Title: I'll Set You Free
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: past Jack/Doctor
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: Cadenza challenge, 5_prompts
Prompt: Bridge -- I'm waiting, I'm praying
Author's Note: Continuation of A Million Miles Away.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Tenth Doctor, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor stood on a hill high above Cardiff, looking down at the city. From where he was, he could clearly see the building that the Hub was housed in -- a building that he'd recently been in, close to the man he loved, the man who'd walked away from him.

Why did he keep putting himself through this? he asked himself, that inner voice sounding disillusioned and bitter. Why did he keep coming back, when he knew that he meant nothing to Jack but just another warm body in his bed for a night or two?

He knew that Jack cared for him; but for the immortal, that feeling went no further than the outer reaches of his heart. The Doctor hadn't burrowed into his soul and made himself an indispensable part of Jack's life, as the other man had done with him.

Was it possible to get Jack Harkness out of his heart? the Doctor reflected, shaking his head and sighing. He didn't think so. Once Jack had insinuated himself into the Time Lord's hearts, he was there to stay; he would always be there, even if the Doctor tried to stay away.

A piece of an old Earth saying went through his mind as he stood there; something about having to set someone free if they were loved. If they came back, then they were yours; if they didn't, then it had never been meant to be.

Maybe that was the case with Jack, the Doctor thought ruefully, his gaze fixed on the place where he was sure the other man was at the moment. Maybe he had to set the immortal free in every way, stop trying to be a part of his life, before he could come back.

Or maybe Jack would never come back to him, he thought, his hearts seeming to clench in his chest. He might have a change of heart; he might decide that he'd made the wrong decision, and that the life had had shared with the Doctor was what he really wanted.

The Time Lord almost snorted in derision at his own foolish dreams. Jack wasn't going to do anything of the sort, and he knew it. If there was anyone who knew what he wanted, it was Jack Harkness; he hadn't made his decision to leave the Doctor quickly or easily.

Jack had said something about setting each other free when he'd left; the Doctor couldn't exactly bring to mind what the words had been, because he'd been too blindsided by the fact that his lover was walking out on him. Nothing else had registered at the time.

Was this Jack's way of telling him, gently but firmly, that they weren't right for each other? Did the miracle of his immortality give him some sort of insight into something that the Doctor hadn't wanted to see? Did he know something that the Time Lord couldn't fathom about his future?

Even if he did, there was no use asking him about it. The Doctor had long since learned that since Jack had left, he didn't open up about his feelings in the way that he used to when they were together. He had to wonder if Jack had ever really done so.

Jack wasn't someone who was used to showing his feelings; he'd had far too long to keep them all bottled up inside. The Doctor didn't blame him for that; he'd had times in his life when he hadn't wanted to let his emotions take center stage, either.

He could keep waiting and hoping, but he doubted that Jack would ever tell him how he truly felt. He had thought that being together in the way they had been for a while would break down those walls that the immortal had built around himself, but that hadn't happened.

Instead of feeling closer to Jack over time, the Doctor had been forced to admit that the longer they'd been together, the more isolated he'd felt. That hadn't been Jack's fault; he'd wanted to be closer, and the other man had been afraid of that intimacy.

Maybe he had been the one to make the most serious mistakes. Maybe he'd simply pushed too hard for something that Jack wasn't ready to give. But whatever the cause, the end result had been that now, they were both alone.

It could be that Jack was happy in that isolation; he wasn't really the sort of person who needed to have one love in his life, after all. He could have shallow, superficial relationships with many different people, and then walk away from them as though nothing had happened.

The Doctor had long since come to the conclusion that he himself couldn't do something like that. Once he gave his hearts, they stayed with that person. And deep down, some instinct told him that Jack was wrong. The two of them were meant to be together.

But if both people involved in the relationship didn't believe in it and work to make it stronger, then they wouldn't stay together. The Doctor had discovered that more than once over the centuries; a one-sided love affair never worked. He knew that from bitter experience.

The last thing he was going to do was try to force Jack into being with him if the other man wasn't happy. He loved Jack enough to set him free, no matter how much it hurt him to do so. And maybe that old saying was correct, he told himself.

Maybe, if he was very, very lucky, Jack would come back to him. It was a slim hope, one that he knew he probably shouldn't cherish. But he couldn't help nurturing that hope deep within himself; he was sure that there was some truth to the words of that quote.

If he loved Jack, then he had to set the other man free. He had to let his lover fly and stretch his wings, discover what he really wanted out of life. And if he came to the conclusion that he wanted the Doctor -- well, the Time Lord would be waiting with open arms.

And if Jack decided otherwise .... He didn't want to think about that. He didn't want to contemplate a life that would stretch ahead for him for centuries, either in this body or a new one when he regenerated, a life that didn't include Jack Harkness.

Oh, they would still be friends. He was sure of that. They would still see each other. Maybe they would even still sleep together, but the Doctor knew that those fleeting moments of passion with the man he loved would never be enough to satisfy him.

Sighing softly, he turned away from the vista below him, making his way back to the Tardis with slow steps. If he had to set Jack free in the hope that his lover might come back to him, then he would do that, no matter how hard it might be.

But there was no guarantee that Jack would come back, he told himself. All he could do was continue waiting and praying, hoping against hope that something would change in the other man's life that would convince him of where he belonged.

And if that didn't happen .... the Doctor sighed as he turned to look down at the city of Cardiff once more before closing the door of the Tardis firmly behind him. A few moments later, the blue police box shimmered into thin air, leaving not even an unsettled breath of air behind.

***

Next story in series - I Walk Alone.