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Title: Jump Into It
Pairing: Jimmy Palmer/Tim McGee
Prompt: 22, Recovery
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Jimmy Palmer or Tim McGee, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***"Jimmy, you need to start seeing a therapist."
Tim's voice was soft, but firm. "If you don't, then you're never going to get past what happened. I know it's not what you want to do, and I'm not real crazy about the idea of you talking about something so personal to a stranger. But it's something you need to do."
Well, that wasn't what he'd wanted to hear first thing in the morning at the breakfast table.
Jimmy sighed, ready to shake his head in negation of Tim's words, but looking down into the swirls of liquid in his coffee cup instead. "I know you're right."
He hadn't thought that he would say those words, but now that he'd started, they kept coming. "I don't want to talk about what happened to somebody who doesn't know me. It feels awkward. It even feels embarrassing. But I need to talk to a professional."
Tim nodded, a slight smile fleeting across his features.
"I know you don't like the idea. Neither do I. But I'm not a therapist, Jimmy. As much as I love you, I can't help you in some of the ways that you need," he said softly.
Tim was right. He knew that. But it still felt frightening to think of going to a stranger and pouring out all that had happened -- especially how it made him feel. If he couldn't talk to his boyfriend about such things, how could he talk to an impassive therapist?
But if he didn't, then his recovery would be painfully slow -- if it happened at all. And he didn't want to feel like this for the rest of his life, as though he was somehow stuck in one place, treading water, unable to put the past behind him and move forward.
He wanted that recovery to start. He wanted to have a life with Tim, to forge ahead from where they'd been when this all happened.
He wasn't going to let this experience dictate the rest of his life.
"All right, Tim," he said quietly, nodding. "It's not going to be easy to talk to somebody I don't know, but it's what I've got to do to get things back to normal. If they can ever be normal again," he added sadly, wishing that he hadn't said the words as soon as they were out.
"They will be, Jimmy," Tim said softly, laying his hand over his boyfriend's and giving his fingers a gentle squeeze. "You're going to recover, and we're going to be fine."
Were those words true? Or did they just hold out false hope?
Jimmy sincerely hoped that his boyfriend was right, but he wasn't going to show any doubt, not here, not now. Not in from of Tim. Smiling slightly, he returned the handclasp, holding onto Tim and not wanting to ever let go.
His had to jump head first into recovery. He couldn't wait any longer.