Title: From This Moment On
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, 5_prompts
Prompt: 3, Step forward
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

Jamie rested his chin on his hand, glancing over at the Doctor and wondering if the other man realized that he was feeling restless. The Time Lord always seemed to have some sort of sixth sense when it came to knowing how his clone was feeling at any given time.

He really shouldn't be surprised at that; after all, they were literally a part of each other. It was still strange for him to realize that he didn't have the Time Lord's long life span, and that he only had one heart in a distressingly human body.

It felt as though so much had been taken away from him, he thought, a frown marring his brow as he brooded. His Time Lord brain was used to thinking of himself as very long-lived, not as someone who had what could only be referred to as a very short shelf life.

But he could have lost so much more, he reminded himself with a sigh. He could have lost the Doctor completely; he could have been forced into another dimension, a world where he would be forced to live a life with someone he didn't love and didn't want to be with.

He could easily have lost the Doctor forever. Jamie couldn't keep back a shiver at the thought; the idea of living the short human life that had been given to him away from the man he loved was something that he didn't even want to contemplate.

He was better off not thinking about it, he told himself firmly, wishing that he could push it all out of his mind and turn his thoughts to happier times.

It was easier said than done to turn his mind away from the past. His mind wanted to cling to those memories, and others that were even more distant. Those distant memories didn't even really belong to him, in the strictest sense of what belonging meant.

Those memories were from the Doctor's life, not from his own. Of course, for all intents and purposes, he was the Doctor, albeit in a human body. But he couldn't claim the Time Lord's memories as his own, not if he was honest with himself.

He hadn't done those things. This body, this consciousness, didn't have a past. He had literally sprung fully formed, like Athena from the head of Zeus. He didn't have a childhood, or the memories that most people were able to cling to and cherish.

His memories belonged to another man, another entity separate from himself. That man loved him and would do anything for him; he felt slightly guilty about feeling a bit resentful towards the Time Lord for bringing him into the world as he was.

But wouldn't anyone feel that way? Jamie asked himself with an inward sigh. Of course, he was sure that no one else would ever find themselves in his predicament. There weren't any other instances of clones being brought into the world in the way he had been.

In some ways, maybe it was a good thing. At least he hadn't had to go through any awkward phases, and he didn't have to be dependent on anyone.

All right, so that wasn't entirely true. He'd been dependent on the Doctor from the moment he'd come into existence, really. The other man had been the center of his universe from the beginning, even when he'd been terrified that they would be torn apart.

If that had happened .... Jamie shuddered, casting a quick glance to where the Doctor sat reading a book only a few feet away from him. He hoped that his lover hadn't noticed that shudder; he didn't want the other man to think that anything was wrong.

Because it wasn't, not really. All of this was only in his mind. He hadn't been forced to take himself away to another dimension, like a forgotten toy that the Doctor had tossed away, or some kind of embarrassment that the other man hadn't wanted to deal with.

The Doctor would never have let that happen. Jamie was sure that he'd been leaning towards doing that at one point, but he'd changed his mind -- a decision that he'd always be grateful to the Time Lord for making. He'd spend his life showing his lover that gratitude.

He had to stop thinking about the past, he told himself with another soft inward sigh that he hoped the Doctor didn't sense. He had to focus on the future, and step forward into the life he would lead with the Doctor, rather than dwell on the past.

But the past was what had made him who he was -- and it was hard to turn his back on that, or on the memories crowding into his head that didn't really belong to him.

Jamie rose from the couch almost without realizing he'd done it, going to the Doctor and kneeling in front of him. He looked up into the Time Lord's face, the face that was exactly like his own and which now wore a look of concern.

"What is it, sweetheart?" the Doctor asked softly, reaching out a hand to stroke his cheek. "Is there something bothering you? I thought I could sense that you were worrying about something, but I didn't want to ask you in case I was wrong."

"Not exactly worrying," Jamie managed to say, swallowing against the lump that had suddenly lodged in his throat. "Just .... thinking about the past, and wishing that I had my own memories and that I'd been my own person. Not just a copy of who you've always been."

The Doctor stood up, pulling Jamie to his feet and taking the other man into his arms. "You're so much more than just a copy of me," he whispered, pressing his cheek against Jamie's hair. "You're the man I love. You're the center of my world."

"And you're everything to me," Jamie answered, his voice husky with emotion. He closed his eyes, his thin arms wrapping around the Doctor's waist and holding the other man close against him. Suddenly, all of his worries about the past seemed very far away and inconsequential.

From this moment on, he was going to stop brooding over the past and concentrate on the future, he told himself as the Time Lord's lips met his own in a kiss that drove all thought from his mind.

He was where he belonged, where he'd always been meant to be. His future was here, with this man, in his life and in his arms. There was nowhere else that he'd rather be -- and nowhere else that he would ever be. The Doctor had proven that to him already.

There was no use looking back on the past, Jamie thought as he lost himself in the Doctor's touch, his kiss. The past that held his memories might technically belong to someone else -- but the two of them would create their own memories that he would always be proud to call his own.

***