Title: Cold Comfort
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 5_prompts
Prompt: Reimaging challenge
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

Would it always be like this?

Jamie sighed as he stared out at the snow-capped mountains, shivering as cold air blew into the Tardis. The Doctor might not be affected by this kind of cold, but he was. He was, after all, only human -- a fact that he hated to remind himself of.

Would he always feel so unworthy of the man he loved, simply because he had one heart and one short life span? Would he go through that entire short human life wishing that he could be a Time Lord, wishing that his body matched his mind?

It looked as though that would be the case. And even though the Doctor felt guilty that he coudln't give Jamie what he most wanted in the world, there was nothing that his lover could do to change things. There was no magic wand for him to wave, no way to rewind and start over.

Even if they could, there was no guarantee that the outcome would be any different, Jamie told himself, sighing again and closing his eyes. If they had it to do all over again, there was no way that the Doctor could be sure of what would happen.

He could come into being as a Time Lord, yes. Or he could remain just as he was.

There was no way to be sure -- and even if they had it to do over again, what good would that do? There could be a vastly different outcome for the rest of their lives; he could end up being sent away with that whiny brat to a universe where he would never see the Doctor again.

Anything would be better than that. He'd rather remain trapped in a human body housing a Time Lord brain than have to spend the one short human lifetime that he'd been given with someone he didn't love, who didn't love him and only wanted him because he looked like the Doctor.

But it was so hard to deal with this, with knowing that he would never be the Doctor's equal. Yes, the Time Lord loved him just as he was -- but he was finding it increasingly hard to love himself, and to accept the fact that he would never be all that he wanted to be.

He would never be like the Doctor. His mind would always be much more than his body; he was an entity that really shouldn't exist in the world. He was an anomaly, something completely new and different, the prototype of a creature that should never have been.

There was no changing what he was. And he would spend his lifetime choking on that bitter knowledge.

If there had been a way to make him what he wanted to be, to somehow merge his human body with his Time Lord mind and make him become what the Doctor was, then he would gladly have taken it, no matter what the risks might have been.

No, he couldn't do that, even if there was a chance. No matter how much he wanted to be a Time Lord, to have his body in sync with his mind, he could never risk his life. He couldn't take the chance of leaving the Doctor alone again, to face life without his beloved.

That would happen soon enough, Jamie thought bitterly. His human life span was nothing more than the blink of an eye to a Time Lord; the Doctor would have to deal with life on his own, without the one he loved by his side, long before he was ready to face that loneliness.

Yes, it would always be like this. He would always yearn for what he couldn't have, until the end of his days. The only comfort was knowing that the Doctor loved him just as he was -- and that he would be able to spend his life with the man he loved.

It was cold comfort, but it was better than nothing.

***