all. But the longer they waited, the more it seemed to loom in front of them like a gigantic mountain they couldn't climb.
"Penny for your thoughts," Tim said softly, lowering his book to his lap and looking over at Jimmy with a slight smile curving his lips. "Or even a quarter, considering how serious you look. Whatever you're thinking about, it must really be bothering you. Want to talk about it?"
Jimmy blushed and looked down at the book in his lap, unsure of what to say. He'd thought that Tim was lost in his reading, and that his boyfriend hadn't been paying any attention to him. He should have known better; Tim was always aware of what was going on around him.
"What is it, sweetheart?" Tim asked, his tone soft and gentle. "You know you can talk to me about anything that's bothering you, Jimmy. Whatever it is, even if it's something to do with us, I'm not going to get mad. If there's a problem, we can work it out together."
Jimmy shook his head, not sure of how to start. He took a deep breath, deciding that the best way to talk about this would be to dive right in and just tell Tim what he was feeling. "It is something to do with us. But it's not anything that we can't talk out, I'm sure."
Tim sat up straighter, letting the book fall aside. "What is it? Jimmy, what's wrong?" Jimmy could hear the edge of panic in his boyfriend's tone; he hated that he'd apparently made Tim feel worried that anything could be wrong with their relationship.
He shook his head, getting up from his chair and moving to the couch to sit down beside Tim. "It's not really that big of a deal," he murmured, taking Tim's hands in his own and squeezing them gently. "I was just .... I can't help wondering how you feel about something."
Tim frowned, twining his fingers through Jimmy's and studying his face intently. "What is it? Is there anything I've done or said that makes you think I'm not happy with something about our relationship?" he asked, his voice catching a little on the last words.
"I just .... Tim, I can't help wondering if you're a little annoyed that our relationship hasn't gotten more physical yet," Jimmy blurted out, unable to hold the words back any longer. He was surprised that they'd come out in such a rush, but they were out now, and he couldn't take them back.
"What?" Tim blinked, looking shocked, his eyes widening in surprise. "Jimmy, have I said one thing about being annoyed? I'm not. I know that we'll make love when we're both ready, and when the time is right. I'm not in any hurry. What made you think I was annoyed?"
"Nothing." Jimmy hung his head, unable to look Tim in the eye. "I guess it's because I feel a little guilty. You deserve so much more than what you've gotten from me so far, Tim. I feel like I'm not living up to my side of the relationship, like I'm not giving enough."
"Jimmy." Tim leaned forward, raising his hands cup Jimmy's face and make his boyfriend look directly at him. "You give me so much more than I could ever have dreamed of. You give me love, and that's all I need from you. I know you love me. The physical side isn't that important."
"But it will be," Jimmy said, sounding miserable. "The longer we wait to make love, the more you're going to start to feel like you should have more. And if I'm still not ready to cross that line, then you'll start looking for somebody else, and who wouldn't want to be with you?"
"Most people wouldn't want to be," Tim said with a wry smile. "You're the only person who's ever really wanted to be with me for who I am, Jimmy. Most other people I've dated have wanted me to change to be what they thought I should be. You're the only person who's accepted me for myself."
Jimmy looked shocked, his eyes widening. "I'd never want to change you," he protested, shaking his head, even though Tim's hands were still on either side of his face. "I'm devoted to you exactly the way you are. I love you as you are, Tim. I don't want you to be any different."
Tim's gaze softened at Jimmy's words; he leaned forward to brush a gentle kiss across his boyfriend's parted lips, savoring the contact. "That's just one of the reasons why I love you so much, Jimmy. And why I'm so completely devoted to you. It's not about the sex. It's about the emotions."
"I just don't want us to get to the point where the sex is such a big wall that we can't climb over it," Jimmy murmured, feeling embarrassed about bringing the subject up. Maybe he should have just kept his big mouth shut and let things work themselves out in time.
"It'll never be that big a wall," Tim said, his tone confident. "Jimmy, the sex will happen spontaneously. I think it's enough for right now that we're adjusting to being a couple pretty easily. I thought it would be a lot harder to get used to dating a man."
"So did I," Jimmy admitted with a tremulous smile. "But everything's easy with you, Tim. I guess that's why I'm so worried about the sexual side of things. It seems like that's going to be the hardest thing about us being a couple, and I don't want it to be hard. I want it to be natural."
"It will be," Tim said softly, still gazing into Jimmy's eyes. "We'll know when it's the right time, Jimmy. It'll all happen easily and naturally -- and we won't even have to question it. We'll just know. And it doesn't matter if it happens next week, or next year. I can wait."
Jimmy released a breath, giving Tim another smile, looking happy and relieved. "Thanks, Tim. I'm going to stop worrying about it. Like you said, it'll happen naturally, just because we're so in love. We don't have to push the sexual side to the front. We can just let it get there in its own time."
"That's right, we can," Tim told him with a nod of satisfaction. "I'm not saying that I wouldn't like to get more physical -- but I want it to be spontaneous. I want it to happen when we're both ready for it. I don't want either of us to have to feel like it's forced."
"I'd never feel like that about anything I do with you," Jimmy said softly, reaching out to run his fingers gently down Tim's smooth cheek. "I know it'll happen in time, Tim. I guess I was just worried that you'd get tired of waiting for me. I'm a little paranoid about that."
"Don't be," Time said, his voice equally soft as he reached to take Jimmy's hand and bring his boyfriend's fingertips to his lips. "I'm devoted to you, Jimmy. I always will be. The sex doesn't matter. Honestly, that's not important. It doesn't even come into all the reasons why I love you."
Jimmy leaned forward to rest his forehead against Tim's shoulder, his eyes filling with tears at those soft words. Tim really did deserve better than this, he told himself. And when the moment was right, Tim would have all of him. Everything he had to give.
"I'm devoted to you, too," he managed to say, even though his throat felt clogged by the lump that had formed there. "I'll always love you, Tim. More every day. And when we finally do make love -- it's going to be the best thing that's ever happened to either of us."
"I don't doubt that for a second," Tim said, his arms sliding around Jimmy's waist to pull him close. "I'll just get more and more devoted to you as time goes on, Jimmy. Nothing's ever going to tear us apart. I promise you that. We'll just keep getting closer."
Jimmy nodded, raising his head to smile at Tim. "When we do cross that line, it's going to be really phenomenal, isn't it? We'll have anticipated it so much that it'll just come naturally. At least, I hope it will. But I'm not going to let myself worry about it any more."
"Don't," Tim told him, shaking his head. "Worrying about it is only going to turn it into an issue, when it's not. Just take things one day at a time, Jimmy. Because from where I'm standing, there's no hurry. This isn't a race, and there's no finish line for us to cross."
Jimmy nodded, smiling again and disentangling himself from Tim's embrace to stand up and hold a hand out to his boyfriend. "Come on, let's go to bed," he said softly, his gaze not leaving Tim's face. "We might not cross that line tonight, or even any time soon, but we can have fun working up to it."
"We sure can," Tim said with a laugh, taking Jimmy's hand and getting up from the couch. The two of them headed down the hallway towards their bedroom, their footsteps slow at first, then quickening, both of them eager to show just how devoted they were to each other.