Title: Caught in the Crossfire
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Brendan Block
Fandom: Doctor Who/Secret Smile
Rating: R
Table: 5, 10_hurt_comfort
Prompt: 8, Pain
Warning: Mentions of rape.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Brendan Block, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

Brendan awakened slowly, his senses returning to him over a period of time. First, he could sense that he was coming back into the world, which was good; it meant that the torture inflicted on his body hadn't killed him, and that he had a life to come back to.

Secondly, he realized that he was lying in a bed. He didn't have to open his eyes to be sure that it was the bed he shared with the Doctor on the Tardis; he could feel the familiar comfort, sense that he was in a place where he could feel safe.

And thirdly, there was pain. Pain that seemed to radiate out from every nook and cranny of his body; pain that encompassed body parts he hadn't realized he had. If he had thought he'd felt pain before, it had been nothing compared to this.

He wanted to open his eyes, but something told him that he wasn't ready to subject them to any kind of light at the moment. No, he would just lie here and gather his thoughts; hopefully, it wouldn't be too long before he had the courage to open them and look around him.

Really, he should be up and about, helping the Doctor take stock of their situation, he told himself. There was no reason for him to let a few aches and pains keep him bedridden; after all, his lover had suffered as much as he had at the Master's hands.

No, that wasn't entirely true, he thought with a sigh. Unless the renegade Time Lord had violated the Doctor after he himself had been rendered unconscious, the other man hadn't suffered a brutal rape that seemed to go on for hours on end.

Still, he knew that the worst part of what they had both been through, for the Doctor, had been seeing what the Master had done to him. The Master had managed to do just what the Doctor had dreaded -- he had used Brendan to break his enemy.

Brendan hated being a part of that. If only he hadn't been there, then the Master wouldn't have been able to .... He squeezed his eyes tightly closed, wincing as a pain shot through his head. No, him not being with the Doctor wasn't an option.

The Master wasn't going to drive them apart because of their fears for each other. That was part of what he wanted; not only to break the Doctor, but to leave him alone and defenseless, broken in spirit. He wanted to take away everything that the Doctor held dear.

He wasn't going to be allowed to do that, Brendan told himself fiercely. He wouldn't leave the Doctor, not for any reason, and the Master couldn't force him to do so. No matter what he might have to suffer, he would stay with the man he loved and protect him as best he could.

Now, that was almost funny, he thought, snorting inwardly. He'd been no protection whatsoever during that confrontation with the Master, had he? It had been all too easy for that monster to render him helpless and have his way with both of them.

But it wouldn't happen again. He would learn how to better protect them, and the next time that they had to face the Master, he would be more than a liability to the Doctor. He would be able to stand by his lover's side, rather than the other man having to come to his rescue.

Brendan felt the bed shift slightly; he could sense the Doctor sitting beside him, and wondered if his lover knew that he was awake. He didn't want the Doctor to be unduly worried about him; it was time to open his eyes against the pain and face the world again.

He did so slowly, opening his eyes a little at a time. A pain knifed through his head again as the light of their bedroom dazzled his senses, but it only lasted for a second. His eyes adjusted to the light much more quickly than he would have thought.

"Brendan?" The Doctor's voice was soft, husky; the Time Lord's voice trembled on the single word. "How do you feel?" Brendan turned his attention to the man sitting beside him, trying to smile through the pain and push the dizziness away.

"Not so great," he managed to whisper, his voice sounding cracked and disused when he spoke. His throat ached; probably from all the screaming he'd done, he told himself, clearing his throat and wincing again at the pain that simple action caused him.

"I'm so sorry, Brendan," the Doctor whispered, his dark eyes filling with tears. He reached for Brendan's hand, squeezing it gently with both of his and bowing his head. "If you hadn't been with me, this never would have happened to you. It's my fault."

"No!" Brendan couldn't hold the denial back, but he regretted the force with which he'd said it the moment that the single syllable was out. Another pain knifed through his head again, forcing him to close his eyes. He would have to remember to keep himself calm.

"If I hadn't been so selfish as to let you be with me when I confronted him, then you wouldn't have been caught in the crossfire," the Doctor whispered, shaking his head. "I should have known better than to have you there with me. Forgive me, love."

"There's nothing to forgive," Brendan whispered, his voice weak. "Do you really think that he wouldn't have found a way to get to me, Doctor? If you do, then you're kidding yourself. His intention all along was to use me to break you. Don't let him have that satisfaction."

"It's not as easy as it sounds," the Time Lord murmured, his gaze not meeting Brendan's. "How can I not let him see what your pain does to me? I can't just bury those emotions, Brendan. I can't keep back how I feel about you. And I don't want to."

"I know how you feel about me," Brendan said softly, laying his other hand over the Doctor's. "And in the long run, we would both be safer if you didn't wear your hearts on your sleeve. But I understand why you do. I just wish he wouldn't have had the chance to use that against you."

"He'll try to do it again, now that he knows how easy it is to break me by using you," the Doctor said in a soft voice, squeezing Brendan's hand. "It would be safer for you to be on Earth, Brendan, and away from me. I don't want this to happen again."

Brendan shook his head, ignoring the stabs of pain that it caused. "What good would that do? You'd be alone, I'd be alone, we'd both be miserable if we were apart. I'd rather be with you and take my chances, Doctor. You're not getting rid of me so easily."

"It's not easy for me to say that," the Doctor told him, those deep brown eyes holding Brendan's gaze and pleading for him to understand the Time Lord's reasoning behind his words. "I don't want us to be parted, Brendan. But I don't want you hurt again, either."

"There's no question about me being with you, Doctor," Brendan said, his voice strong and firm. "There's no way that I'm going to hide out on Earth and wonder what's happening to you. I'd rather face any kind of pain than be without you. I'm staying right here."

"I don't want you to be in danger," the Doctor whispered, looking away from Brendan. "And even though this sounds selfish, I don't want to put myself through that kind of pain again. I can't take seeing him hurt you again, Brendan. I didn't think I would make it through this time."

"I know it's hard for you to deal with, Doctor." Brendan was at a loss for words, but one thing was certain. Despite the Doctor's fears, he wasn't going to step back and let his lover face the Master alone. Whatever happened, he would be by the Time Lord's side.

Brendan searched his mind to come up with the words he wanted to say; they weren't easy to find. "I couldn't live with myself if I knew that I'd stepped back into the shadows to protect myself. I'm not going to do that. You need me with you, Doctor. And I need to be with you."

No matter how much pain he had to go through, it would be worth all of the suffering to be with the Doctor. Now that he'd found this man, nothing would tear him away. Not the Master, and not any other force in the universe that might try to rip them apart.

The Doctor raised his head, forcing a smile. "I can't stop you if you're sure that's what you want, Brendan. I'll be honest, I want to keep you safe. But a part of me wants to keep you here, too. I'm going to let you make that choice for yourself."

"Then the choice is made," Brendan told him, leaning back against the pillows with a soft sigh as his grip on his lover's hand tightened. The next time they confronted the Master, he hoped that he would be better prepared. And if not -- well, he would have to deal with that when the time came.

***