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Title: Last Request
Pairing: Jimmy Palmer/Tim McGee
Prompt: Story 09
Author's Note: Mentions of rape.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Jimmy Palmer or Tim McGee, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***Jimmy squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over. No matter what happened, he was not going to cry. Tears wouldn't do him any good, anyway. They would just remind him of how helpless he currently was.
He didn't want to think about the last hours; they were all a blur, pain building on pain until he had almost wished that his captor would simply kill him and get it over with. But then, he would think of Tim, and he would feel determined to live, to get through this.
It didn't matter what had been done to him, Jimmy told himself. Tim wouldn't turn away from him; once the NCIS team found him, he and Tim would be together again, and he could curl into his boyfriend's arms and forget that any of this had ever happened.
But would he be able to forget? He seriously doubted it; he had the definite feeling that this was going to haunt him for the rest of his life. He would probably never be able to fall asleep again without having nightmares about this, remembering every moment as if it was still happening.
Even now, the memories of the past few hours kept playing through his mind, washing over him like a flood. Jimmy kept his eyes tightly closed, wishing those memories away, yet knowing that he would never be able to completely eradicate them from his mind.
His captor had left him here, thankfully clothed again, tied to a chair, a gag in his mouth to keep him from making any noise. He'd already tried to wriggle free, but he was bound so tightly that he could barely feel his hands; his limbs were slowly going numb.
Was he going to die here? Jimmy didn't want to think that, but at the moment, it seemed like a distinct possibility. He had no idea if Tim had the slightest clue as to where he was, or if his boyfriend and the rest of the NCIS team would find out in time to save him.
He had no doubt that the man who had kidnapped and raped him intended to kill him; he had said over and over again during that horrific experience that what was happening now would only be the beginning of the pain that Tim would go through.
The psychopath was focused on Tim, rather than on the man he'd kidnapped, Jimmy thought with a frown. It was obvious that he meant nothing to this man; he was only a pawn in an attempt to hurt Tim as much as possible. His life wouldn't matter to this man.
Jimmy only hoped that he would be allowed a last request, that he would somehow be able to let Tim know how much he had been loved. He couldn't bear the thought of dying without Tim knowing exactly how much he'd loved him, how much he'd wanted them to have a life together.
If only he had a little spark of hope to hold on to, something to keep him going, something that would give him the strength to hold on. He'd never felt so utterly helpless -- and hopeless -- in his life, sitting here waiting for his captor to come back and finish him off.
Jimmy tried to relax, to let his body go limp. If he stayed keyed up and tense, then he would only sap what little strength he had left, and if there was any chance at all for him to fight for his life, he had to do it. He owed Tim that much; he had to go down fighting.
How long would he be left alone here, wondering just when and how he was going to die? He was sure that his captor was doing this deliberately, to heighten his fear when the time actually came. He seemed to enjoy that fear, to thrive on it.
He shouldn't show fear, Jimmy told himself. He should be brave -- Tim would be, if he was in this situation. His eyes filled with tears at the thought of his boyfriend being here instead of him; he didn't want to think of Tim having to face anything like this.
Better him than his boyfriend, Jimmy told himself, twisting his wrists against his bonds again in a vain effort to loosen them. If it was Tim who was here instead of him, he would be going crazy. He wouldn't have the first idea of what to do to rescue his lover.
Yes, he would. He would call Gibbs, and have the NCIS team looking for Tim as soon as possible -- which had to be what Tim had done for him. Tim was no fool; he knew that his team members would do all they could to help someone who they thought of as one of their own.
He had to hold on to the thought that the team was coming for him, that they would find out the reasons for his kidnapping and deduce where he was being kept. They would find him, he and Tim would be reunited, and it would all work out in the end.
Jimmy swallowed hard, holding back a sob. He had to believe that. He had to believe that he was going to be rescued, that he wouldn't be in this horrible place for much longer. But time was running out, and he didn't know if he would be found in time.
If he wasn't, he hoped that he would be granted that last request before he died. Just to be able to see Tim once again, to look into his boyfriend's eyes and tell him that he loved him, that he always had, and that he always would. Just to let Tim know how he felt.
But Tim already knew how he felt. Tim knew that he was loved, more than any other man in the world had ever been loved. Tim had to know what was in his heart -- he said it every day, more than once. Those words weren't just words; they came directly from the heart.
He didn't have to say those words every day, but he did. Just so Tim could hear the words, so he would know without a shadow of a doubt how much he was loved and needed. He wanted Tim to hear the words, wanted his boyfriend to have that security.
And Tim did the same for him, telling him that he loved him every chance he had. Jimmy never tired of hearing those words come from the man he loved; the words meant so much to him, and he knew that they had to have the same deep meaning for Tim.
If all he had was one last request, it would be that he could say those words to Tim one last time before he died, that he could look into those eyes and know that Tim felt the same way about him, know that Tim knew he was loved, and that he returned that love just as strongly.
He didn't want to die; he didn't want to leave the man he loved when they had only barely started their life together. It was supposed to have been a long life, full of happiness and discovery, finding each other in every possible way. But it looked as though they wouldn't have that chance.
He couldn't think that way. He wouldn't. He would try to hold on to at least a shred of hope that Tim would have figured all of this out, that he would be here, along with the rest of the team, and that this would end well for all of them -- well, except for the man who had kidnapped him.
Jimmy didn't want to think about the rest of it -- about what Tim would do when he saw that videotape, and about it would affect their relationship from now on. That was a problem for another day, a problem that would have to be resolved when and if he got out of this alive.
Tim would never turn away from him, he told himself firmly. His boyfriend wasn't that kind of man -- Tim wasn't going to blame him for what had been done to him, and it wouldn't make Tim love him any less. In fact, it would probably only make Tim even more protective of him.
But how would it affect their relationship? Would he ever be able to let Tim make love to him, as they had planned -- as he'd so been looking forward to when their romantic evening had been so rudely interrupted? Would they ever have that chance again?
That was yet another thing that he didn't want to think about, though he knew that if he made it out of this, he would have to. He and Tim would have to face the rest of their lives together with this black cloud hanging over them, a cloud that might always be there.
At the moment, that should be the last of his worries. He had to think about trying to get out of here on his own, or hope that Tim and the NCIS team would find him in time. Since it didn't look as though he'd be able to manage a daring escape, hope of rescue was all that remained.
Holding on to that hope, no matter how slim it might seem, was the only thing he had now. He had to keep that flame burning within him, the flame that connected him to Tim. He had to keep the hope alive that his boyfriend would find him. If he didn't he was lost.
If it was fated that he die here, he only hoped that Tim would make it to his side in time for him to have that last request, for him to be able to look into his lover's eyes and tell Tim how much he was loved. That wouldn't make it all better, but at least it would be something.
He couldn't leave this world without seeing Tim one more time, without gazing into those eyes and feeling those arms around him. He had to hold on until he and Tim were together one last time, even if he wouldn't live long after that last poignant meeting.
Jimmy's head jerked up as he heard a sound outside; he didn't know if it was his captor coming back to tell him that he was close to death, or if it was a rescue team that had found him at last. He hoped for the latter, holding his breath as he stared at the door in front of him.