Title: Independence
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Brendan Block
Fandom: Doctor Who/Secret Smile
Rating: PG-13
Table: 5_prompts, Month of November challenge
Prompt: Day 12 - I've always been independent
Warning: past non-con.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Brendan Block, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

Brendan stood near the edge of the lake that the Tardis had materialized close to, watching the brilliant sunset over the water. The colors were beautiful; he could hardly tear his eyes away from them. Sights like this had been few and far between in his life.

He had never really taken the time to watch a sunset before he'd met the Doctor, he mused. What was it about this man that he could make Brendan appreciate the little things in life, things that he had never really bothered to pay much attention to before?

He'd always been so focused on moving forward into the future and making sure that he was secure, taking whta he wanted, that he had never looked around and taken in the small pleasures. There had been so much that he had missed over the years.

The Doctor had changed him in so many ways, Brendan reflected. He had become softer, more vulnerable, and had become more open with his feelings. He had never felt that he could trust anyone before -- but the Doctor had changed that in him, too.

He had become a much more trusting person, opening himself to the world more than he had since he was a child and he had discovered that the world was a cold, cruel place. The Doctor had taught him that not everyone was out for themselves. Not everyone wanted to hurt him.

He'd never have believed that before he had met the Time Lord, he told himself. The Doctor had brought out a side of him that he had buried deep within himself, a side that he had thought was gone forever. He was glad to find that it hadn't entirely disappeared.

Ever since he was a child, he'd gone his own way; he had convinced himself that the world was a hostile place, full of people who would use him and take advantage of him if they had the chance. So he had made himself into that kind of person; he used others before they could use him.

With the advent of the Doctor in his life, all of that had changed. He had a become a different man, someone who he liked much better than he had liked himself before. He could look in the mirror and smile at himself, thinking that at last he saw a good man, a worthy man.

Worthy of what? Worthy of being thought of as a good person? Worthy of being with the Doctor? Both, Brendan told himself. He would never have considered himself worthy of having someone like the Doctor in his life if he hadn't changed.

The man he had been when he had been with that horrible Miranda bitch who had treated him so badly hadn't been worthy of being the Doctor's lover -- at least not in his eyes. But apparently, the Time Lord had seen something in him that hadn't been outwardly apparent.

Even then, he hadn't liked himself much; he had tried to put on a front, to make himself seem as though he was all ego and little compassion for others. And he had to admit that there had been times when he was in danger of actually slipping into that persona.

He didn't want to turn into that kind of person. He had seen enough of them in his time on Earth -- and now that he had tangled with the Master, it was even more frightening to think that he could so easily become just as dark and twisted as their nemesis was.

The Doctor had kept him from moving any further in that direction. He wanted to be worthy of being with a man like the Time Lord; and that desire, more than anything else, was what had turned him from the dark path he was on and had given him a new road to walk along.

He'd always been so independent before he had met the Doctor, Brendan reflected; maybe that was one reason that he had rushed headlong into that darkness that had seemed to beckon to him for most of his life. He had always wanted to do what was forbidden, take the dangerous road.

But he had learned the folly of that, many times over. And as much as he had sometimes wanted to turn away from that dark road he was running down, he hadn't been able to do it. He had wanted to hold on to his fierce independence, even if it might be harming him.

The Time Lord had stopped all of that. He had made Brendan realize that the dark path wasn't the one he had been intended for; he had arrested that headlong flight, turned it towards a point that might be harder to reach, but that Brendan wouldn't have to strive for alone.

He would never have thought that giving up his independence would be something he wanted to do; in any of his past relationships, he had never fully given himself to the other person, body and soul. He had tried to hang on to that independence, reluctant to relinquish it.

With the Doctor, it was different. He didn't want to keep even the slightest bit of that independence any more; he wanted to surrender all of himself to the Time Lord, to offer himself up in every possible way. He wanted to belong to the Doctor completely.

He did belong to the Doctor, Brendan reminded himself with a smile. The Doctor loved him, just as fiercely as he himself loved the Time Lord. He had been unsure of that love at first, but now, he had no doubts. None whatsoever. He was secure in the other man's love.

He didn't need to hold on to his independence, not when he had found a love that filled him so completely. He could relinquish the need to be on his own, to make his own way in the world -- and he didn't find it as hard to throw his lot in with someone else as he had thought it would be.

Brendan didn't know what it was about the Doctor that made him feel he could turn away from the life of independence he'd always led, but whatever it was, he wasn't going to question it. As long as he had the Doctor by his side, he needed nothing else.

Not even the answers to some of his questions about why he felt the way he did. Those answers no longer seemed important; it was enough for him to know that he did love, without having to come up with a reason why he did so.

He didn't turn around as he heard the Doctor move behind him; a moment later, the Time Lord's arms were around his waist, the other man's chin resting on his shoulder as they both watched the last rays of the sunset bathing the world around them in technicolor.

As the velvet night descended over the scene in front of them, Brendan turned to the Doctor, their lips meeting in a fervent kiss. All thoughts of holding on to his independence flew from Brendan's mind; with the Doctor in his arms, he didn't miss it. Not in the least.

***