Title: Heaven's Gate
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, fanfic50
Prompt: 13, Grave
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

Jamie looked over at the Doctor as the two of them sat in the library of the Tardis, each lost in a book. The Time Lord was paying close attention to what he was reading, his eyes riveted on the lines of type, his lips slightly parted and his breathing rapid.

He almost hated to disturb the Time Lord, but a question had occurred to him, one that he wanted an answer to even though it was a subject that he didn't like to bring. It was something that was sure to either upset the Doctor, or put him into one of his melancholy moods.

Clearing his throat, he waited for the Doctor to look up at him with a question in those dark eyes. The curious look was replaced by a smile that always melted Jamie's heart, a smile that made him want to take the Time Lord into his arms and kiss him breathless.

But that smile would disappear when he asked his question, he was sure. The Doctor never liked hearing things like what Jamie had to say, but it was something he needed to get out, something that he felt the need to know and be comfortable with.

"Doctor --" he began, uncertain of how to put his question into words. He knew what he wanted to ask, but he had to phrase it in a way that wouldn't cause the other man undue worry about his state of mind. "I need to ask you something, but I don't want to upset you."

The Doctor put his book down, frowning slightly as he looked at Jamie. "What is it, love?" he asked softly, his tone concerned. "Is it another question about your mortality?" He raised a hand, shaking his head as Jamie opened his mouth to speak again.

"I know that you always feel I get upset when we talk about that," the Time Lord told him, keeping his voice brisk. "I'm going to try not to from now on, Jamie. I know that there are things you need to know, and if you have questions, I'll try my best to answer them."

"It's not so much about my mortality, as what you'll do after I'm .... gone," Jamie murmured, feeling foolish now for having brought up the subject. Maybe he didn't really need to know; maybe he was just being too morbid, and he should simply trust his lover to do what he wanted.

"What is it, sweetheart?" The Doctor's voice was soft and loving; Jamie could almost feel himself being pulled over to the other man just by his tone. He got up from his chair, going to the couch and sitting down beside the Doctor, resting his head on the Time Lord's shoulder.

Immediately, there was an arm around his waist, drawing him closer. Jamie couldn't help but smile at that; no matter if they were going to have a serious conversation that might be a little upsetting, the Doctor would always want them to be physically close.

"What do you need to know, sweetheart?" the Time Lord asked, his tone somewhat hesitant. "I'll try to tell you anything I can, Jamie, but you know that your mortality and our eventual parting isn't something I like to talk about, even if it is inevitable."

Jamie sighed softly, wishing more than ever that he hadn't brought the subject up. "I .... I wanted to ask you where you're going to bury me when I go," he blurted out, the words seeming to tumble from him all at once. "Where is my grave going to be?"

The Doctor looked startled by his question; Jamie reached out to place his hand on the Time Lord's cheek, trying to reassure his lover. "I'm not trying to be morbid, Doctor. It's just something that I've wondered for a while, and I wanted to know that you'll be coming to visit me."

"Jamie ...." The Doctor's voice broke on the name; he closed his eyes, obviuosly struggling to hold back tears. "I hadn't thought about it," he admitted, the words choked and strained. "It's not something I want to keep in my mind, the idea of losing you."

"But you won't completely lose me," Jamie said softly, trying to hold back his own flood of tears. "I'll be with you always, Doctor. In your heart and soul. No one who's remembered with love ever truly dies. You know that. I'll always be a part of you, in spirit."

"I know that, sweetheart." The Doctor's hand was over his, those long, slender fingers entwining with his own. "But you won't be here, by my side. I won't be able to hold you in my arms. I won't be waking up in the morning next to you, or kissing you good night."

"But you'll have me in your hearts," Jamie whispered, a few tears streaking down his face. "And you'll be able to come to my grave, to visit me at heaven's gate. We might not be together physically, Doctor, but you know that I'll never leave you."

The Time Lord nodded, sighing softly and closing his eyes. When he spoke again, his voice was barely a whisper. "Would you like to be buried on Earth, Jamie?" he asked, obviously trying very hard to control the timbre of his words. "Or is there some other place you'd prefer?"

"I don't know that I want to be buried," Jamie said slowly, an idea forming in his mind. "I know you might like to have a gravesite to visit, and you can have that. Just a place with a marker and my name, where you could do something romantic like leaving flowers."

The Doctor nodded again, swallowing hard. "On a beautiful pleasure planet that we've both loved, where we've shared time together?" he asked, sounding hesitant. "Some place like that would be lovely. I could go there when I felt that I needed the solace of a gravesite."

"That would be lovely," Jamie said, his voice very soft. "But I was thinking -- could I be cremated, and have my ashes stay with you? I know that on Gallifrey, you would have a burning ceremony for a Time Lord. Can you do the same for me?"

The Doctor was crying freely now, though he wasn't making a sound. Tears rolled down his cheeks; Jamie reached to wipe them away, only to find that it was impossible to stop them. All he could do was wrap his arms around the Time Lord, giving his lover the comfort of his nearness.

"I know you don't like talking about this, Doctor," he whispered around the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. "Neither do I. But it's best to know what we both want when that time comes, so that there won't be any questions or worries about what to do."

"I suppose you're right," the Doctor finally said, his voice hoarse and broken. "But just thinking about not having you with me makes me feel so .... well, hopeless. I thought that I'd gotten used to having the people I love age and die -- but it's different with you, Jamie."

It was different with him because he was a part of the Doctor, Jamie thought to himself. He could show the Time Lord his mortality in so many ways; he would age, he would die. It would be like looking into his own future -- well, if he died while he was in this body, anyway.

"I know it is, love," he whispered, wanting to soothe the Doctor as much as he could. "But we both know that it's inevitable. We've known it from the beginning. I'm human. I want to be with you forever, but I can't. So we have to take what time we're given and make the most of it."

"I'll be waltzing through heaven's gate with you one day, Jamie," the Doctor said, raising a hand to wipe ineffectually at his tears. "I know that you'll be waiting there for me, holding out your arms. And to be quite honest, that day won't come soon enough for me."

"Even if you're in a different body then, I'll recognise you," Jamie murmured, his voice catching in his throat. "And you're right, Doctor. I'll be waiting for you with open arms and an open heart. But I hope you won't shorten your own life just to be with me."

The Doctor shook his head, sighing. "I've already promised you that I won't do that, Jamie, even though it's going to be hard for me not to want that. I won't be meeting you at heaven's gate any sooner than fate intends for me to be there."

"That's good to know," Jamie whispered, resting his head on the Doctor's shoulder again. This time, he was the one to let his tears flow freely. He wasn't sure if they were happy or sad tears, but he knew that they needed to be shed -- and that they were somehow cleansing.

His question wasn't answered. Not really. He didn't know where the Doctor would choose to have a grave for him. But what did that matter? His remains wouldn't be kept there. They wouldn't even really reside in the ashes that would be left after he was cremated.

No, his life would be in the Doctor's hearts and soul, in his memory. As long as the Time Lord loved him, then he would have a sort of immortality -- and once his lover joined him, he would have all that he needed to make him happy for the rest of eternity.

***