Title: Love Takes Over
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, fanfic50
Prompt: 26, Dispose
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

Jamie sat bolt upright in bed, his scream ripping through the still air of the bedroom. He raised a hand to his face, wiping the sweat from his brow, not realizing for a few moments that there were tears pouring down his cheeks, his face wet with them.

The Doctor immediately sat up in bed beside him, wrapping his arms around his lover. "Jamie, what is it, love? What's wrong?" he asked, his tone soothing. He pulled the other man close against him, brushing Jamie's damp hair back from his face.

"A dream .... j-just a dream ...." Jamie's teeth were actually chattering; the Doctor had never seen such a look of fear on the other man's face, not since Jamie had come into being. He had no idea what could have frightened his lover so much, but he was determined to chase that fear away.

Jamie was gasping for breath, his dark eyes wide, his hair drenched with sweat. The Doctor had no idea what his dream had been; whatever it was, it must have been terrible, and he could only assume that it had something to do with John Hart.

"Whatever it was, Jamie, it's over now," he said softly but firmly, holding the slender man close against him, hoping that his beating hearts and the warmth of his body, as well as the tone of his voice and his loving words, would ease Jamie's fright and calm him.

"I've had bad dreams before -- but they've never seemed so real," Jamie murmured, running his hand over his face. He wasn't gasping for breath any longer, but the Doctor still kept his arms around the other man, reluctant to let him go just yet.

"What was it, Jamie?" he asked, keeping his voice quiet. He didn't want to make Jamie feel that he was being pushed to reveal whatever had frightened him; if he was ready to tell, he would, and if he wasn't, then the Doctor would just have to be patient and wait.

Jamie shook his head, sighing and slumping against the other man. "It was awful," he whispered, closing his eyes, his voice trembling as much as his body. "We were back on that beach -- and you were leaving me. You were making me go away with her."

"You know that would never happen, love. I'd never force you into a life you didn't want," the Doctor said, his hearts feeling as though they were being squeezed inside his chest. He knew that Jamie had feared being sent away, but he'd thought that particular fear had been conquered.

"You insisted that I had to go with her when I first .... appeared," Jamie whispered, not looking at the Time Lord. "I keep dreaming that you really feel that way, in spite of what you say. That you think I belong with that selfish child and not with you."

The Doctor could almost feel his hearts stand still in his chest; he was sure that they were turning to ice, unable to manage a single beat between the two of them. What was Jamie saying? Could he really believe the words that he was uttering?

"Every time I have one of those dreams, the feeling that it would be a lot easier for you to just dispose of me gets stronger," Jamie whispered, resting his head against the Doctor's shoulder. "I know you don't really feel that way, but .... but I can't help wondering."

The Doctor wanted nothing so much at the moment as to burst into tears; it was now his turn to gasp for breath, his hearts constricting in his chest to the point where he found that it was hard to breathe. He couldn't believe that he was hearing these words.

His first instinct was to push Jamie away from him and bury his face in his hands; he suddenly felt alone, more so than he had since this man had come into being. For the first time since they'd first made love, he could no longer feel that Jamie was a part of him.

Was the love that he'd thought existed between himself and Jamie just an illusion, something conjured up from his mind? Did the other man truly love him -- or had Jamie mistrusted him and felt that he was only tolerating his presence all along?

But instead of pushing Jamie away, the Doctor tightened his arms around the other man's waist, even as the unwelcome tears began to trickle down his cheeks. He couldn't let Jamie go; not now, not after all they had been through together and survived.

"Doctor, what --?" Jamie's tone was incredulous, as though he couldn't believe that he'd actually made the Time Lord cry. "What is it? I didn't mean to hurt you. You know that I don't really think that, not when I'm awake and lucid. I know you don't want to dispose of me."

"Our subconscious thoughts can be a manifestation of how we really feel inside, even if we don't want to admit those thoughts aloud," the Doctor told him, raising a hand to wipe ineffectually at his tears. "Jamie, maybe you really do feel like that about me."

Jamie shook his head vehemently, his dark eyes widening. "No!" he protested, the single word coming out almost on a scream. "No, Doctor, I don't. I love you. I don't want to be with anyone but you. You're the most important person in my life, and you always will be."

"I love you too, sweetheart," the Time Lord murmured brokenly, wishing that the tears would stop. But now that they had started, they seemed to have no end, streaming down his face as though they had waited forever to be set free. "I love you so much."

"I'm so sorry, Doctor," Jamie whispered, his voice choking on a sob. "I don't think you'd do that. Really, I don't. But in my dreams .... I guess it's because I've always been so afraid that I won't match up to you, and that you'll get tired of being with me because I'm human."

The Doctor shook his head, raising a hand to wipe away the tears from his lover's cheeks. "Jamie, how could you ever think that? You're not just a human, you know. You have a Time Lord brain. You share all of my memories. You're part of me."

"I know," Jamie said, sniffling. "That's why I don't understand why I keep dreaming that you're abandoning me to -- to that. I know you'd never do it, and I can't fathom why you do in my dreams. Maybe it's just my fears taking over and coming to life."

"They won't come to life, Jamie," the Doctor said, taking a deep breath and shaking his head. "Not if I have anything to do with it. I'm never going to give you up -- not to her, or to anyone else. You belong with me, and you're always going to be with me."

"I couldn't stand being with her," Jamie whispered, burying his face against the Doctor's shoulder again. "If I had to be with her, I'd rather be dead. She doesn't love me. She doesn't even love you. She only loves herself, and her own desires. Living with her would be a fate worse than death."

"It's a fate that you'll never have to face, love," the Doctor told him, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Jamie's head and hugging him close. "I promise you, no matter what happens, you'll never have to be with her. She doesn't deserve you -- or me. And she'll never have either of us."

Jamie nodded, sighing softly as he wiped away the last of his tears. "I'm sorry, Doctor," he said again, his voice subdued. "I never meant to hurt you by telling you what I'd dreamed. And I know that you would never want to dispose of me. That isn't the kind of man you are."

"I'd never want to get rid of you," the Doctor said softly, his gaze not leaving the other man's face. "I want you by my side for the rest of your life, Jamie. I want you with me for all of eternity. Losing you isn't an option. Not now, not ever. I'd be devastated if it happened."

"I know that," Jamie told him, his voice still trembling a bit. "I just wish that my dreams knew it, too. I'd never for a second think that you really wanted to get rid of me. I don't know why I keep dreaming that you do. That in itself scares me, that my subconscious mind could think that."

"I don't think it's your mind, love," the Doctor told him, smoothing his hair back from his face again and leaning forward to brush a gentle kiss across Jamie's mouth, tasting the salty tears on those soft lips as he did so. "It's your fears taking over your dreams."

"I'd rather have my love for you taking over," Jamie said, his voice faint. He took a deep breath, giving the Doctor a wan smile. "I'm sorry for waking you up, sweetheart. But at least we've talked things over, and I feel better now. I just hope I don't have that kind of a dream again."

"If you do, it's only a dream, Jamie," the Doctor told him, his tone soft and loving. "Remember that." He wrapped his arms around Jamie, lying down with the other man beside him and closing his eyes. Within moments, they were both asleep again, held close within the safety of each other's arms.

***