Title: Lonely Is As Lonely Does
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: gen
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: G1, 5_prompts
Prompt: 3, Lonely is as lonely does
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Tenth Doctor, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor glanced around him as he strolled down the street, taking in all of the people who were with someone. There seemed to be an inordinate amount of couples out walking today, more than he could ever remember seeing in London before.

Or maybe that was simply because he'd never been actively looking for couples in the past. He'd just seen people, without noticing if they happened to be with someone else or not. It was only lately that he'd noticed when people were paired off.

That was because he was alone himself, the Time Lord thought with a sigh, pushing open the door of a café and going inside. Thankfully, this was a pleasure planet; he'd be given service even without having cash to pay for a cup of coffee.

He leaned back in his chair and studied the people passing by the front windows; they were all looking happy with each other, obviously here to have a good time and forget about their cares and worries for a while. He wished that he could do the same.

After all, that was why he was here, wasn't it? To relax for a bit, to forget about all the worries that had a tendency to assail him when he was traveling through time and space. He wanted to put all those problems away for a few days and forget they existed.

It would be so much easier to do if he wasn't .... well, lonely. The Doctor sighed again, resting his elbows on the table and propping his chin in his hands. This could be such a lovely trip if he'd had a companion to share it with.

Not a lover, of course -- no, he'd given up on that when he and Jack had broken up. He wasn't going to even think about having that sort of a relationship with anyone again. If he did, it wouldn't be on any sort of a permanent basis.

He could always find a lover -- of the one-night stand variety -- on any pleasure planet he chose to go to. He could even find that at any intergalactic bar he might happen to stop by. It wasn't hard to find someone to warm his bed for a night or two.

But that wasn't what he was looking for. The physical satisfaction was always gratifying, but he didn't want a lover. He didn't want to have anyone in his life who he'd be able to compare with Jack -- because he was sure that they wouldn't compare at all.

No, what he wanted was a companion. Someone to talk with, to trade jokes with, someone to keep him company. He didn't want them to share his bed or his most intimate thoughts; he only wanted a friend to be there for him when he needed companionship.

He wanted someone there to stave off the loneliness.

That loneliness hit him at the most unexpected times lately. He hadn't expected to feel so unbearably lonely here on a pleasure planet, a place where he'd often come to enjoy himself when he was between companions and wanted to relax.

This was a place where he often came when he was alone. So it didn't make sense that he should feel the insidious loneliness creeping up on him here. The Doctor frowned, trying to unravel his tangled emotions and figure out why he felt this way.

Maybe it was impossible for him to do that. He'd never had an easy time with emotions; they were always so damned complicated. It was much easier to push them away, to pretend that he didn't want or need to deal with them.

But if he didn't deal with them, then he would probably only progress from feeling bad to feeling even worse. Lifting his coffee cup to his lips, he took a sip of the hot liquid, feeling the warmth spread through him, making him feel at least a bit better.

If only he had companionship to warm him in the same way that the coffee did. The Doctor's lips curved in a wry smile as he took another sip, studying another couple walking past the window arm in arm. If he had a companion, he more than likely wouldn't be here at the moment.

Taking another sip of coffee, he looked at the people around him in the café. Most of them were alone; there were a few couples, but the place was inhabited mostly by people who were alone, sipping coffee and reading, looking happy and contented.

The Doctor's eyes widened as a realization struck him. If he was with a companion, he wouldn't have this chance to relax and unwind, to be by himself and take some time to look around him at the rest of the world. He'd feel that he had to keep someone else company.

If he didn't act as though he was feeling lonely, then he wouldn't be lonely.

It wasn't that easy not to be lonely. He knew that from experience. But he could apply that old Earth saying to his situation. "Lonely is as lonely does." If he didn't think of himself as being lonely, and let himself enjoy his solitude in some ways, then he wouldn't feel so alone.

Ah, well, it was worth a try. The Doctor couldn't help smiling at the thought. It would be a challenge to keep his mind from his loneliness; it was something that he could feel pressing down on him all the time, like a weight that never lifted.

But that weight didn't have to be there all the time. He could find things to do on his own -- and past experience had proven that he didn't necessarily need a companion to watch his back when he got himself into trouble. He could take care of himself.

Of course, life was always easier with a companion. It was nice to have a friend around, someone to talk with and share experiences with. But he didn't need that; and he'd found out that companions were found in the most unlikely of places.

There was no telling when another one could tumble into his life. Actively looking for someone to spend time with never really worked out well; any time he'd done that, he'd always been disappointed. He only seemed to find the right companions by accident.

He should enjoy his time alone -- even though being alone was one of his biggest fears, he knew that it wouldn't last forever. He always found a new companion; it wasn't as though he was doomed to be alone for the rest of his life.

Finishing his coffee, the Doctor stood up and headed for the door of the café. It was time that he stopped acting as though he would always be alone. That would be a self-fulfilling prophecy, and it was one that he wasn't going to allow to come true.

***