Title: Face the Future
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Michael Cutter
Fandom: Doctor Who/Law & Order
Rating: PG-13
Table: 100_tales
Prompt: 48, Future
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Michael Cutter, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor stood at the window of Michael's New York City apartment, watching the people on the streets below him. It was nearly time for Michael to come home; he knew that his boyfriend would soon be one of those quickly moving figures below him.

It still surprised him that he'd managed to stay on Earth for so long, in a stable relationship, without telling Michael just who and what he was. But how much longer could he keep up the facade of being a normal, everyday human being?

He found it curious that Michael hadn't noticed the strange beating of his two hearts when they were in bed together, but perhaps his senses had been too satiated with pleasure to think about it. Or maybe he simply hadn't thought about mentioning it.

No, that couldn't be the case. Michael would have said something if he'd noticed. He was the kind of man who would always search for answers, who wouldn't let something get by him if he thought that there could possibly be anything to hide.

That was both a blessing and a curse, the Doctor thought, leaning his forehead against the glass. He loved the fact that Michael had such a strong sense of justice; it was one of things about his lover that he admired most. It was something that drew them closer together.

But it was a little frightening to know that if he let his mask of humanity slip, Michael might pull away from him and be lost forever.

What he was doing was tantamount to lying to Michael, really. He couldn't tell the truth about how he spent his days, where he was from, things that every human being generally took for granted. With him, it all had to be secretive, covered up with a gloss of chatter.

Or silence. There were times when Michael asked him about his day, and he didn't quite know what to say. How was he going to tell this man that he'd been running from alien beings on another planet? For that matter, how could he tell Michael that he himself was an alien?

The Doctor closed his eyes, heaving a sigh. He'd left it too long, at this point. It wasn't going to be easy to tell Michael the truth -- and that truth might push the other man away from him, seeing that he'd put off telling it until this point.

He still wasn't ready to tell Michael about himself. How was he supposed to bring up the subject? It wasn't something that he could just casually segue into over dinner. "By the way, Michael, I'm an alien. I'm over 900 years old, and I'm a time traveler."

Oh yes, that would go over very well. If Michael even believed him. He'd probably think he was dealing with a certified lunatic and want nothing more to do with him.

There was no way that he was going to risk that. For the first time in what felt like far too long, he was in a relationship that was stable and loving. He was with someone he loved, someone who wanted to be with him. He didn't want to lose all that he had.

He'd worked so hard to build this relationship with Michael. He'd been so careful, trying not to say or do anything that would jeopardize their growing feelings for each other. And he'd been so happy, knowing that Michael cared for him and wanted them to be together.

But, as usual, the knowledge of what he was came to the forefront of his mind more and more frequently. He knew that sooner or later, he would have to tell Michael about himself. He couldn't keep putting it off. He'd already waited too long.

And that revelation was going to rip a hole in the fabric of their existence. There were so many possibilities as to what Michael would do, how he would feel. The Doctor felt as though he'd been over each and every one of them in his mind at least a hundred times.

He could simply walk away, without a backward glance. He could be angry, demand some kind of explanation, and then reject what he heard. Either of those reactions were very likely, given that Michael was human.

Or -- and this was what the Doctor sincerely hoped would happen -- he could accept the Time Lord and their relationship would continue. That was the scenario he'd most like to contemplate, but it was also the one that he had to admit was the least likely to happen.

If he was in Michael's shoes, how would he feel? That was a question that he couldn't really answer, he told himself, the corners of lips quirking in a wry smile. He'd have to be human to know how to respond, and that was one thing he'd never be.

Being with Michael had made him wish for humanity more than he ever had. He wanted to be like the man he loved, wanted to be what Michael wanted and needed.

Michael thought that the Doctor was what he needed. And maybe he was, in some ways. In a lot of the ways that counted most. But everything boiled down to the fact that he wasn't human - and that he had to find a way to tell Michael.

The problem was finding a way to tell him that wouldn't tear the two of them apart. And that wasn't going to be an easy proposition.

The Doctor sighed again, almost wanting to bang his head against the windowpane, but knowing that it wouldn't achieve anything other than giving him a headache. Every day that went by was just more time for him to feel guilty about not telling Michael the truth.

He wanted so badly for them to have a future together, a future that wasn't clouded with half-truths and evasiveness. He wanted Michael to accept him for who and what he was, to love him in spite of that -- for the differences between them not to matter.

But, if he was completely honest with himself, didn't those differences matter to him, too? Wasn't that why he hadn't been able to bring himself to tell Michael the truth? In some obscure way, he was almost ashamed to not be human.

The Doctor blinked, raising his head and turning that thought over in his mind. Well, there was something that hadn't occurred to him before.

A Gallifreyan ashamed of being what he was. That would be something to shock his race, if any of them still existed in the world. But then, he'd always been one of the very few Gallifreyans who didn't embrace their xenophobia. He'd always been intrigued by humans.

Of course, none of his race would even contemplate having a future with a human. They'd turn their noses up at the idea, insist that it wasn't done. But he was different. He didn't care that Michael was human. His emotions overrode everything else.

Was he in love? That was another question that he couldn't answer; he knew that he cared for Michael, more deeply than he'd cared for anyone since Jack. But was it love? He wasn't prepared to answer that yet; he wasn't ready to say the word, even to himself.

And really, his ability to put that word to his own emotions depended a great deal on how Michael felt, and what his reaction was when he discovered the truth about his lover. If he backed away, then it would be easier to protect his hearts if he never acknowledged those feelings.

The Doctor took a deep breath, moving away from the window. Michael had come to mean a lot to him, and he wasn't willing to give up what they had together. But until he told Michael the truth about himself, they couldn't possibly have a future.

And he wanted that future to exist. It was getting harder and harder for him to imagine a part of his life that Michael wasn't in. He wanted them to stay together, wanted to keep this man in his life for as long as Michael's human life span would allow.

So .... he had to tell Michael the truth. He had to think of a way to break it to him, a way that he'd be able to accept. He had to let it all out, and hope that Michael would believe him.

He had no idea how he was going to phrase what he had to say, or even when he could say it. But it would have to be soon. He couldn't keep Michael in the dark any longer. He couldn't keep letting the guilt of being untruthful with his lover eat into him.

And besides, Michael deserved to know the truth, and to make his own decision about whether or not he wanted their relationship to continue. It was really up to Michael as to whether or not they had a future with each other -- not him.

Everything rested with Michael. He would have to tell the truth, as plainly and as gently as he could, and hope that Michael cared for him enough to accept it all.

There was a scraping of a key in the lock of the front door, and the Doctor turned away from the window, composing his face into an expression that he hoped didn't display his stress. He'd tell Michael. Maybe not tonight .... but soon. Very soon.

***