Title: Shine A Little Light
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 5, 12_stories
Prompt: 9, Light
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor sighed contentedly, settling back against Jamie's chest. Every time they made love seemed to get better, at least in the Time Lord's eyes; and he was sure that Jamie felt the same way. He certainly seemed to exude satisfaction.

Jamie had brought so much light into his life since that fateful day when he'd thought that he was going to regenerate and had redirected that energy into his own severed hand. He had thought the other man's existence was a mistake at first, but he'd quickly changed his mind.

How could he ever have looked at someone who he loved so much as being a mistake? There were still times when he felt remorseful about that; even though Jamie said that he understood completely where those feelings had come from, he still felt guilty about them.

He did have a bit of an excuse, though, the Doctor told himself. The time of the meta-crisis had been so tumultuous, and narrowly escaping a regeneration hadn't exactly done much for his state of mind. Everything had been so .... insane.

Including the assertion by his friends that the man he loved belonged with a child who didn't love him, but only wanted him because he looked like the Doctor. She would never have loved Jamie; she would have eventually spurned him for being human.

She didn't want Jamie; she never had. She wanted the Doctor -- the one person she couldn't have, not in the way that she wanted him. And she would never understand that the Time Lord looked at her as a sort of daughter, not in any more romantic sense.

The thought of being with someone romantically who he thought of as a mere child -- as his own child, in some ways -- made the Time Lord feel nauseous. And, truth be told, he hated the idea of her having him through Jamie almost as much.

The truth was, she didn't want a human version of him. She might have been satisfied to have a man with his face for a short while, but then she would have pushed Jamie away because he wasn't a Time Lord with a Tardis. In short, he wasn't the Doctor.

Oh yes, they looked alike. That was something that obviously couldn't be denied. He shared the Doctor's experiences, his past -- but he was his own man in so many ways. He couldn't be the Doctor; his physical differences alone made that impossible.

She would never have loved Jamie for he was -- or who he would become as he assimiliated to being human. She would always have expected him to be the Doctor, and compared him to what she really wanted. Jamie deserve better than to be condemned to a life with her.

And the Doctor had given him a life that was far better than that -- or at least, he hoped that he had. He really didn't have much to give Jamie other than his love, his hearts, and everything that he was. But that was enough for the two of them.

Besides, that was all he wanted from Jamie in return. His love, his heart, his companionship. And he certainly had gotten that -- in so many ways. Jamie was much more than his companion; this man was his love, a part of him that he never wanted to give up.

Jamie had brought so much light and joy into his world. What would he have done over the past few months without that light? The Doctor shuddered at the thought; he didn't want to think of what his life might be like without his lover being in it.

After everything that had happened leading up to the way things were today, if Jamie hadn't been "born," he would have gone off by himself, more than likely. He would have let himself slowly turn into a bitter man, never looking at the world in the same way.

He'd had to give up the person who had been like a sister to him, the one companion he'd had up until that point since he'd been in this body who hadn't wanted him in a physical way, and the one who had been the hardest to let go.

Donna had been his only companion who hadn't had a purely selfish reason for their so-called "love" of him, and who had wanted to be with him simply because of the adventure -- not because she hoped to have a relationship with him. She had been so different from the others.

He did miss her, but he knew that it had been for the best that she returned to her old life with no memory of him. Still, it didn't seem fair to her -- she had become a much stronger person when she had been his companion, more sure of herself.

But maybe she would retain that side of herself in the life that she was living now. He certainly hoped so -- and he had his memories of her as a sister, as someone he'd enjoyed spending time with. That would have to be enough to document that time of their lives.

The Doctor smiled and closed his eyes as Jamie's fingers stroked through his hair, pushing away his thoughts of his last companion. Jamie was the companion he had now; there was no need to think of any others, not when he had this man by his side.

Jamie was so much more than any other companion could ever have hoped to be. He hadn't intended to take a companion as a lover -- but the decision had almost been taken out of his hands. It had been fate, kismet, a natural attraction that had drawn them to each other.

This man had brought a light into his life that he'd never thought he would have. There had always been a darkness surrounding him, ever since he'd regenerated into this body -- well, ever since the last one, if he was perfectly honest with himself.

He hadn't been able to let go of his guilt about the Time Wars and his part in them, and that had been a dark cloud that hung over his existence. It was still there, but no one had helped to start making that cloud dissipate in the way that Jamie had.

That darkness had threatened to become a part of his life and soul, burrowing into him and becoming a part of the fabric of who he was. He'd struggled to put the guilt and self-recrimination behind him, but that hadn't been an easy thing to do.

He'd been working at it, slowly but surely. But his other companions hadn't been able to understand just why he felt that guilt. They could understand in a detached way; but they didn't understand the horror, the complete desolation that he had wrapped himself in.

Jamie understood, of course. He might not have been there in the form that he was in now, but he had the Doctor's memories; for all intents and purposes, he was the Doctor in many ways. And he could understand that devastation in a way that no one else ever could.

A part of him had been there. If Jamie searched his memory and fastened his thoughts onto what the Doctor had felt when he'd been taking part in the Time Wars, and when he'd had to make the decision to destroy his own people .... oh yes, he would understand.

No one else could do that. No one else could know what it was like to be who he was in the way that Jamie could. And that was why he had to keep this man in his life; that was why he had to let the light of Jamie's love fill every corner of his soul.

Jamie was the one person in the entire universe who could know him this intimately; not only in the physical sense, but what he was thinking and feeling. His lover might have a human body, but his mind was a Time Lord's through and through.

"What are you thinking?" Jamie's voice cut into the Doctor's thoughts, making him tilt his head back and look up at his lover with a soft smile on his lips. "I wish there was some way for me to read your thoughts. But that's something a human can't do."

"You don't need to read my thoughts," the Doctor said softly, shifting his position slightly so that he could keep looking up at the man he loved while he reclined against Jamie's chest. "I was thinking about you. About us. About the way you bring light into my life."

"And you bring a light into mine," Jamie whispered, trailing soft fingertips down the Time Lord's cheek. "More so that anyone else ever could. I couldn't be happy anywhere else -- or with anyone else. You shine a little light on everything in my world, Doctor."

The Doctor found that he had no answer to those words as Jamie's mouth came down on his, cutting off anything he might have said. Any answer that he might have been forming left his mind as his lover's hands moved over his body, bringing a different but no less bright light into his world.

***