Title: The Choices We Make
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Mick St. John
Fandom: Doctor Who/Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Table: DIY, 100_situations
Prompt: 17, Misguided
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Tenth Doctor or Mick St. John, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

"So .... what misguided idea made you want to become a vampire?" the Doctor asked, glancing at Mick as the two of them walked down the street, headed for where the Time Lord had left the Tardis. "You don't seem the type to think it's romantic."

Mick almost snorted in answer to the question. "I didn't want to become a vampire," he answered, his tone terse, his words clipped. "I was turned by my ex-wife. On our wedding night. I didn't know what she was -- and I didn't want to be be what she was."

"You married her without knowing that she was a vampire?" The Doctor sounded just as surprised as he felt; he couldn't keep the shock out of his voice. "You really don't seem like someone who could overlook something like that about a person they loved."

"She was very good at hiding her true nature." Mick heaved a sigh, looking down at the ground as they walked along. "Look, I was young and stupid back then, okay? If I'd been looking for anything like that, I'd have noticed it. But I wasn't. I thought she could do no wrong."

"It's easy enough to feel that way about someone you care about -- especially when you feel that they've somehow bewitched you," the Doctor said softly, wishing that he could take back his question. "I can understand that you weren't expecting her to be something so ... dangerous."

"Oh, I knew Coraline was dangerous." Mick laughed again, the sound bitter and almost angry. "But I didn't realize just what kind of danger I was getting myself into. I thought she was just the general femme fatale. I didn't know she came with a set of fangs."

"I'm sorry, Mick," the Doctor told him, looking away and feeling that he'd put his foot in his mouth all the way up to his knee. "I didn't mean to bring back any bad feelings. I was just wondering what made you become a vampire, that's all."

"If I could have stopped it, I would." Mick sighed again, his steps slowing down, though he kept walking. "I didn't want to become a monster, Doctor. Yeah, I've done a lot of good for people since I was turned. But that doesn't mean that I like what I am -- or that I wanted this life."

"I wish you'd been given the choice," the Time Lrod said, wanting to reach out and take Mick's hand, give it a reassuring squeeze. But somehow, he didn't dare; he didn't think that the other man would appreciate the gesture, after the way he'd blundered into what was obviously a sore subject.

"What about you?" Mick glanced over at the Doctor, brows raised in question. "I know you've got to be something special, even in terms of the society on your planet. What made you decide that you wanted to roam around the galaxy and land on places like Earth?"

"I'm a Time Lord," the Doctor said, unable to keep back the sense of pride in what he was from coming through in his voice. "There used to be quite a few of us on Gallifrey, my home planet -- until it was destroyed," he murmured, his voice dropping to a bare whisper.

"Destroyed?" Mick's voice was soft when he spoke the single word, such compassion coming through it that the Doctor glanced over at him in surprise. The look on Mick's face was somewhere between curiosity and sorrow; he slowed to a stop, turning to face the other man.

"Yes. Destroyed," he said flatly, his voice still strained. "And I was the person who destroyed it. It was for the good of the universe, in order to save countless other worlds from what some of the Time Lords had become -- and were likely to become in the future."

"You destroyed your own planet?" The disbelief in Mick's voice made him raise his head, his dark gaze meeting the other man's. Mick looked incredulous, as though he couldn't believe what he'd just heard. "I don't think you're the kind of person who'd wilfully destroy so many lives."

"I didn't," the Doctor whispered, swallowing hard at the memory. "I didn't want to, Mick. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make -- and there are still times when I wish I hadn't been forced to make that choice. It's always going to be my biggest regret."

"But you can't let yourself live with that kind of regret," Mick told him, watching the Doctor closely. "If it was for the good of the universe, then you didn't really have a choice, did you? Sometimes you have to make decisions that break your heart. I know all about that."

"I'd give anything not to have had to make that choice," the Doctor said, taking a deep breath and trying to control his emotions. "Anyway, it's in the past. It's over and done with, and I can't change the decision I made, no matter how much I'd like to sometimes."

"If you could change how things turned out, it would change the future, wouldn't it?" Mick asked. "And none of us have a right to do that, even if we could. We have to stand by the choices we make, even if they're not what we really want or what makes us happy."

The Doctor nodded, surprised to find that Mick seemed to understand his feelings. "I could go back in time and change some of the things I've done, but I won't do it for that very reason," he said, his voice heavy with regret. "I'm a Time Lord, after all."

"I'm guessing there are some things you can't change, even if you went back?" Mick asked him, his tone sympathetic. The Doctor nodded, not saying anything for the moment; when he could finally speak again, he cleared his throat before he put his thoughts into words.

"I couldn't change the destruction of Gallifrey," he murmured, shaking his head. "There would be too many people, too many worlds that could possibly be destroyed if it was reversed. And the door into that dimension of time has long since closed."

"I'm sorry," Mick said softly, reaching out to take his hand. The Doctor looked up in surprise; he hadn't expected this man to make an attempt to comfort him. There was so much that he didn't know about Mick, so much that he needed to learn.

And wanted to learn. He was fascinated by this man; in spite of his words about being a monster, the Doctor didn't feel that he was. He hadn't made the choice to be a vampire, after all. It had been forced on him, apparently against his will.

Mick hadn't made some misguided choice to become what he was, any more than his own choice to be a Time Lord had been the wrong thing to do. Of course, their choices were worlds apart; his had been a conscious, deliberate decision, while Mick hadn't had any choice at all.

"Maybe it had to be that way," he finally said, his voice still sounding a little choked. "But whether that's true or not, it's over and done with now. I can't change what's been done, and I wouldn't even if I had that power. There would be too much at risk."

"Sometimes I wish that I could go back and change what happened the night Coraline turned me," Mick told him, his voice low and husky. "I've always wanted to be human again. Ever since she turned me, that's all I've wanted. Just to get my humanity back."

"You aren't a monster, Mick," the Doctor told him, his dark gaze meeting and holding the other man's. "I can tell that, even from the short time I've known you. You're a good person who cares about others. You haven't lost your humanity. You have more of it than most people."

Mick bowed his head, raising a hand to wipe at his eyes. "You're making me cry, you know that?" he said in a shaky voice. "I wish I could believe that, Doctor. But I can't. I look in the mirror, and all I see is a monster who hates what he is."

"Don't be on a misguided quest to get something back that you haven't lost," the Doctor told him, wishing that he could soothe Mick's troubled soul with his words. But he didn't have the power to do that. Mick would have to find his own way of making peace with what he was.

But maybe he could help this man along that path. Maybe he could take Mick out into the stars, show him that there was so much more beyond the world he lived in, and make him feel that he fit into the world in a way that he might not if he was still human.

"Who knows? Maybe if I stick with you, I'll feel like I've found it again," Mick said, squeezing the Doctor's hand again before he let it go, shoving his hands into his pockets and beginning to walk in the direction they'd been heading before they'd stopped to talk.

"I hope I can make that happen," the Doctor told him, smiling as he fell into step with Mick. That was one thing he was going to try his best to make happen, he vowed to himself. Hopefully, achieving that goal wouldn't be as hard as it appeared.

***