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Title: As It Should Be
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 6, 50ficlets
Prompt: 01, Abyss
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor sighed as he leaned over the console of the Tardis, his eyes studying the readouts without really seeing them. He had much more on his mind than just wherever he and Jamie might be going next; there was an issue weighing on his mind that wouldn't go away.

He had felt uncomfortable ever since Jamie had miraculously been revived, but that discomfort wasn't due to his lover or the changes that had been wrought in him. No, it was with himself, with his own thoughtless words and actions.

How could he have accused the Tardis of deliberately killing Jamie, of wanting him out of the way? Yes, he'd been consumed by his own grief at the time -- but he should have realized that the Tardis was grieving as well. She was, after all, also connected to Jamie.

The Tardis might not love Jamie in the same way that he did, but she was connected to him simply because he was a part of the Doctor. She would never have deliberately hurt him -- and she would never hurt him by taking Jamie from his life.

There wasn't a rift between him and the Tardis; rather, there was an emptiness in his hearts, a place that the Tardis had always occupied. He had been afraid to open that space in his hearts again, for fear that she wouldn't want to take her proper place within it.

But he couldn't go on like this. He was facing a huge, gaping abyss, peering down into it and not liking what he was seeing. Yes, the Tardis would still be here; she would still be his home, his refuge. She would still be loyal to him, a place for he and Jamie to run to and to call theirs.

That place would never be the same if he didn't open his hearts to her and give her the chance to either accept or reject his unvoiced apology. He didn't need words; the bond between the two of them was too strong and deep for words to express.

Only through his actions could he show the Tardis that he was truly sorry for the things he had said within the depths of his grief; if he couldn't bring himself to get past his fear of what she might do once he'd opened his hearts to her again, things would never be the same.

Slowly, cautiously, he placed his palms on the console, splaying out his long, elegant fingers. He closed his eyes, letting the bond between himself and the Tardis open, to the point where he could literally feel the closeness between them flowing through his veins.

The Tardis was still there. There were no reservations in her feelings for him; he could feel the love she had always borne him, just as strongly as he ever could. She didn't blame him for his grief; that grief had also been hers, her pain at losing Jamie nearly as piercing as his own.

She loved Jamie, too. He was a part of her, just as the Doctor was; the three of them shared the kind of indissoluble bond that nothing could ever come between. Even his grief -- and the fact that he had looked to her for the blame -- hadn't been enough to push her away from him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, feeling the Tardis' own wordless apology for everything that had happened flood through him. He didn't move for several long moments, simply standing there, letting the bond he'd always shared with his ship fill his being, his hearts, his very soul.

The Tardis seemed to echo those words in his head; he couldn't exactly hear them, but he could feel what she wanted to convey. Slowly, that yawning black abyss that he felt he'd been gazing into had receded, until he was far away from its edge.

His ship would never have let him fall into that abyss; she would have sacrificed herself before she would let either him or Jamie come to that kind of harm. And if either of them had been swallowed up within that darkness, she would have plunged in to rescue them.

He drew his hands away from the console, feeling relieved at the knowledge that he hadn't lost his bond with his ship. It would have been hard enough to lose Jamie -- but to lose the Tardis, too? That would have been absolutely unbearable.

As it was, he hadn't lost either one of them -- and hopefully, he never would. The Doctor closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the lights of the Tardis dim and pulse slightly; everything was in order, and all was as it should be in the world. At least for the moment.

***