Title: Eye For An Eye
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Brendan Block
Fandom: Doctor Who/Secret Smile
Rating: PG-13
Table: 5, 10_hurt_comfort
Prompt: 7, Revenge
Warning: past non-con.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Brendan Block, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

Brendan put down the book he was reading, stretching his arms above his head. Almost without realizing it, he curled his hands into fists, his expression becoming stormy as his thoughts drifted back to where they usually were these days.

He couldn't stop thinking about the Master and what he had done. It was almost impossible for him to shift his thoughts to another place; they would always settle back on that one subject, as though it was an itch that he couldn't quite reach to scratch it until it went away.

It was maddening to know that he had no way to exact revenge on the man who had so brutally raped him -- and caused his lover the pain of having to watch what had been done. He wanted to smash the Master into little bits, to punish him for his actions.

All he'd been able to think of lately was what satisfaction he would take if he could even the score somehow -- though by that, he didn't mean doing the same thing to the Master. That idea was the furthest thing from his mind. He wouldn't touch that monster.

He'd been worried that the Doctor might think his quest for revenge went in that direction, and he'd taken pains to assure the Time Lord that it would never happen. There was no way he'd touch the Master in that capacity, no matter how badly he wanted his revenge.

The Doctor had cautioned him against feeling so strongly; he'd said over and over again that no good would come of his forming any sort of a plan for that revenge, that it would only backfire on him. He knew that he should listen to his lover, but that wasn't easy to do.

The desire for revenge burned so brightly within him that Brendan was sure he would never be able to quench it. There was no way that he could just walk away from this, conceded that the Master had won a round and leave it at that.

And it wasn't just his own violation that he wanted revenge for, he insisted to himself. It was also for all the time that he'd taken the Doctor in the same way in the past, times that his lover had told him about to let Brendan know that he wasn't alone.

Brendan wanted revenge for the Doctor, too. It wasn't right that the Master had been able to torture him, over all of these centuries in different bodies, and never have had to pay for it. The Master deserved to suffer for what he'd done.

But finding him to exact that revenge on him wouldn't be easy. As Brendan had already seen, the man was far too good at hiding himself when he didn't want to be caught. And like the Doctor said, he only showed up when he had some insidious plan to put into action.

The Doctor looked over at him, his brow furrowed as though he could sense the agitation that Brendan was feeling. That was one of the uncanny things about the Time Lord, Brendan thought, trying to relax his hands. He always knew when someone he loved was feeling upset.

"I know what you're thinking, love," the Doctor said softly, shaking his head. "Please don't. What's done is done, and we can't go on reliving the past. We have to play the hand that's dealt us, and move ahead. It's all that anyone can do with their lives."

"But you're a Time Lord!" Brendan burst out, feeling a little resentful that his lover should take such a fatalistic approach. "You can go back in time and change things. You can make it different, can't you? Who's to say that different wouldn't be better?"

"It might very well be," the Doctor agreed with a sigh, nodding. "But who's to say that this isn't the way things are supposed to be? I don't want to destroy anything good that could be in our future by changing the past, Brendan. You should know that."

"I know, but ...." Brendan's voice trailed off; the Doctor had indeed told him of all he hazards of changing the past. He fully understood why the Time Lord didn't want to do it, but somehow, this seemed as though it was a time when that might be a good thing.

Still, he could understand his lover's reasons, even if he didn't completely agree with them. "All right," he finally sighed, nodding in agreement. "Maybe it wouldn't be better. Maybe changing this would ruin some things in the future that could be good for us."

"That's exactly why I don't want to change the past," the Doctor told him, not looking away from Brendan. "I hate what happened to you, love. I would do anything to make that better. But changing the past could also change our future -- and even affect the future of the universe."

"You can see the turning of that universe," Brendan said slowly, his brow furrowing. "You could see what the future holds for us -- yet you don't do it. Why not? Is it for the same reasons? Do you not want to see what's going to happen, or are you just afraid of it?"

The Doctor shook his head, sighing. "I'm not afraid of the future, Brendan. I just don't want to see what's in store for me. If you can see into the future, if you know everything that's going to come for you, then what would be the point of living through the present?"

Brendan thought about that for a few minutes, finally nodding again as his shoulders slumped dejectedly. "You're right, I know. But that doesn't stop me from wanting revenge, and from knowing what's going to happen when we tangle with the Master again."

"What could we do to him that would make the punishment fit the crime?" the Doctor asked softly, the question asked in a strong, resolute voice. "Neither of us wants to be sexual with him. So it's as though either of us wants to exact the 'an eye for an eye' revenge."

Brendan had to agree with that; there was no way that he wanted to touch the Master, or let that madman lay a finger on him again -- or on the Doctor, either. "That's not the kind of revenge I'm looking for. I just know that I want him to pay for his actions."

"Revenge is never something that should be looked for," the Doctor said quietly, shaking his head. "When you do, then you lose yourself in it, Brendan. I should know. I've gone that route before, and I've regretted it bitterly. I don't want to see you feel the way I did."

"I know you have, Doctor," Brendan said, trying to keep his tone even and not let his anger at the Master come through in his words. "But you've wanted vengeance, so you know how it feels. And you know how that desire can eat away at your thoughts."

"Yes, I know that all too well." The Doctor's dark eyes met his, that gaze seeming to go straight through him to his very soul. "It hammers away at your mind, Brendan. And if you're not careful, it can eventually warp you in the same way that the Master has been twisted over the years."

Sighing, he closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the cushion of the chair he was sitting in. Brendan regarded him thoughtfully, wondering if he would ever learn to be more like the Doctor, and to put others before himself all the time.

Some of that was already rubbing off on him; he was a lot more selfless and giving now that he'd ever been when he was living on Earth. How could he not be? He saw that example in front of him every day -- and he wanted to make his lover proud of him.

Who would have thought that falling in love could have such a profound effect on him? He would never have thought that he could turn over the proverbial new leaf, let love turn him into a better man. But apparently, that was exactly what had been happening.

He had to follow the Doctor's example, and not let himself be controlled by the urge for revenge. His lover was right; it was only going to turn him into someone he didn't want to be, and it would eat away at him until he became no better than the Master himself.

That wasn't what he wanted. Yes, he wanted the Master to suffer for what he'd done, both to the Doctor and to himself, but he didn't want his desire for vengeance to turn him into the same sort of warped, twisted persona that the Master had become.

That was the last thing he wanted for himself -- and he knew that if he became like the Master, then the Doctor wouldn't be able to love him any more. He would lose everything -- not only his respect for who he was, but also the love of the man who was making him a better person.

No. He wasn't going to immerse himself in revenge. He wasn't going to risk losing the Doctor's love and respect. Nothing was worth that, not even making the Master pay for what he'd done. The Doctor was right. He would simply have to put it behind him and move on with his life.

"I won't let that happen," Brendan said softly, leaning forward and reaching out to place his hand over the Doctor's. "I'm not going to try and take revenge on him, Doctor. You're right. It would make me no better than him -- and I don't want that for myself. Or for you."

The Doctor opened his eyes to smile at his lover -- and that smile was all that Brendan needed to see to know that he'd made the right decision. He'd do anything to keep seeing the Doctor smile at him like that -- even put aside the need for revenge that still gnawed at him.

***