Title: Can't Cry Hard Enough
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 6, 50ficlets
Prompt: 29, Cry
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

Why was he crying?

Jamie raised a hand to wipe ineffectually at the tears that were streaking down his face, wondering how he was going to explain this crying jag to the Doctor if his lover happened to come into the library unexpectedly and find him like this.

He didn't really know why he was crying, Jamie told himself with an inward sigh. There was no reason for him to be blubbering like this, after all. He and the Doctor hadn't encountered the Master or any other enemies in a while; they were safe, simply traveling through time and space.

Maybe he was crying because he felt that he was holding the Doctor back. The Time Lord might be bored with the life that they were leading; he was so used to going out and getting into trouble, being embroiled in adventures that tested his ingenuity in every way.

Ever since he had come into the Doctor's life, the Time Lord had drawn away from the edge that he usually seemed to walk along. He wanted to protect his lover -- because Jamie was human. And that was yet more guilt that Jamie could feel weighing him down.

He didn't want to be responsible for taking the Doctor away from what he felt that he existed to do. And that was exactly what it seemed at times that he was doing -- keeping the Time Lord from being what he was, making him hold himself back from the life he should be leading.

What if he was bad for the Doctor? What if he did hold his lover back, making him shirk what he considered his duties as a Time Lord? And what if the Doctor got tired of doing that -- and decided that it was better for him if they said goodbye?

The thought made Jamie cry harder; he couldn't have held the tears back if he'd tried. All he wanted was to curl up into a ball and disappear; the thought of being detrimental to the man he loved was enough to reduce him to a sobbing, helpless wreck.

"Jamie? What's the matter, love?"

Jamie gasped, his eyes flying open and his head jerking up when he heard the Doctor's voice. The Time Lord was standing in front of him, so close that they could touch each other; he'd been sunk so deeply into his miserable thoughts that he hadn't heard his lover enter the room.

"I-I don't really know," he managed to say, sniffling and trying to wipe away his tears. That wasn't true, not really. He knew why he was crying, but it was impossible for him to put those jumbled emotions into words. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't want you to see me like this."

"I go off by myself sometimes to cry when I think about losing you," the Doctor said softly as he sat down beside Jamie on the couch. "When it all seems too much, I have to let those tears come out. And I feel as if I can't cry hard enough to get all of those feelings out."

"You cry over me?" Jamie was surprised to hear such words coming from the Doctor; he hadn't thought that his life touched the Time Lord so much, other than when the two of them talked about their future together. But he'd never realized that the Doctor thought about it otherwise.

"Yes, I do," the Doctor said, his voice soft and husky. "I think about what my life would be like if you had never come into it, how empty it would be. And then I realise just how grateful I am for every second I have with you, even if our time together won't last forever."

"I can't cry hard enough to get all the tears out when I think that you might not want to be with me for all of my life because I'm trapped in a human body," Jamie began, his words halting when the Doctor shook his head and placed a finger against his lips.

"You'll never have to worry about that, love," the Time Lord told him, his voice soft and loving, the words reverberating in Jamie's ears. "I'll love you until the end of time, Jamie. Human or Time Lord -- as long as you're the person you are, my hearts will always be yours."

There was no reason for him to cry. None. The words that the Doctor had just said seemed to chase all of his tears away; Jamie could almost feel the sun coming out and drying his tears. His heart seemed to swell within his chest, sending happiness radiating through him.

The tears were gone, at least for the time being.

***